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    PANDASUE2   31,550
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100 pounds down... with pics.

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Monday, April 02, 2012

For the past 75 pounds or so I've been contemplating what I would write if I ever got to 100 pounds lost. Well I'm here and I still don't know what to say! When I started this journey, 337 pounds and a size 30-32 pants and 26-28 top, I never thought I would get here. I remember the first few weeks felt like they were just DRAGGING on and on and on. There were many times I wanted to give up or give in and just over eat. But I held strong, didn't give in to too many temptations and am now at 237 pounds, size 20 pants and 16/18 tops. About 337 here, August 2010

I didn't realize how big I was. I knew I was fat, but its those full body pictures that make you gasp and say "oh my god". But even then, I did nothing about it. Why doesn't someone tell you you look like sh*t?! Eww... I can't believe I'm even letting this picture out of my little dark hidey hole, but NO MORE, not ever, ever again...


Then there was Vegas... Vegas was my "moment" where I said, "As soon as I get home, I'm going to the gym and changing". And I did. I was sick of not being able to look cute like my friends did when we went out. I was sick of sweating constantly no matter where we were or what we were doing. I was super sick of being "the fat friend" and not even being able to really fit in that polka dot dress (above) anymore.
Here is one of the last pictures ever taken of me being 337 pounds:


Then after that, after I got back and started going to the gym religiously, everything changed. I have more self confidence, I feel better, I'm not always the gross sweaty one(except at the gym, I sweat like crazy there) and I'm happy. My journey isn't over, but I'm glad I'm out of those beginning stages, where it felt like it was never gonna happen and that was never gonna be me.

I'm still afraid of going backwards - afraid of not being so on track and only allowing myself a few indulgences. Last night I indulged in Noodles (Mac and Cheese) for the first time in over seven months. It was delicious... but at the same time, I felt guilty. I knew I should be eating better than that, but that's what I wanted. I was still within my calorie ranges for the day and have found over the past seven months that it is ok to indulge in a few things. Its actually has kept me on track better than if I didn't eat anything bad. A few things here and there, and especially in moderation, don't hurt you too horribly on the scale.

A friend of mine asks me all the time how I get so much motivation. I don't know if its motivation so much as being terrified. I've missed MAYBE 20 days at the gym since I started going in August because I'm so scared that if I take more than a day off that I'll stop going all together. This isn't a good way to carry on. All this fear I have built up will make me fail in the long run... I need to learn how to get over "I'm afraid of going back" and more "this is my new life and to be healthy and happy, THIS is what you have to do."


Don't mind my dorky boyfriend... About 250 here.

So as right now I'm happy with where I am, I want to keep going. I would LOVE to see that 1 on the scale. I remember hitting the 200's in middle school and thinking "this is gonna change, I'm not gonna go any higher than this." Freshman year... 214. It just kept going up and up and up and as I knew I was putting on weight, I did NOTHING about it. Now, I know I can do it, I KNOW I can do anything I put my mind to and I KNOW that I'll be able to see 199.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAWATKINS 1/29/2014 4:52PM

    Very Inspiring! Keep up the good work!

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IMEMINE1 12/7/2013 9:33AM

    emoticon emoticon

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JOANNHUNT 1/28/2013 11:52AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LOVEANANIMAL 5/15/2012 10:35AM

    Wow! How awesome is that!!! 100 pounds gone!!! emoticon

Nothing wrong with "fear" helping us be determined to never go back to our unhealthy ways. You are an inspiration and I am very proud of you!

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CHEVFAM80 5/10/2012 8:25AM

    You are almost there - so keep up the great work and remember to continue to post to get others to help motivate you. Great job!

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SANDYLH1 5/8/2012 5:45PM

  emoticon

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MEMEME75 4/30/2012 11:59AM

    Amazing accomplishment. Keep it up!

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IMIN2GENES 4/30/2012 7:58AM

    emoticon You look beautiful! Dorky boyfriend and all... LOL!

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TASNIM81 4/30/2012 4:35AM

    Congrats on your awesome progress!! emoticon emoticon

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CRINKLYMONKEY 4/28/2012 8:17AM

    I have a very long way to go as well and it is overwhelming. I am reading your blog right now to maintain motivation. Thanks for sharing emoticon

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LUVTOBOWL 4/26/2012 2:59PM

    Very inspirational.....keep going until you reach your goal, finish what you've started girl, I know you can do it. Thanks for encouraging me. emoticon emoticon

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SHELL22222 4/24/2012 11:06AM

    You know what to do, girl! Keep doing it!! It's not a diet, it's a healthy way of living and you can and will achieve your goals! emoticon

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EDWARDS1411 4/24/2012 10:11AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
Keep up the good work - with your great attitude onederland is a sure thing!!!

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TUBLADY 4/24/2012 12:04AM

    Wonderful blog and congrats on your success.
I can relate o your feeling in so many ways.
I was 335, the thought of losing as much weight as I need to lose over whelmed me. I couldn't think in those numbers. So I worked at losing in ten pounds increments.
There was joy breaking 300, amazement at 250, tears at 199.
Beyond belief at 150 and now at 135 , I thank God everyday for the strength I had and all the friends and Spark for being there for me.
Stay positive, believe you can and you will.
Tisha emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CJIRV1 4/23/2012 9:39PM

  Great job, keep up the good work:)

C.

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EVIE4NOW 4/23/2012 9:24PM

  Great job! Your journey will lead you into the 1's very soon. Congrats.

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MELLYBEANS0919 4/23/2012 8:15PM

    Congrats! You look amazing.

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SARAHBACKTO52KG 4/23/2012 4:06PM

    emoticon

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JOYFULJUDYLYNN 4/23/2012 4:00PM

    emoticon Congrats on your hard work! And thanks for the encouragement!

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ANNE007 4/23/2012 3:52PM

    Great work! Fear is a great motivator, but you're right, it's not permanent. May I suggest that instead you begin to concentrate on how your body feels when you're working out? With as much time as you've put into the gym, I know you know what I mean! Doesn't it feel great to move? Isn't this what your body is made for? If you can get past your fear of failing and turn it into a love of what you are doing for yourself you will continue to be successful and you won't have to worry about falling off the wagon if you miss a day of exercise. Congratulations on your successes so far! You're amazing!

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LUVSBULLDOGS 4/23/2012 3:45PM

    Great job. emoticon

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JULIE1885 4/23/2012 1:26PM

  I understand where you have been and where you are going... I hope you can change your mindset to "this is my life" instead of living in fear. You have done an amazing job so far... I am in almost the exact same starting place as you... I am down 54 and have a goal set and will get there. Remember the "I WILL" part. Positive thoughts become positive actions (which you have done) and positive actions become positive behaviors, which in turn become who you are... dont live in fear.

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COLLEENGILMOUR 4/23/2012 12:59PM

  I like your story. I hope you can take the next trip with your girl friends feeling beautiful. Good luck... keep doing what you are doing.

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FLUTTER-BY)L( 4/23/2012 12:35PM

    You are doing so emoticon . I hope you can find a way to finish the journey in comfort and not in fear. You are learning how to be in the future and it will be great. Love your story. emoticon

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SENIOR62 4/23/2012 12:08PM

  Great job you should be very proud emoticon

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LETS-GO 4/23/2012 11:54AM

    You are doing an amazing job sweetie!
keep up the good work, it pays off. Don't get discouraged at anytime. Just breathe and remember where it is you came from. Allow yourself times to be you. Then jump right back on your wagon and carry on as if nothing happened. Don't do any beating up. Just carry on :)

I have been on a almost year long journey, and am still going. Its an everyday ordeal. :)



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TINY_WANTS_OUT 4/23/2012 11:03AM

  Congratulations!! I am so excited to be there one day too!

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KARENDEE4 4/23/2012 10:48AM

    Congrats!

You look great!!

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RHAL1462 4/23/2012 10:38AM

    emoticon emoticon

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CAHIGHTO 4/23/2012 10:34AM

    emoticon

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MANDYLOVE_76 4/23/2012 10:33AM

    Fantastic! emoticon

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D_K455 4/23/2012 10:07AM

    Congrats

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MACMOM57 4/23/2012 9:46AM

    Way to go my friend you can do it.

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MAMAWLINDALOU 4/23/2012 9:16AM

    emoticon emoticon You look GREAT!

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DIETER27 4/23/2012 9:15AM

  Awesome way to go! You look great!

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FARRAH511 4/23/2012 8:36AM

    emoticon emoticon

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EMILY-THE-GOOD 4/23/2012 8:26AM

    Great work! Thanks for the inspiration!

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LUBAML 4/23/2012 8:00AM

    Great Job!!! Hugs and kisses. Luba

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NATE-JANINE 4/23/2012 7:19AM

    Awesome job, awesome blog. Thanks for sharing.

You look great. Keep up the great work!...and YES YOU CAN DO IT!

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FOXYJEN27 4/23/2012 5:28AM

    So awesome. Good for you!!! emoticon

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MASE72 4/23/2012 4:41AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MATKAZEIDKELE 4/23/2012 2:37AM

    emoticon Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Your honesty and success inspire me to stay on my track.

MatkaZ

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DAREHAWAII 4/23/2012 2:32AM

    You are so beautiful and I am so happy that you are doing this for you. I want to be just like you, inspirational!

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TUDI4480 4/23/2012 1:08AM

    emoticon emoticon Thanks for sharing this blog. Enjoy the journey.

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JOCEPINK 4/23/2012 12:26AM

    Don't know how to get past that mentality of "I miss a workout I'll get out of the habit and turn into a couch potato again" because, well, that's happened to me before! But you really look great!

emoticon

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MEGANK45 4/23/2012 12:04AM

    Just came across your blog and wanted to thank you for sharing! Everything you said sounds as if I'm writing the blog! I'm just starting out and hope in a year I'll be able to have a similar blog update! awesome job! emoticon

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GAIA2JOE 4/22/2012 9:54PM

    Amen, sister! I was so happy when I hit the 100s. I have 40 pounds to go to get where I need to be. I will walk this walk with you, right by your side and cheering you on. You are awesome! emoticon

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DANNIEGEE 4/22/2012 9:52PM

  great. kep it up..you inspire em to wok harder on my weight loss goals. thanks

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JILLIAN40 4/22/2012 9:07PM

    I wish you all the inspiration and motivation you need to continue to keep you on your path. When your fears start to hit you (about missing a day at the gym, or whatever) remember that what is important is that you are making yourself healthier and healthier with every thing you do when you are living your healthier life style. Cute looks are one thing, but being healthy that is what really matters in the long run. Keep posting and keep up your great work!

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ADEARMAN 4/22/2012 8:35PM

    You are doing such a great job. Good luck with your journey. Don't ever give up because you are worth it. You got this! :)

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