NSV biggy and what an eyeopener(not the success i had hoped for)
Tuesday, April 03, 2012
well today i think i had my bigest NSV to date,well it seems that way to me.it was also a big eyeopener,made me feel that i haven´t achieved as much as i thought i had but at the same time has given me the determination to do more ,more strength that is as i think that will help more in the long run.also have to work on my self concousness or rather lack of it.as you all know i go on my treadmill and for thoes who don´t know yet i am planning to do a race in octeber.this will be my first run in 30 years,so ya me for even contemplateing it.i am still haveing problems with my left leg going on me etc and am slowly trying to build up my endureance and time etc(at the moment i am at 5k in 62 mins)not so good i know but alot of it is to do with the fear my leg will go on me but i am working on that.anyway because of my size,my facial paryalise and the fact that i wear headscarf i haven´t had the courage to run outside yet (afraid of other people seeing me,lol)know i have to get over it if i want to do this race but wanted to loose somemore weight first and to get a better time up.well today as i was taking the kids to kindergarten,one of their friends mother who knows i run on a laufband as her kids are often by me said have you anything on now .without thinking i said no why(maybe i should ask why first before saying no,lol)come jogging with me then.i was like eh ok then as i had her already said i had nothing on i couldn´t then make up some excuse.first let me tell you about her she is 24 years old,120lbs goes jogging every day and lifts weights 3 days a week at the gym.she wanted to go jogging for 30 mins as a warm up for her going to the gym.luckily i had my sport shoes on,lol.anyway when i went into the kindergarten it wasn´t raining but when we came out it was raining.now i could have used this as an excuse ,i think she was expecting me to.but i didn´t.i said it is only rain lets go.i then asked are we going to walk to the buga before sarting jogging that way hardly anyone would see us but she said there wont be time to get her jog in overwise so we started jogging there and then in front of the kindergarten where any child looking out of the window could see .in the middle of the housing estate where anyone looking out of their window could see.and anyone walking to work,kindergarten with their kids or shopping could see.this is where the eyeopener came in,.my heart started beating fast,very fast,i started to have problems breathing,basically i was having a panic attack but did i stop,no i carried on jasmin had to really slow her pace as i was so slow with the breathing effecting me,it was like i was totally out of shape.i have no problems when on the treadmill in the comfort of my own home but outside it was totally differant i was struggling and i mean really struggling after the first few minutes and after 15 mins i was tatally finished.i still can´t believe it so as i say though it was a success i totally stepped out 200% out of my comfort zone and that with a super fit,super thin person next to me.even when i had the chance to make the excuse with the rain i didn´t.this is still definately my biggest none scale victory to date it somehow didn´t feel the victory it should have been.so what have i learnt.
1#ask jasmin why first when she next asks have i what for.(just kidding,well sort off)
2#have to work on my own self confidence
3#have to work on caring less what people think of me
4# work on my stamina,i.e.core more.
5#work on my breathing(100%)
6#realise that running outside is not the same as running on treadmill
7#just do it
I STEPPED OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE HAVE YOU?