Sunday, April 01, 2012
My month of March was bad. February 27th was the last day I was on SparkPeople. I have had the most horrific experience of my life. My twin tried to commit suicide on February 25th. For two days I tried to get a hold her on the phone (she lives six hours away) On the third day, I made a friend of hers break into her apartment. She had taken lots and lots of pills and the paramedics could not even register the bottom number of her blood pressure. She had laid there for 40 hours after taking the pills! I rushed down to be there with her. She was in a Coma for 11 days on a respirator. The third day I was there, I waited outside the ICU as she "coded". Sooo scary. I was in so much anguish. God did not want her yet and answered my prayers because I still needed her. She is ok physically now, but receiving the much needed psychiatric help. Me, I'll never be the same. I was in NY for 25 days. I am glad to be home. I missed my family and my dog and my own life
Life must go on. Even if she is going back to her husband who just got out of jail. He was charged with drug possession and domestic abuse charges.
I am thankful she is alive but a little messed up about the choice she made and the choices she is making now. Being an identical twin is a blessing and a curse. I am trying to focus on the "blessed" part. Not easy for me right now.
I had just got back to SparkPeople after a long hiatus only a few weeks before everything happened, and I was surprised to know how much I missed it while I was in NY. I stayed at a place called the Danielle House which was a safe haven for families with loved ones in the hospital. It was a Godsend, but not much time on a computer. Not to mention the days I couldn't eat anything for fear of vomiting from the stress and the other days that I couldn't eat enough to fill the hole of anguish and hopelessness. Me weight went up and down, I think. There was no scale around for me to check. I think that was a good thing.
April must be better, and I am continuing on my journey to be a healthier person. I tried as much running as I could while in NY and I am half way into my training for my first marathon. Long distance running is very challenging for me and I am hurting physically and emotionally much of the time lately. The spiritual part of running helps, until I stop and experience the physical discomfort. May 27th is the date of THE marathon! (Key Bank Vermont City Marathon)
I will persevere!