Thursday, April 12, 2012
as with many people , work is a very stressful place, one that will provoke eating to many snacks and make you angry at everyone, well today my Q.A decided to not listen and I got jumped , threatened with a write up, and I started to get mad, I mean I could not even ask a simple question about my job and how she wanted me to proceed with it, she said DONT ARGUE WITH ME!!! after about an hour , ok maybe 2, lol, I polite asked why I could not even ask a question ( this is to the assistant who was also there before) and she said that she did not think I was trying to argue but that's how i came across, we talked a little , I listened anyway, LOL and I realize that being raised with a mom and sister that think I should always keep quite , that they are always right and I am always wrong ( they still do) has made me assert my opinion in an aggressive manner just to be heard( just like when I was little, lol) .
I realize that I come off as pushy when I'm upset and feel I'm not heard, but at least I realize & understand why and I realize that I get aggressive when I want to share my opinion and I feel that it doesn't matter to who I'm talking to and that realization is creating and understanding of things in my past and helping me to work on making that issue better.
before at any time things like that has happened I would be upset the rest of the day, mad at everyone , resentful, with meditation, listening to my inner core I am growing and understanding how people effect me by their actions and words, I am gaining my control and not leaving it to the will of others and how they feel.
so today I am so grateful that this only lasted and hour or two and it taught me what I need to work on and just how I got to that point, no anger, not upset, grateful to be opened up to even more understanding