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    BECCA315   78,471
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TWO WASTED DAYS

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Ok this is my problem. It seems that when ever I do something for myself, such as lose a few pounds, or join a challenge like this stress busters one, I end up sabotaging myself. I did pretty well last week, joined the challenge because there has - and continues to be - a lot of emotions pouring through this house, then ruined it by taking two days off.

What makes it worse is that Monday is the regular gym day, 30minutes with the personal trainer and at least 20 minutes doing cardio. Yet I was so disgusted with myself that I didn't even bother to log it. So not only did I fall off the food wagon and let it run me over, but I didn't keep track of the good that I did manage to do.

So my question: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF? AND WHEN WILL I EVER LEARN FROM PAST MISTAKES? Many times in the past, when I have hit this mental block, I have quit whichever program I was on, figuring I shouldn't pay for advice I'm not using. So I do know that the fact that Sparkpeople is free will keep me coming back, at least for a while. But the whole feeling that I could be much further along if I'd just stick to the rules more is like living under a black cloud.

Becca
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECCA315 3/29/2012 7:36AM

    I am really trying to think of this as a new lifestyle, one which helps and nourishes ME, but it's hard to fight 4 decades of bad habits.

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MEME102 3/28/2012 5:49PM

    Oh my - could I have written this blog!!! It's almost like we're afraid of 'success' isn't it?? I don't have any answers -- at least definitive ones -- for you at this point but I can give you a couple of things I've learned.

Are you thinking lifestyle change or diet? I know I had to get past the 'diet' thing and let myself know that this has to be a lifestyle and yes life gets in the way (as you well know) but we always have to stop - think -- who's worth this journey? Who's going to be hurt if I stop? Not the people or the situations that drive us crazy for sure....we're only hurting ourselves....

My other thing is -- finding out what does work -- I have a hard time on challenges (think it's b/c I think of it as another stress)so I do tend to shy away from them. They're great for some people and motivate them but for the most part - not me. So that's what I think you need to find - what is going to work for you -- for the shortterm, then the longterm.

Will keep you in my prayers Becca -- don't give up -- you are so worth this journey!

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