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Keeping The Bigger Clothes.. Is it just a Sense of Comfort or something Deeper?

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Today I was going thru my winter clothes and getting rid of some of em and also putting some away. And There it hit me.. Those negative thoughts of possiblity getting heavier again were there without realization of it. I was saving the clothes that right now are too big for me. But in my head I was thinking I should hold on to them... Cause you never know.

It was with that thought I realized deep down I still have the thoughts of failure. That someday I will be back heavy again. With that I grabbed the few items I did put in there that I shouldn't of and placed em in a garbage bag to take to the rescue mission. I still kept one top that is to big for me but don't have the strength to let go of it

I am wondering now if that was a mistake not to get rid of it. If deep down I am just not truly ready to get rid of my fat.. It's like my comfort of food. And by saving that piece of clothing it reminds me that it feels like I am not ready to move forward.

I quess the first step would be to realize it. Which now I have. But I have no idea where to go from there. I honestly thought I was ready and am moving in the right direction. I have been slowly losing weight now for a little over a month. I don't want this to stop me but I certainly need to find a way to let that 'comfort' go so I can live life.

I know right now I realize that I am feeling better about myself. I do feel healthier than I have in a long time. I definately more happy with myself than I have been in years. I actually feel like I felt when before I left my rl (I say this cause of my 3 year long addiction to a MMO) to where I was and who I am. I still have many things to change to be the person I was growing to be. But I am on a steady stream back to where I should be.

I wonder if I thought that piece of clothing away is that saying to myself I am letting go and I will not go back. Or is there something deeper within me. Cause I know I don't want to go back to how I felt. So unhappy and not loving myself and just breathing because that's the only way I felt like I exist.

Sorry for the ramblings if your reading this. But really trying to find the underlying behind this thought. And wondering how I am to break it.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIRSTAB 4/12/2012 11:16AM

    Last time I lost weight, I got rid of all the fat clothes. Then I gained it all back and got rid of all the skinny clothes. Now I've lost again and I have gotten rid of things again. There are a few tops I like though and I kept them. I'm not sure why. They look horrible now and part of why I liked them so much was because they were the few things that made me feel pretty when I was bigger. The mental aspect of weight loss is just as great, if not a greater challenge, than the physical. Keep talking it out and trying to figure out what *you* need - to keep the shirt or get rid of it. Good luck!

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JAZZMICA 4/12/2012 9:52AM

    you have put into words things i've just been going through myself! on Sunday night i took all my clothes off the shelves big or smaller didn't matter just took them out of the cupboards and then i sat in the middle of them all thinking what next... then i found myself saying out loud.. ok, all those of you that don't make me feel good and look good you get out of my clothes box and then one at a time i looked at them and held them. those that made me feel good on one side and those that made me feel lousy on the empty box next to me! so now all that's left are those that doesn't need 2nd thoughts to wearing... and yet the box full of fat clothes remains lying there at the foot of the bed... and i am now resolved to get rid of them as they represent an old,sad, insecure me. and i don't wanna go that way ever! in time you'll let go, too, but for now i think it's just ok to hold on to something... ^_^ -mimi

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CJEANNEM 4/11/2012 11:38PM

    I know how you feel. If you should gain some weight, you won't have to go in the nude. My cousin finds beautiful clothing at the Blind Store in our area. So whatever happens, just concentrate on being healthy and stay on SP. I hope you will write to me and tell me how you are doing. I'm hoping you will be a good motivator for me! Best wishes for a happy, healthy life. Cheryl emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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