Saturday, March 31, 2012
Thought of something today on a run - the best place for my best thinking by the way....I though that my personal mental dialogue has changed from running and getting healthier. When I was young, I had parents who often criticized me for my weight. In truth, I was not significantly overweight at the time. Maybe an extra ten to fifteen pounds. I was really active though. I swam competitively, I was a varsity cheerleader, I rode my bike as a means of transportation. For fun I would play tennis, or a pick up soccer game in the neighborhood. I climbed trees, and danced, did gymnastics...lots of things. My parents would sometimes make me weigh in weekly and told me I was fat. My dad was significantly overweight and he had always struggled with his weight. I guess they were trying to help. Instead it reinforced an unhealthy view of my body image and a lifetime of unhealthy mental dialogue about my relationship with food and how I looked. Through my young adult years, I yo-yoed. I vacillated from a size 4 to a size 12, and my weight was a factor of my stress and emotion. After children I also yo-yoed...and the 12 became a 14, then a 16 then an 18.
In 2009 I began focusing on getting healthy - not just getting thin. Over two years I have lost 40 pounds and kept it off. I still feel like I have another 15 or so to lose, but I am focused on staying physically fit through exercise now instead of being a slave to the latest and greatest trend in diet crazes. I simply eat clean and healthy 90% of the time, allowing for splurges and off days where I do not feel like working out. I have a maximum number in my head that I will not exceed in weight, but I don't make it an obsession. Currently I am a size 8, sometimes 10 with certain designers. Maybe I will be a 6 again, but if so it will be a healthy six. Instead I focus on exercising for the love of healthy. I eat for the love of flavor and the importance of nutrients. I run for the exhilaration, the joy, the runners high, the fact that I can and I DO!
Today - I realized I have a healthy dialogue with myself. I still occasionally hear those words in my head from parents who thought they were helping, but now I reframe those negative comments and remind myself it is about living life fully - which means a commitment to good health - physically and mentally!