Disappointment and Goal Reevaluation
Monday, April 09, 2012
Things have been ridiculously busy lately, but my lack of blog posts doesn't mean I've been slacking on my health efforts. My weight hasn't changed. Well, to be fair I got some pretty bad news mid-February. You see, I was working toward being "military fit" so that I could join the Air Force officer program, and I was finally in the very top of my weight range. I've got every single qualification I could possibly need and everything was looking great... until the vision test. It disqualified me immediately. (Let's face it... without contacts, I can barely see my hands an inch in front of my face).
I lost my motivation. My vision is something I can't change without surgery (which requires a 2-year wait time before I'd be eligible for the AF anyway). No amount of waking up early to workout or resisting the temptation of unhealthy foods will help the fact that I started wearing glasses at the age of four. I didn't seek the comfort of food, but my workouts waned significantly. I gained four pounds.
My wake-up call came when I stepped on the scale and saw my weight sitting at 169. I remembered how absolutely elated I was when I broke out of the 170s for the first time in ages and felt that bottom-dropping-out-of-your-st
omach sense loss. I'd worked so hard to get where I was, and here I'd gained back four pounds.
I suddenly found myself overcome by that inner voice of determination. No, it said. I will NOT give up. I will NOT let this get me down. I WILL reach my goals. It doesn't matter if I can't get into the Air Force -- this is for me. This is for my health. I'm not doing this for anyone else.
I stepped off the scale, grabbed my running shoes, and haven't looked back.
I'm got back down to 165, the weight I was when I learned that my career path had to be changed due to my vision. I added more weight training to my routine and went up to 166, but I'm not worried about the number. I feel stronger and more capable than I have in a long time. While I can't quite express the devastation I feel at having my dream snatched away by something I can't control, I have other options in front of me. I can't carry on my family's proud military history, but I CAN reevaluate my goals and explore different options for my future. I don't need external motivations to inspire me to lead a healthy life --I'm doing this for me and heaven help anyone who stands in my way.