Thursday, April 05, 2012
#6 in my self awareness blog questions is something in life I hope I never have to do.
The thing I hope I never have to do is tell Bob something has happened to one of his children. I can't magine how that would make him feel other than anguish and I would never want to be the one to deliver such news.
Twice in my life I have had to tell someone about a death and that hurt so much. One was my ex. I had to tell him his father died. The other was my sister-in-law. I told her that our mother had died so she could tell my brother in person - I didn't want him to hear it on the phone like I did when he called me to tell me our father had died. This was on my 30th birthday. I was having a party within the hour and it was too late to call it off.
It was a good thing I had the party. It really helped me a lot. Several of my coworkers took care of the kitchen and phone calls and took messages. Then a good friend came to relieve them. By this time friends started arriving with food. Jeannie started a book and wrote who brought what and their container. Then another co-worker came to spend the rest of the night with me so I wouldn't be alone. At 8AM, another co-worker arrived to help out. She continued the book entries Jeannie had started. She kept the coffee pot going for some of the family that had arrived and did dishes. When my mother arrived home that day, she was able to visit with visitors, but not have to worry about anything else. Fortunately not many came around other than his brothers and sisters. My brother and his family stayed with his in-laws, and he came to the house in late afternoon and stayed a long while.
The next day he and mother went to the funeral home to finalize the plans she had already told them from my brother's home the morning before. They knew that he had a large family, but that he retired two years before. They used the largest room for the calling hours and the service.
We were stunned! Usually if someone comes to calling hours they didn't come for the service. It seemed everyone came to the service! All of the room was filled and they had to open it up to the hall and into the second room to accomidate everyone! My father had been the head of the township road department and many of his crew was there. My mother had been a teacher and lots of those she taught with were there. I was working at the PD so all the dispatchers other than the one on duty and most of the off duty officers and auxillary members were there. There were also representatives from other area departments. Daddy had also been a deputy sheriff and the sheriff had ridden with him a lot and he had taught that youngster a lot about police work. So the sheriff and a number of deputies were there, too.
The guys from my department performed a ritual before the casket was moved, plus each of the uniformed officers and deputies approached the casket and saluted. It was quite impressive although sad, too. The funeral director told us that this was the most they ever accomidated.
Everyone went to the cemetery. Our department officers accompanied the limo with the casket and the family cars. The deputies handled traffic and stopping in areas and roads that needed to be closed. When I looked back I couldn't believe how many cars there were!!! The area around the little chapel at the cemetery was full for several blocks. The whole thing was amazing.
But, I would still hate to have Bob hear any bad news over the phone and I would hope I never have to deliver such a message. As I mentioned, having no children of my own, I can't begin to imagine how it would feel like to be a parent and receive that kind of news. I just know I would hate to see Bob feel helpless and hurting.
Love and peace to all my friends.