April 2012 I have lost 32 pounds again and am down to 336.
I have 78 more pounds to lose to get back to where I was 258 pounds at my lowest with Spark People.
I got some hard news from the doctor as to why I am Morbidly Obese in the first place. I have four conditions working against me: Sleep Apnea, Hypothyroid, PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome, and Mixed Connective Tissue Disease (MCTD) an autoimmune disorder that attacks my body and causes inflammation and chronic pain. The last one has been particularly difficult over the last two years. It causes chronic pain and fatigue. Finally having a diagnosis for why I am so exhausted gives me great comfort and while that means I am unable to exercise as much I can still do light exercise when I don’t have flare ups. I can also live a healthy lifestyle geared toward eating anti inflammatory foods that are good for my health and my disorder.
I am very grateful for my new doctor who took the time to actually listen to my symptoms and who gave me 22 different tests in an effort to actually find out what was wrong and got to a true diagnosis. The other doctors and Nurse Practitioners did not care about my chronic pain and treated me like a whiner and a hypochondriac.
I have a long way to go just to cover my lost ground, and then to get to a "healthy" weight. My diagnosis of an autoimmune disorder has uncovered why I am so fatigued and has illuminated the challenges ahead but I am strong.
It will take much longer than I thought. I may need to consider bariatric surgery or other options to get this done faster since I have additional challenges but the point is I know what is wrong know so I can fight the war with all of my resources.
Knowing what is wrong makes me feel MUCH better. Just knowing I can take the elevator without feeling like a chump is great. "I have a chronic degenerative pain disease and I will be taking the elevator as needed thank you very much."
You know at first I was massively down because I just wanted to get better and get cured but there is no cure for this. But now I am just relieved that I am not crazy and that there is a treatment and that I might get "some" relief. I can think quietly to myself: I look normal, as I have an "Invisible Illness". You can not catch it, you can not see it. It's called MCTD. My body is attacking itself on the inside. I am in pain. Lots of pain. This pain is real. It can be measured. Doctors now know what I have is real. It can be treated. I know I am doing everything I can to be better. I know I am eating right, and sleeping with a hose strapped to my face, and wearing funny looking arthritis compression gloves. I live a real life of daily pain. I have been for many years. I am strong.
I'll fight Friends. I'll fight and I'll fight and I'll fight. There was never a question about that. It was the doctors. They didn't believe me. They treated me like I was a hypochondriac. They gave me sub par care and they just wanted me to get the frack out of their offices. The new doc ordered 22 tests and took so much blood I seriously questioned if I would be able to drive home. Really. He is a fighter too. I'm in good hands now.
Finally. And since July I have lost 32 pounds so I am doing alright - if rather slowly.