Sunday, April 01, 2012
I wish I could climb a tree. The last time that I was consistently doing strength training, I never did seem to get much stronger. I think my arm muscles looked more defined but no better at pulling up to get into a tree. I don't know why I wish I could climb a tree except that I was jealous of those kids who could climb the rope in gym class. I was in track and cross country but I sucked at both. (I ran the slowest three mile, mile and half mile in the history of the world.) I suspect that I will never be fast. I remember seeing people puke after a race. I don't want to ever do that. I don't like pain or puking in any way or form. So, I prefer to do light exercise like walking, jogging or bike riding. I don't think I have ever seen anyone jog slower than I do. My walk is incredibly slow too.
The only nice thing that I can remember that my step-father ever said to me was that he jokingly called me a "track star." I never told him that I liked that because I new that I was terrible at it. I just liked the fact that it was active and the people didn't pick on me. But it was the only nice thing that my step-father ever said about me. He also used to brag behind my back that I wanted to become a doctor but I couldn't handle the stress of that kind of a job. I am just too negative in my thinking. It's like my own brain waits until I am overly stressed and it attacks me. I can't treat a patient when I would spending most of my mental energy arguing with my brain about whether I am capable of helping the person. I sometimes think that if I could climb a tree, I would feel like I could do almost anything. Why do I still care what my step-father said when I was a child? I feel like all I ever wanted was to get him to say something positive about me and the closest he ever got was to call me a "track star." Even though I knew that I was unworthy of the joke, I still liked it.
On a more positive note, I managed to do 20 jumping jacks today. I was surprised on how much breasts bounced around. I didn't think I could do a jumping jack last year but maybe I can't remember right. I think I will check my blogs here to see what I said about jumping jacks.