Thursday, March 29, 2012
I am frustrated!! With whom or what you ask?? With MYSELF! Why you ask? Because every time I start doing really good and am losing the weight and feeling good about myself and how I feel, I go and screw it up! I start allowing myself to eat alittle more and then skip an exercise. Then BAM gained 3-5lbs back and its crazy!!! Why am I doing this?? I want so badly to be healthy and look good! To feel good! To lose this weight and be around for my kids and hubby for a long time! To be able to go shopping and NOT by plus size clothes! This is driving me crazy!!! Here lately I've been finding myself getting REALLY moody, really tired.. and aggravated. & I know its my fault!! I am the one causing all of this! I have got to find some way to STOP doing this to myself. And well I figure this might help... calling myself out! The SAD thing is I know I can do better. I have all the tools right here in front of me. So again I ask why am I sabotaging myself?? What is my deal. I don't know.
I finally got back to the size I have been for years and its the lowest weight I have been for years... NOT that its a good weight... by far... I m in 24's and that's what I was in when I was in my early 20's, when I met my hubby & when we got married. Yup its sad but its true that's the lowest weight I have ever been. (290-295lbs) So for the first time in about 7 years I am down to that again. I know I should be happy that I have lost like 92lbs over all.. since my highest weight.. and I am but I want and need to lose so much more. Its like my body says "hey were back to the weight we was for years and years... I m good with that"... Yeah WELL I M NOT!!!!!! okay so as I am writing this I am having a moment.. an Aha moment I guess... um I guess that's just it! I am at war with the Overweight person I have always been! I guess we just have to see who is Stronger ME or my Overweight self!!
Okay so I guess what I need is a battle plan! So to speak.. how do I get threw to the ME that's trying to come out. And tell the Overweight me to back the heck off!! The over weight me has ran my life for so long.. 33 years now.... its MY turn!!!!!!!!!!
Ahh this is crazy but this is just what I needed... I needed to be able to get this out I guess to figure it out. Now to figure out how to go about this!
Any suggestions any advise is welcomed!! I have to get past this!
So I ask you if you went threw this.. what did you do to get past this????