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Slogans and wow ... how come it took me this long?

Thursday, March 29, 2012


For the most part I dislike TV. I'll watch some sci-fi series, but for the most part I avoid it like the plague. Commercials and ads are sometimes the worst. In the past 15 years, my TV got more use for gaming consoles than it ever got for TV watching. I didn't even pay for cable in the apartment I had for four year or the triplex I had for 10. Unfortunately, there's not much chance of avoiding the TVs at the gym. Every cardio machine is pointed at them.

I just happened to noticed one of the ads tonight. It had a slice of pizza and a slogan about when your favorite food fights you. Basically the point was that when a food makes you feel bad, you should just keep eating it and pop a pill to get rid of the body symptoms screaming at you that the food isn't good and healthy. (Foods in the ads are pizza, burgers, corn dogs and the like.)

Is it any wonder so many people eat poorly with the socially acceptable answer being "take an antacid if it makes you feel bad"? (And I've seen it in more than a few blogs - the "I can't believe I ate that. I feel terrible now.") Maybe it's just a quirk of mine, but I don't keep doing something that is painful or uncomfortable unless there's a very clear reward - and eating food isn't a reward to me; it's meant to be a pleasure.


The other thing tonight was I had an odd little epiphany.

I keep saying stuff about the relationship baggage I'm carrying. The key issue is ability to trust.

Suddenly tonight something dawned on me.

I make a big deal about being weird, unique, unusual - essentially that no one else is exactly like me.

... so why am I thinking and reacting as though everyone else will always be the same?


Just because one guy borrowed $80 and never paid it back does not mean every other guy is going to flake on paying me back. Even if a SECOND guy tried to borrow $80 for diapers, spent it on drugs, does not mean every guy will.

I've learned how to protect myself. I don't loan money that I can't afford to give. I even subsequent to those two situations wired money to a guy I knew in WOW so he and his wife could pay rent and get some food. Sure, he didn't pay me back either, but I didn't go into that expecting anything but to give money to help someone.

Somehow I've been hung up for years on the idea that I can't trust a guy to be 100% true to me.

But even if one, or five, or fifty are cheaters ... there's plenty who are not. And I'm judging them ALL based on the one. /facepalm

I kept myself from seeing that all I was doing was cowardly avoiding risk.

Why did it take me this long to see past my own flimsy mask on this one? I have no idea.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
SHIROIHANA 3/31/2012 8:49PM

    Great insight! It's also easier to protect ourselves from everyone else by not trusting them or allowing ourselves to open up to strangers, so glad to hear that your thoughts are changing for the better.

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ERINSPGOM 3/30/2012 2:35PM

    You never cease to amaze me with your insight. And somehow, it's always something I need to hear. I just wanted to say Thank you.

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SABLENESS 3/30/2012 8:53AM

    It's ALWAYS easier to see someone else's issues. The trust thing is really hard when our own trust has been abused and taken advantage of.

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TIFFY0906 3/29/2012 7:04PM

    Sometimes it takes a while to get the revelations that are staring us right in the face. But as I been saying all along this journey should not be just about losing weight but improving ourselves mind, body and soul - and you are doing that.

Comment edited on: 3/29/2012 7:05:31 PM

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SASSY5468 3/29/2012 12:08PM

    Excellent insight! You didn't recognize it because you weren't ready to! You've been doing so much work here that you just work your way to that. I'm so happy for you :)

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX12 3/29/2012 11:45AM

    Great insight. I believe we are all different in some way and that makes us all the same on one level. emoticon I'm quirky and it took me a long time to come to terms with that. I love getting older. It changes self perception and the ability of self acceptance.

And you are so right. Not everyone will let you down. emoticon

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ISAVEDME80 3/29/2012 11:10AM

    Took so long because you are merely human and when the time is right it would happen. Now was the right time. Don't worry about small things like guys trust me on this. I have to wake up everyday putting my faith into others and trusting that they wont do me wrong and I take the good and the bad. I've never been cheated on but I had the worst things possible happen to me by a man who happened to be my Dad so I know how very hard it is to not want to trust guys and when all is said and done the end results are it's not the past that's important its putting your heart out there and if it gets smashed glue it back life is far to short to hide behind fear of anything a mere man can do to you, no one but God deserves that kind of power over us and we shouldn't fear God unless we've done something unforgivable.

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SHERIO5 3/29/2012 10:47AM

    Isn't it great to keep learning?!! Building walls to protect ourselves is the "easy" way out, but then we often block out the love and friendship too...maybe there's a balance for boundaries...but windows? Just a thought.

I love seeing you learn about yourself! emoticon

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LGAR519 3/29/2012 10:04AM

    Hard to beat your blog and the good answers you got----so I won't try!

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JALEEMN 3/29/2012 9:36AM

    Learning to trust again is challenging, but what a fantastic revelation to have.

Now as for TV we do have cable and a dish at our weekend place. But most of our TV watching is limited to the Food network, Home and Garden channel, some occasional football, baseball, 2 or 3 sitcoms. Most of the rest of what's on TV isn't fit for anyone to watch and our grandkids when they are over aren't allowed to watch anything we don't say is all right.

Food is rewarding to me but not in the sense of it as a reward in itself for something achieved or done well. I love the reward my senses get from truly delicious healthy well prepared food. The satisfaction for eating a healthy portion is rewarding. But I don't use food as a reward simply because I eat good healthy meals every day. I like to make my rewards in the form of taking the time to do something healthy for myself. Whether that be a day of geocaching, a date with my bride or on rare occasion buying myself something I have been wanting.

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THETURTLEBEAR 3/29/2012 9:30AM


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TORIAMAE 3/29/2012 9:25AM

    _Ramona: I'd never heard that Dr. Phil quote, but it makes good sense.

For what it's worth, I've been the same way, distrustful, pushing others away. What you say makes so much sense and I'm really glad you're having that kind of breakthrough.

And the food thing? It makes no sense to me either. Just like watching my father eat foods he knows will make him violently ill since his gastric bypass. It doesn't make sense to me, but I guess we have a culture that tells us we can and should be able to have whatever we want without consequences.

Alas, life does not work that way.

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AMYTRIPP 3/29/2012 8:35AM

    Sounds like you had a real break through moment. Now you can move ahead. Congrats!

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THISTIMEMYWAY 3/29/2012 7:14AM

    Oh we are an overmedicated society, that is for sure. Pill-popping, ignoring our bodies' cries, just dulling them with pills.

I just have my computer as a tv! My kids watch tv when they go to their grandparents and only PBS- curious George, word girl, etc.

I do eat for many reasons that is why I am working on eating mindfully...

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THISTIMEMYWAY 3/29/2012 7:10AM

    Hmmm... Well I will tell you, before I met my husband, I met guys with insecurities, money problems, and alcohol addiction, etc. I had given up for a while.. But when I met my husband, I knew that we would be able to be together because he WAS AWARE of his issues (which we all have) AND I could talk to him about anything. I found a man who didn't say, Take me as I am. We are growing together.
I married at 33 and it was worth the wait...although being an old mother of very young kids is hard for me..but my husband and I are working on making the work more equitable:)

There's hope...he's around the corner... emoticon

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SUE_2U 3/29/2012 5:23AM

    It takes a long time to learn to trust, again, once you've been hurt.
It also takes a certain point of maturity and experience before you really do understand that everyone does not think the same way as whatever or whoever. And that people can and do change, but usually won't.

My husband taught me something. He said that in his country, you do not just trust people. You learn to trust what you can depend upon each individual to do. Some people you can trust with money. Some you can't. Me? You can leave a bag of money here and I won't touch it, but don't leave an open bag of potato chips around me. Or an unopened one, especially if it's Barbeque! Everyone has their weaknesses, and everyone has their strengths... though it may take a long time to find some strengths in some people, and maybe might not be worth the wait.

The jerk who took your money is a type of guy I've met all too often. The one I'm with now, he's just the most dependable, wonderful guy, and it would never occur to him to do anything like that. In fact, he's actually really generous to me. He just bought a bunch of supplements for me, as a gift, just because he was reading about them and actually spent time doing some online research, and he thought maybe they would help a problem I was having with my health. They were sort of expensive, and when I said something about it, he just said, "Honey, you are worth that and so much more!" Which was so sweet... I'm still not used to that.

Honestly I've had some of those guys who you could send to the store with $80 to buy diapers for your baby, and they would go gamble that $80 of yours, or buy beer and cigarettes with it, instead. I even had a guy borrow $20 from me, once, then claimed he paid me back when he bought us BOTH dinner with it when we were out, one day! I kid you not. Some guys are just users. Some are givers. You deserve the latter kind. I hope you find him soon. emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/29/2012 5:24:19 AM

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_RAMONA 3/29/2012 3:43AM

    "You will trust another only to the extent that you trust in your own ability to respond to whatever they bring into the relationship." Dr.Phil McGraw

I think you just graduated to a new level of relationship with and faith within yourself and, consequentially, others! :)

(...and "once burned, twice shy" is exponentially magnified with each successive hurt... healing hurts takes time to achieve new levels of self-awareness.)

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