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Retro Exercising and Still Nursing a Damaged Derriere

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Thursday, April 05, 2012

Since the surgery I've been trying to find ways to get moving again, especially since my body is rebelling through my piriformis muscle. One of my best friends who is a professional yoga instructor calls it the "angry muscle" and I can see why. Once taunted, it just resorts to torturing me back. It's been challenging and painful but I do need to not only stretch out the "injury" but also start building back up the muscle strength.

I've been a yoga instructor for seven years now so I do know how to assist the healing process but that doesn't stop me from whimpering, grunting, and yelling out profanities while I undergo this self-inflicted physiotherapy. I also do the same, usually with tears running down my face when having the muscle poked and prodded by my massage-therapist partner. He is excellent at what he does but let's just say he "takes no prisoners". I've made the joke before, I'll make it again... what this is is a royal pain in the ass.

I am not a gym girl. I've done the gym thing many many times and still hold the same membership that i've had for years. (it was a true steal so it's hard to give up) I do use it from time to time but it never does last long. I hate workout DVD's and gave up quickly on our Wii. I am not a fan of the typical organized team sports and never got into any sort of fusion fitness classes. I just don't find it fun or enjoyable and to be perfectly honest, I'm one of those people that can't just do something because it's good for them. I'm not a Nike ad... I am definitely a low-level hedonist and if I already need to do/eat/behave in a way that's good for me, it better be at least a little fun. Or possibly a lot of fun.

I'm also a bit of a geek. (*understatement*) I love the concept of crocheting, though I can't knit to save my life. I love technology but totally am enthralled by corny, kitschy, retro & vintage "stuff". If you've ever watched Gilmore Girls you will understand completely when I say that I want Lorelei's life. I want to live in Star's Hollow and have a fuzzy alarm clock, an unstoppable metabolism and the best pop culture references spoken at endless high speed. If you're unfamiliar with Gilmore Girls, please excuse my fan-dom. If it makes you feel better, I was also a die-hard Love Boat fan growing up. I was in love with Gopher and wanted desperately to be a Charlie's Angel. Some things don't change.

I think however, that despite the television ruling our childhoods in the 70's and 80's (for those who are my age, I'm sure you understand), we were also incredibly active. I loved my hula hoop, my beautiful white boot and red wheeled roller skates which of course came after the shiny metal ones that clipped on to your sneakers, and had my early adolescent birthday parties at the Great Skate Place and local bowling alley. I was super skinny, super fit, super strong and would like that back. You can leave out the growing pains and acne though. Sheesh.

So, here I am, a few weeks away from saying goodbye to my 30's and thinking, why not? So I joined a bowling league. Seriously. It doesn't start until mid May but I've been out practicing a couple times and I LOVE it. I was absolutely awful the first time around, then watched an instructional YouTube video and became quickly much better on the next outing. My butt however howled with complaint so I may have to take it a bit easier for the time being. I'm using my downtime to indulge my kitschy geek-self. I am ordering shiny silver and white bowling shoes. It only makes sense. Who wants to pay $3. every time to wear some overly sanitized rental shoes that everyone has worn? The league that we joined has a very special deal that at the end of the 8 weeks you get your very own bowling ball for an extra few dollars. Brand new. Custom fitted to your hand. I cannot tell you how giddy that makes me; the geek in me squeals! And last but not least, a bowling ball bag. But not these ugly modern duffel bags that look like airline carryon's, oh no. A true vintage, perfect condition 1970's authentic white and baby blue bowling bag I found, and ordered, from Etsy. (Ah Etsy, it's a good thing I have no money or you would be a massive addiction.)

A few of you are shaking your heads, I'm sure. You might be thinking what a crazy girl and think that I should stick to bootcamp or Zumba classes and DVD's. But I have to tell you, being in a bowling alley is hysterical. Horrible 80's music, the smell of popcorn, soda, beer, disinfectant and smelly socks brings me right back to my 10th birthday party. The only thing missing is the cake. I can however, get far more strikes now.

And why stop there? Out comes the hula hoop but this time, it's a professionally weighted Pixie hoop made for adults. (google it and you'll see what I mean) It's HUGE and fabulous. Last week, for the first time since I was 8, I did over 100 revolutions. Until my butt gave out. I guess it's another thing to take it easy on for the time being.

I honestly considered roller derby but decided against it as I bruise very easily. One of my friends from high school started it a few years back and managed to break her tailbone on three separate occasions within one year. I want to heal my butt, not hurt it. I'm also a baby when I get hurt. I'm not exactly as rough and tumble as I'd like to believe, which I'm sure would have completely nixed me from my dream Charlie's Angel job.

I also have taken belly dancing lessons which was okay, but not as much fun as I thought it would be. I absolutely though would love to learn how to do poi. Swinging tethered weights (hopefully, one day set on fire) would be incredibly cool, or rather, would be incredibly hot.

My major exercise addiction I found right before I started SP was my reboundAir. Made popular in the 70's, it still is one of the best, healthiest and most fun forms of exercise available today. And you don't have to even leave the house which is definitely a plus in a Canadian winter. Just crank the music and bounce yourself thin. Problem is... yup, my butt. So until it heals, and I get my energy fully back from surgery, yoga seems to be the best and safest course. But let me tell you, once my rear is back to normal, I will bounce, gyrate, swing and bowl back to my ideal weight. I might be crazy, but if I can conquer cancer, I can certainly get myself fit while wearing shiny silver shoes and laughing the whole time.


The fabulous quasi-retro ensemble:


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