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    NICOLE12-01   13,873
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Well, this is where I've been....


Friday, March 30, 2012

I know that I've been MIA for a while. My life has been a complete whirlwind since I had Adelyn in September. She is awesome and doing so well. She cracks me up everyday and can't imagine what I did with my life before I had her.

I've been on a roller coaster for the past couple of months that I want to jump off of. February 27, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It's not something that I ever expected to be dealing with at this point in my life...or ever for that matter. After months of just assuming I had a clogged duct or mastitis from breast feeding, turns out, it was (is) a 6+cm tumor. My official diagnosis is Stage IIIa, Invasive Ductal, Lobular Carcinoma, and DCIS. Yep. 3 different cancers. Hearing the diagnosis was just like a nightmare, but one that unfortunately, I haven't woken up from yet.

I started my chemo on March 13th. I'll have 8 rounds, which will be every 3 weeks. We're praying that my body responds to the chemo. After chemo is finished in August, I'll be having surgery and then most likely radiation. I've done some genetic testing and am awaiting the results to see what surgery will most likely consist of (either having one breast removed or both).

Chemo hasn't been fun. There are okay days, there are days that I feel like I'll never get out of bed, and there are a few good days. I've lost most of my hair and will be getting the rest shaved tonight. I have to admit, I'm having a difficult time dealing with the hair loss. It just seems like such an outward sign of what I'm dealing with.

I'm trying to eat better and fit in a little exercise when I can, because I know it will be good for me during the treatments. It will help give me energy and give my immune system a little boost. So I'm hoping to get a little more active on here again so that I can remind myself how important this part of my health is while I'm dealing with this cancer.

I try to stay positive, but it has been difficult. I'm trying to get into and STAY into "survivor" mode, but there are days that it is rough. So if any of you Spark Friends pray out there, if you don't mind, just say a prayer that this is the right treatment and that my body responds to it.
I've put on the biggest freaking pair of boxing gloves that I can find to fight this battle. It's a battle that I desperately want to win, and I'm going to do my best to win it.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUTTERFLY0912 10/12/2012 9:40AM

    emoticon I keep your family in my prayers

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MELSY82 10/2/2012 9:17AM

    Nicole,

I cannot believe you are no longer here. Though we never met in person, you were such a force to me; motivation beyond any other, a friend to talk about a multitude of struggles with, and a joy to watch as you went through your pregnancy with Adelyn, and the joy you had with her. There are no words to adequately convey to Matt and your family how saddened I am, and what a loss this is for both your world and the world at large. Be well, friend. Shine on forever.

Love,
Melissa

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RAINBOWZLPN 9/8/2012 2:51PM

    Miss you, Nicole, & find you & your little sweet girl on my mind often. emoticon

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MISSCOFFEY 9/6/2012 10:15PM

    I miss you so very much, Nicole. I still can't believe you're not here anymore. I think of you and your little girl daily. She'll be one this week! Happy Birthday, Little Miss A.

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DOTTIEJANE1 8/22/2012 10:39AM

    Prayers for the family .

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PURPLE180 8/21/2012 9:38PM

    Rest in peace. May God comfort your family in their time of grief. My prayers and thoughts are with you, your family and friends.

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ANDASI 8/21/2012 7:20PM

    Rest in peace. Prayers for the family. emoticon emoticon

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BRENDABUNNY 8/21/2012 3:56PM

    Rest in Peace emoticon and prayers to the family

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BEN09262009 8/21/2012 2:09PM

    I'll be thinking and praying of you. I work in a hospital and have registered patients for their treatments and we will soon be openeing a large cancer center in our hospital that will do radiation. I pray for you to be strong and know that there will be good days and bad days and it's okay to cry, vent, scream, etc. Whatever you need to do! Everyone will be there for you! emoticon emoticon

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DEVOTEEOFISET 8/21/2012 1:30PM

    Rest in Peace, thank you for all the support! My prayers and thoughts will be with you and your family. I will miss you.

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ABETTERBECKY 8/21/2012 1:14PM

    Rest in peace. You were a major inspiration to me in my weight loss. My heart goes out to your family!

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EMILY1244 8/21/2012 1:09PM

    Rest in Peace, Friend. I will say prayers of healing and comfort for your family.

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NATPLUMMER 8/21/2012 1:09PM

    emoticon

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MANLEYSANDY 8/21/2012 12:50PM

    Rest in peace

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LIGHTNINGRUNNER 8/21/2012 11:28AM

    Rest in Peace

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PRETTYLILHEFFER 8/21/2012 11:17AM

    My thoughts go out to her family. emoticon

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MBSHAZZER 8/21/2012 10:52AM

    Rest in peace - sending warm wishes to your family

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JOANIEBUG46 8/21/2012 10:49AM

    My heart is with the family of this amazing woman!!
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MISSFORTE 8/21/2012 10:44AM

    Sorry I did not know you before, thoughts and prayers with your family.

Rest in Peace!

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IMKFOX 8/21/2012 10:14AM

    Prayers for strength and comfort for you and your family. Your attitude is great and it will certainly help you in the battle ahead.

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TEENY_BIKINI 8/21/2012 10:10AM

    Rest in peace. My heart goes out to your family.



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WANT2BEFIT10 6/21/2012 1:31PM

    OH. MY. GOSH. I'm in disbelief. I can't believe I didn't see this before today. Hugs and prayers for you and your family.

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LJONES23 6/7/2012 11:17AM

    Nicole, Today is my first day back on spark since i don't even know when. Of course, i went to your page first and feel like I've been punched in the gut. I do pray and will be praying for your recovery every step of the way. We will be back in Pittsburgh in July at the same place i met you last time. I would LOVE to see you and your precious baby. I am sending you lots of hugs right now and pray you are doing ok. xoxo Laura

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SEEHOLZ 5/7/2012 4:12PM

    OMG- I hope you're hanging in, staying strong! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

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MDTWEETY 4/27/2012 6:24PM

    I am so very sorry to read this and sorry for what you are going through. I will be thinking of you and sending BIG hugs and healing thoughts your way. I know that adorable baby girl will help you heal in this time.
We are all rooting for you. Much love...

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HEALTHY4ME 4/15/2012 8:03PM

    Came back to see if there were any updates. hope you are doing well and lots of hugs during this hard time. Give your sweet baby a huge hug!

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KRISSYSWIM16 3/31/2012 12:40PM

    oh my gosh! I couldnt believe this and I am so sorry you are going through this. I want you to know if you NEED ANYTHING! let us know- we are here for yoU! I will defiantly be praying for you and the family. emoticon

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LINDSAYHENNIGAN 3/31/2012 10:36AM

    As much as this blog has hurt to read, I can't imagine what it is like to live. I am so sorry. But, glad to hear you are fighting and staying physically strong. At least you have the baby as a constant motivator on those days where you are overwhelmed and tired. There is no denying that there is a certain healing magic in holding your sweet baby. Best of luck, keep us informed.

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CREATINGCHRIS 3/31/2012 9:26AM

    emoticon emoticon

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SPUNKYSPARKER 3/31/2012 8:52AM

    i am praying now for you. for healing, for inexplicable peace and calm in this storm, for you to feel totally loved and complete, for God to make himself so, so personal to you during this time, for you to have a sense that it is all going to be OK, for you to be able to look back on the hardest times of this journey and know it has some greater, redeemable purpose. you are so amazing. you can do this.

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NICOLI13 3/31/2012 1:40AM

    Im so sorry you are going through this. You are a strong woman and you will get through this. I will keep you in my prayers. emoticon

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SKFEREBEE 3/30/2012 10:22PM

    Praying very hard for you and your family. You will fight this and win. There is no other option.

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HEALTHY4ME 3/30/2012 8:13PM

    OMG I can't even imagine, I had my mamo today cos of some abnormaalites found last year, and first spark thing on this am was another sparker finding out, now I read yours.
Dear sweet girl, I know you will overcome this, for you , and for your little girl. How adorable she is. I will pray adn think of you and will add you as a friend to check on and see how you are doing.
HUGS and all the best to you and your little family.

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LOGDIVA 3/30/2012 8:10PM

    My thoughts are with you, fellow Runner Girl....keep as positive an attitude as possible...there is so much that can be done these days...kick cancer's arse!
~Tika


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MELSY82 3/30/2012 7:25PM

    emoticon

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ANGIERUNNER 3/30/2012 6:17PM

    emoticon I will keep you in my prayers!

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KTISFOCUSED 3/30/2012 5:27PM

    Nicole,
I just read your post about being diagnosed with breast cancer and first, I am soo sorry you are having to deal with it. it sucks!! Second, know that you will now be on my prayer list. I am a 3 year survivor of breast cancer so I know how devastating all of this is but I also know you can and will get through it and emerge a healthier, stronger person. I had a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation and it is not fun, I agree. But please know you can write to me anytime with questions or a need for understanding and it will be there. I am a believer big time and I believe that because I am ok today, God wants me to give hope to others who are going through this. I made a decision eventually to return to my Y workouts, wig and all. I started with pilates and then eventually did a little water aerobics, and zumba. I did what I could, I found support for people who knew what I was going through and somehow it helped me. Understand I couldn't go every day and not even after the first couple chemos but somehow your body does adjust and it gets a little easier but PLEASE don't feel pressure to do this but I thought it might help you to know that your life might be able to come back to almost normal. Hang in there and ask God to give you strength and peace and I will pray for successful treatment, strength and peace.
Kathy

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SUNSHINE084 3/30/2012 4:09PM

    emoticon Have been praying and I will continue.

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GUNNSGIRL91303 3/30/2012 3:53PM

    I can't imagine having a baby and then being diagnosed with cancer. I can't imagine facing what you are or going through the ordeal of chemo and radiation. My mother had breast CA when she was only 21 years old and it impacted the rest of her life. She had cancer in the early 60's, before reconstruction options. She was literally butchered. I'm so very sorry you have to fight this battle but I'm glad you are fighting it now rather than in the dark ages of 1962. I will be praying for you and reading your blogs. Support is here for you! Remember to ask for help when you need it and cry on shoulders when they are available!
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IDSWEETHEART79 3/30/2012 3:37PM

    emoticon

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NATPLUMMER 3/30/2012 3:10PM

    emoticon

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MAMAJAHMAI 3/30/2012 2:51PM

    Wow...I will pray for you. Keep Fighting...will fight with you in prayer. ((hugs)))

Comment edited on: 3/30/2012 2:52:06 PM

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PSMITH3841 3/30/2012 2:23PM

    Oh crap!!!!! I, for once, am speechless....I am so sorry to hear this, but I also know that you will battle this thing and beat it into the ground...All you have to do is look at sweet Adelyn's face, and that fight mode will kick in with a fierceness you won't believe! Just know, you are in my thoughts and prayers and that you can BEAT this insidious disease. emoticon

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JOSIEISHEALTHY 3/30/2012 1:26PM

    I am so sorry and I am praying for you. You will beat this!

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POOHLA711 3/30/2012 1:23PM

    I am so sorry to hear this. I've got my virtual boxing gloves on too, and I will pray that you fight this disease and WIN!
I don't have any advice to give, because I can't even imagine what you are feeling. I do, however, know several breast cancer survivors, so I've seen with my own eyes that this disease can be beaten.
I'm sending you positive energy and prayers. *hugs*

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MILLER*TIME 3/30/2012 1:19PM

    You're definitely in my prayers. Fight for that precious baby girl of yours. I hope your body responds to the treatment and I pray you get some good news here soon.

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A*L*P* 3/30/2012 1:18PM

    Oh my goodness. I am so sorry. So very, very sorry. I can't imagine dealing with that type of news right after the birth of your joy. I will keep you in my thoughts always. Your attitude is amazing keep strong as much as you can, keep up a positive attitude (as much as you can) and keep us posted with your progress. Hug that baby tight it will release happy feelings in you that will only help your body fight. Truly give you something big to fight for.

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J0ETTE 3/30/2012 1:04PM

    I am in the "weekly challenge(s)" team and this week we have been challenged to explore sparkpages. Another team member mentioned your page.. So I came to visit too.

I do pray! I will be praying for you! What you are going through can be overwhelming. I will be a 1 year survivor of breast cancer the first week of June this year. Stay positive and in prayer.

If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to contact me.

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KOLINA 3/30/2012 12:53PM

    You are in my prayers and thoughts. I am so sorry that you are going through this!

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CHAOTICMOM4 3/30/2012 12:51PM

    Nicole,
Sorry to hear about all that you're going through. How awful that this special time of you're life with your new daughter is being invaded on by BC. Please continue to be strong and I'll pray for you and your family.
Take Care,
Kathy
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