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    SUNFLOWERSAVAGE   21,690
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Having a Pitty Party...Will be back when it is over...


Saturday, March 31, 2012

I'm going to be taking a little Spark Break. I'm going through some stuff right now and I'm not able to be a support to others. I have been noticing that my posts and blogs haven't been very positive lately and I think that is because I'm not feeling very positive lately. Truth is I'm not a very positive person. I'm a "glass is half empty" person. I have tried to be positive, but it just isn't working. I have actually lost friends in the past because they have told me that my depression is too depressing. And, I really don't want to be a downer.

I have been binging for 3 days now. I just can't get enough food. I realized today it is because my son's birthday is coming and I think I finally am realizing that my chance to be a mum is gone. I have tried to hold onto a shred of hope, but I am just facing reality, and the reality of it really sucks. It sucks really bad.

I'm not going to give up on my journey. I just need some time to grieve. Even though I haven't been eating well the last few days, I have still been exercising and drinking my water. That is how I know I'm not quitting. Tomorrow I will be eating better again. And...soon I will be back with a better attitude.

Even though I won't be here, I will be thinking about you all and cheering you on.

See you soon.

emoticon to all you Sparkly Peeps!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOYFULROAD 9/21/2012 11:24PM

  looking forward to 'seeing' you again, when you are ready, Sometimes life is about giving support - but sometimes you have to be brave enough to accept it as well!


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COUTURELADY 4/17/2012 1:21PM

    Heck sister, we've all gone through it. I don't believe that you have to remain positive or blog positively 100% of the time to be an effective support to others. The struggle is something we've all shared, albeit in varying degrees, but we've all been through some manner. I will see you on the other side my Spark friend..xox

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RIDMYCOCOON 4/6/2012 4:41PM

    I am here for you always, anyways, anytime...and for any reason... emoticon

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MUSICALLYMINDED 4/5/2012 7:47PM

    Deanna.. I'm having the same issues right now. I hope you don't disappear for long. Your support has been a great deal to me!

Tracy

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JITZUROE 4/5/2012 5:58PM

    Big hugs to your Deanna,
See, I view you as a very motivating and positive person. But I also feel, that you are ina really tough patch right now.
Let us support you and get you through it...
Bren

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CHOCOHOLIC2276 4/1/2012 11:46AM

    I think we all go through this- hugs hugs. There are days when I can be a little Pollyanna and days when I rival Eeyore (winnie pooh). It is what it is, if friends leave you then they really are not true friends.

All I can do is pray for you and hope what you are going through gets easier. We all face hardships. Different kinds but you have to choose how to handle it. Look at your blessings and every day- write 5 down. That might help. Start seeing the good things you have in your life. As you make the effort to change the things that you don't like.

Praying for you emoticon

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JILLYBEAN25 4/1/2012 1:12AM

    When you're ready to be back here, we'll be waiting with open arms. You do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Mental health is just as important as physical health. You are much loved and appreciated by the Spark community. Take care of yourself, sweetheart.
emoticon

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SAVINGHANNAH 3/31/2012 11:43PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CATS_MEOW_0911 3/31/2012 10:08PM

    Much love to you, Deanna.

emoticon

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HIPPICHICK1 3/31/2012 4:55PM

    emoticon emoticon to hear you're not doing well. It'll pass and when it does, we'll be here for you.
emoticon

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RYDERB 3/31/2012 2:04PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JCARDINAL 3/31/2012 1:44PM

    I am so sorry you are going thorough this Deanna! Just know we are here for you and thinking of you even when you're gone. Please come back soon! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ROCHELLE62 3/31/2012 12:40PM

    I have been binging for a bit, feeling like there are times when the best thing you can do it just be kind to yourself. I finally stepped on the scale again and gained 4 lbs. I had figured 10-15, so 4 was a nice surprise. I am hoping that by giving myself permission to feel bad and to act out a bit, I mitigated the damage. Take care.

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NEWBEGINNINGSX2 3/31/2012 11:41AM

    Hey just want you to know that I love you and am here for you. Call me any time. Also you will be missed around here. But I understand if you need a break.

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VALKYRIA- 3/31/2012 10:55AM

    Even though you are taking a sparkbreak, I want you to know you can text me ANY time of the day or night (740 a 275 b 8237). I am not a happy person in general either... I understand what it is like to need to be negative once in a while. I am so sorry about your situation. My sincere hope is that you are able to cope with these emotions during your grieving period and not let them overcome you in the long run. Sending much love your way...
emoticon

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SUNNY332 3/31/2012 9:53AM

    So sorry you re going through all of this right now. Know that there are a lot of us here that care very much about what is going on with you. Some times, I don't feel positive either and I do take time for myself. I read (My Bible) and pray and that helps me get on the other side of the negativity. Hang in there and hope today is a better day. God is Good all of the time.

Also, pump up your exercise as exercise will trigger those "feel good" endorphines.

If you continue to feel this way, do think about seeing a doctor. Depression is real and you may need some help by the way of therapy or medication. Just think about it - OK?

Hugs, Sunny

Our Dear Heavenly Father, please be with sunflowersavage and give her strength to fight the negativity that is invading her life right now. Give her the strength to get past this and into a brighter, sunnier day. Help her to know that You are walking with her every step of the journey and You will give her a "reason" for dancing...We ask this in Your Name, Lord Jesus, and according to your will for sunflowersavage. Amen

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TRENTDREAMER 3/31/2012 8:03AM

    "Truth is I'm not a very positive person. I'm a "glass is half empty" person. I have tried to be positive, but it just isn't working. I have actually lost friends in the past because they have told me that my depression is too depressing. And, I really don't want to be a downer. "
* emoticon emoticon

"I think I finally am realizing that my chance to be a mum is gone. I have tried to hold onto a shred of hope, but I am just facing reality, and the reality of it really sucks. It sucks really bad. "
* emoticon emoticon emoticon Really sorry to hear.

"That is how I know I'm not quitting. Tomorrow I will be eating better again. And...soon I will be back with a better attitude. "
* I've been relatively absent on this site these past few weeks for a similar reason. I've really needed the support that only nonline friends can offer. I'm in a similar boat in that my exercise has been good but just am not emotionally able to be there for my SparkFriends.

"Even though I won't be here, I will be thinking about you all and cheering you on.
See you soon. "
* Best of fortune to you.


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SARASMILING 3/31/2012 6:39AM

    I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I constantly deal with the battle against depression as well. Blogging it all out really helps me. I had been told over and over to journal daily but I couldn't stick with it. For some reason blogging is easier. I know around the birthdays and holidays can be hard, are hard. It's something I always thought would pass over time but hasn't. You will get through this though. One day at a time. We're here for you. I know it's just in spirit but I hope it helps. You are a beautiful strong person and You Can Do This! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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