Monday, April 02, 2012
It's official, I'm unmotivated. I just want to sit in the house all day and I certainly don't want to go anywhere anymore. Other than school I do my best to seclude myself into the house. I'm beginning to be angry all the time. My mom moved back in so now I have 3 people to clean up after well 4 including myself and I have a hard time doing chores now. My back begins hurting after about 5 minutes of any activity that requires standing. My knees are sore. My daughter has been sneaking into our bed at night and because I don't want more back issues I do not carry her back to bed instead I find a spot on the floor or I sleep on the couch. I cannot currently sleep on the couch because that's where my mom has been sleeping so yeah, it's been the floor. I have to talk myself into cleaning, it used to be when it was dirty I'd get right on it and get it done. I don't know what to do anymore. We just came into a small inheritance and I'm planning on getting a gym membership but I just don't know what kind of exercises I'll be able to do with my back pain. I try to push through it but I'm not sure if it'll make it worse if I just walk around letting it burn. I don't think I have a spinal issue I think my muscle in my lower back has shrunk from lack of activity. I'm not sure, I can't afford to see a doctor about it right now so I'm not sure what to do. So this is my cry for help. Has anyone ever been in my shoes? I want to hear some success stories or something that will give me a love for life again. Right now I just wake up, study, eat and sleep. I need more, my daughter deserves more from me too.