Sunday, April 01, 2012
Well, here I am.....again.....embarking on this journey to get myself healthier and happier. I'm ready to start over, start new and fresh. I have decided this is the time for me, the time to become a better person, a better wife, a better friend, a better sister, a better aunt and a better daughter. I want to be happy and be comfortable in my own skin.
I've never blogged, never really shared my goals and experiences with others, let alone people I've never met. I'm hoping that blogging will allow me to open up more, experience more and hold myself more accountable. I may never post exact numbers or share absolutely everything, but I promise I'm going to be honest to myself and honest to whomever may read this.
What brought me to this point? Well, I've never been happy in my own skin......or maybe just never been comfortable. Either way, I've always talked about wanting to lose weight and get healthier.....I get started, do fantastic, and then, it just goes downhill. A few years ago, I was in great shape and was healthy. I went through a divorce, something that was unpleasant, but something I had to experience. I moved to Key West, Florida for a few years with one of my very best friends who went through a divorce at the same time I did. I met and married my wonderful husband Aduke....or AJ as we all know him by. He has been an amazing part of my life, yes, we've been through bad and good, but it's all a growing experience we having on this journey of marriage. I'm sure I'll talk more on our marriage later.........and maybe.....the divorce that brought to where I'm at today.
Today....today was day one of what was supposed to be my journey. I woke up this morning and was ready for this and excited! I was set to go! I wish though, as I'm sitting here this evening typing this, I could say I was successful and amazing and all I wanted to be today. I was a massive let down to myself today. I'm not sure exactly what happened, I started drinking some wonderful lemon-lime infused water and enjoying the nice weather outside replanting some plants. My first major mistake is that I forgot....or just didn't want to....eat breakfast. Lunch didn't go well at all.....I ate leftover's from last nights dinner out with my mom. That wasn't so bad, half a chicken wrap with lettuce and tomatoes with no dressing. It was pretty darn good, I really did enjoy it. BUT.....when I finished, I was still hungry! Sooo...I proceeded to eat leftovers from a dinner I made a few nights ago. I was starting to fill full, but I finished off my lunch with two pieces of Weight Watchers String Cheese. I was finally content.
I enjoyed sometime with my husband before he had to go to work. Then.....all of sudden, the Easter Candy my mom brought when visiting was calling my name and before I knew what was happening, I was opening the bag and digging in! I then decided I needed to eat a brownie cupcake that I made earlier in the week....at least it was all using sugar free and reduced fat items, but seriously will I ever stop?!?!?
I stopped and decided to fill up with lemon-lime water......I had to stop what I was doing....this was supposed to be 'DAY 1'. I went outside and sat in the sun for a few minutes and enjoyed the warmth on my skin. It sure made me sleepy, so I thought, when AJ went to work, I'd take a little Sunday afternoon nap. It sure felt good! I awoke and continued working on laundry and finally brought myself around to getting everything set up for SparkPeople.
I got my account set up and was ready for a 'good' dinner. I knew I could do this! I realized I had to change the laundry and do a few other things which I handled first. I washed grapes for the week, boiled eggs for the week, and cleaned up a few things around the house. All of a sudden, I found myself making cheese quesadillas for dinner........AHHHHH!!!! Ok, so they were really good, but it wasn't the 'good' dinner I had in mind!
So I'm sitting here, listening to the t.v., have my cats and dog laying around enjoying the fact I turned the air on for a few minutes for relief from the heat today, listening for my dryer to go off so I can continue to do laundry, but I'm disappointed in myself, I fill empty. What did I do with myself today? Why couldn't I just do what I wanted to do? I'm not even satisfied hunger wise.
Despite all that's happened, I'm going to continue to drink my lemon-lime water, finish laundry, take my dog for a little walk around the block, water my newly planted plants and go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day, and while I'm not looking to make excuses and am hoping that I will not have many days where I look to 'tomorrow for a better day'. I know I'm not going to be perfect on this journey and I'm going to make plenty of mistakes and fall often. I just have to make sure I have the strength to pick myself and try and find why it happened and move forward with my head held high.
Here's to my journey........