Thursday, March 29, 2012
For the most part I dislike TV. I'll watch some sci-fi series, but for the most part I avoid it like the plague. Commercials and ads are sometimes the worst. In the past 15 years, my TV got more use for gaming consoles than it ever got for TV watching. I didn't even pay for cable in the apartment I had for four year or the triplex I had for 10. Unfortunately, there's not much chance of avoiding the TVs at the gym. Every cardio machine is pointed at them.
I just happened to noticed one of the ads tonight. It had a slice of pizza and a slogan about when your favorite food fights you. Basically the point was that when a food makes you feel bad, you should just keep eating it and pop a pill to get rid of the body symptoms screaming at you that the food isn't good and healthy. (Foods in the ads are pizza, burgers, corn dogs and the like.)
Is it any wonder so many people eat poorly with the socially acceptable answer being "take an antacid if it makes you feel bad"? (And I've seen it in more than a few blogs - the "I can't believe I ate that. I feel terrible now.") Maybe it's just a quirk of mine, but I don't keep doing something that is painful or uncomfortable unless there's a very clear reward - and eating food isn't a reward to me; it's meant to be a pleasure.
The other thing tonight was I had an odd little epiphany.
I keep saying stuff about the relationship baggage I'm carrying. The key issue is ability to trust.
Suddenly tonight something dawned on me.
I make a big deal about being weird, unique, unusual - essentially that no one else is exactly like me.
... so why am I thinking and reacting as though everyone else will always be the same?
Just because one guy borrowed $80 and never paid it back does not mean every other guy is going to flake on paying me back. Even if a SECOND guy tried to borrow $80 for diapers, spent it on drugs, does not mean every guy will.
I've learned how to protect myself. I don't loan money that I can't afford to give. I even subsequent to those two situations wired money to a guy I knew in WOW so he and his wife could pay rent and get some food. Sure, he didn't pay me back either, but I didn't go into that expecting anything but to give money to help someone.
Somehow I've been hung up for years on the idea that I can't trust a guy to be 100% true to me.
But even if one, or five, or fifty are cheaters ... there's plenty who are not. And I'm judging them ALL based on the one. /facepalm
I kept myself from seeing that all I was doing was cowardly avoiding risk.
Why did it take me this long to see past my own flimsy mask on this one? I have no idea.