It's Just A Stupid Number, Why Is It Kicking My Butt?
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
I decided that Wednesdays would be my weigh-in and measurement day. I didn't think my Easter bacchanalia would show up on the scale if I got right back on track the very next day, but alas, you play you pay.
I have gained two pounds.
My mood just PLUMMETED. My head started filling up with all this nasty talk like, "See? All that hard work means nothing, go buy a dozen donuts." and "Screw this, you suck, you're a failure, why bother?"
I mean, total mutiny.
HOWEVER, I am DONE with all that negativity telling me to stop fighting for my health and happiness and that I can't have what I want -- good health and a bangin' body and feeling amazing that I finally accomplished what I thought I never could.
I am DONE with immediately jumping on this negative bandwagon in my brain. That Tragic Greek Chorus in my brain can say whatever it wants, I'm not joining them. I am going to treat them like cranky elderly relatives. I'm going to sit them on the porch in a rocker and tuck a nice afghan around their knees and get them some lemonade and smile and nod and humor them, because they're deranged and need my compassion.
The real me knows that I could have gained the 2 pounds for many reasons - water retention, yes, Easter insanity, whatever. It's a two pound blip on the journey. The most important thing is that I am DONE with letting this become an indictment against me -- I have been tracking my food and fitness minutes, so I know I'm not going buckwild or laying around.
BUT ALSO....ALSO...let's look at the fact that my measurements have moved a little. I have lost one inch off my waist in the last two weeks. I have lost one inch off my calf. I have lost a half an inch off my chest. Everything else has stayed the same, but HEY, I AM comfortably wearing my size 20 jeans that a few months ago were too tight. My arms feel stronger/tighter too.
I am going to focus on the small progresses that matter more than the stupid two pound weight gain, which are:
1) I have been diligent about having clean food for me to eat at work and have not used the vending machine - not even for Diet Pepsi - in the last two weeks.
2) I have exercised almost every day in the last 2 weeks - 2 days of rest. That's huge!
3) People at work are always offering me all kinds of food that I would normally jump at the chance to eat and I've been able to be gracious and thank them kindly, but refuse.
4. My water intake is WAY up.
5. I am focused and positive about the lifestyle changes I'm making.
6. I've told my kids that I'm going to be having healthier options in the house and if they want junk food, they need to use their allowance to buy it themselves, but I'm not buying it anymore. They are okay with that!
7. Tonight I'm trying a new clean recipe.
8. This is Day 3 of no sugar -- which can also explain my emotional roller coaster response at my stupid two pound weight gain, withdrawal stinks.
9. I have 10 puffy stickers on my calendar for April, and that means I get to buy myself a present!!! I am thinking about getting Happy Hippy Shower Gel from Lush, even though it's a little pricey, because it smells SO amazing and I think I'd like to smell that after my morning workouts.
10. Today I am going out to lunch with a good friend at one of those chain restaurants full of tempting food, but I went online and checked out the menu and chose something within my parameters of cleanish eating and I'm looking forward to ordering it with confidence because I've told myself NO CHOICE - THIS IS IT. I would rather focus on catching up with her anyway.
SO I am going to GIVE MYSELF CREDIT today...because while my scale might have outraged me this morning, there are so many other positive things going on with my progress towards Onederland and Beyond that I REFUSE to continue to feel bad about that stupid two pound weight gain.
I *KNOW* I am moving in the right direction, I don't need the scale to make or break me. It won't. I'm DONE with being broken!