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    TRACYZABELLE   138,812
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Church Lady Funnies


Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Church Ladies With computers.
They're Back!
Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with computers. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUGARBABY60 4/23/2012 5:03AM

    Tracy , these are wonderful! You have brought some real Joy today and Please supply the names of These above churches, LOL I would hate to miss out on more of the same!!! Love this , thanks for sharing the funnies! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEE797 4/20/2012 2:10PM

    emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 4/12/2012 1:48PM

    Great!

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STEPHHAYES227 4/12/2012 11:41AM

    too cute

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HANOVERLADY 4/11/2012 6:08PM

    I should not have read these while eating - choking is a bad thing!

emoticon emoticon

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LKEITHO 4/10/2012 10:06PM

    Thanks for the chuckles!

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 4/10/2012 9:31PM

    emoticon

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TRAVELNISTA 4/10/2012 8:44PM

    emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 4/10/2012 8:38PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SEPPIESUSAN 4/10/2012 8:18PM

    I wasn't expecting it, but these actually made me giggle out loud. Thanks for the laugh!

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LINOVER 4/10/2012 7:27PM

    Really enjoyed reading these! emoticon

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CTUPTON 4/10/2012 8:17AM

    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

emoticon Chris

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ELLENIRENE 4/10/2012 7:02AM

    funny!!!

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RINA2002 4/10/2012 5:34AM

  Hey, "gracious hostility" is an art form! Don't knock it til you try it! emoticon

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ELIZABETH-H 4/10/2012 4:39AM

    Brilliant, where can we find more of these lol

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BABBINA 4/10/2012 3:52AM

    this is just hysterical! here it is, the middle of the night & my grabbing my gut from deep laughter. love it, thanks!!! emoticon

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STUBBSKID69 4/10/2012 3:21AM

    Very funny!! My favorite: Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. If I my husband and I "share" our blanket, are we still sinning?

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ARTJAC 4/10/2012 2:51AM

    emoticon

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