Thursday, March 29, 2012
I have not been really active on this site lately. I have been dealing with a lot in my personal life.
I need to get if off my chest and I don't know where to turn.
There has been a man I have been in love with for the last 5 years. We have not been together that whole time, but we have been for the last 2.
He is 47 years old, turning 48 on Saturday. I am 36. Last week I asked him to move out.
I have been letting him live with me without paying my very much (maybe $200 a month). I have a son. I guess what I am trying to say is that he walks all over me.
He does not help around the house. He eats all our food and does not replace it. He takes off for days on end without any explanation, except that I should assume he is camping. He does not treat my son with respect.
Despite all that, I feel like my heart is breaking. I am terrified. I am scared I can't do this alone. That I can't manage without his help.
I am also scared he will turn on me. I have to admit, he has done so before. He tried to have my son taken away and have me fired from my job.
I feel like such a loser for letting him in my life and caring so much about him. What is wrong with me????
I am unable to admit much of this to the people in my life. Instead I have shut them out.