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    TRACY180   19,243
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fantasy

Sunday, April 01, 2012

I wish I could climb a tree. The last time that I was consistently doing strength training, I never did seem to get much stronger. I think my arm muscles looked more defined but no better at pulling up to get into a tree. I don't know why I wish I could climb a tree except that I was jealous of those kids who could climb the rope in gym class. I was in track and cross country but I sucked at both. (I ran the slowest three mile, mile and half mile in the history of the world.) I suspect that I will never be fast. I remember seeing people puke after a race. I don't want to ever do that. I don't like pain or puking in any way or form. So, I prefer to do light exercise like walking, jogging or bike riding. I don't think I have ever seen anyone jog slower than I do. My walk is incredibly slow too.
The only nice thing that I can remember that my step-father ever said to me was that he jokingly called me a "track star." I never told him that I liked that because I new that I was terrible at it. I just liked the fact that it was active and the people didn't pick on me. But it was the only nice thing that my step-father ever said about me. He also used to brag behind my back that I wanted to become a doctor but I couldn't handle the stress of that kind of a job. I am just too negative in my thinking. It's like my own brain waits until I am overly stressed and it attacks me. I can't treat a patient when I would spending most of my mental energy arguing with my brain about whether I am capable of helping the person. I sometimes think that if I could climb a tree, I would feel like I could do almost anything. Why do I still care what my step-father said when I was a child? I feel like all I ever wanted was to get him to say something positive about me and the closest he ever got was to call me a "track star." Even though I knew that I was unworthy of the joke, I still liked it.
On a more positive note, I managed to do 20 jumping jacks today. I was surprised on how much breasts bounced around. I didn't think I could do a jumping jack last year but maybe I can't remember right. I think I will check my blogs here to see what I said about jumping jacks.
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ASOBFALLS 4/2/2012 12:43PM

    Yup...gotta have a good supportive bra (or 2) for jumping jacks!
emoticon I have a challenge for you: Write down 5 positive things about yourself every day this month...no. Make that THREE. Some repetition will happen, but be creative.
1) your spelling is great!
2) You did 20 jumping jacks
3) You wrote a blog
See...you can do this. Positive self talk takes practise
Joyce emoticon Ps 27 'I will dwell in the house of the Lord'

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