Wednesday, March 28, 2012
So I'm doing something today that I haven't done in a long time.....check my Spark page at lunch time. It's good to see all my friends still here...familiar names and skinnier faces. :)
I haven't been around because I lost my motivation. I'm in a somewhat dark place right now, due, mainly to work. At the end of the year my supervisor quit. As her 2IC I was prepared to pick up some slack for the new supervisor and possibly fill in until that person was 'up and running'. Instead I was thrown into the supervisory position with no experience, education or proper training (I just became 2IC about a month or so prior, with the understanding I would be mentored along....yeah right). We have a new supervisor, however she was first part time and now has been off sick for a month....so basically she has been a supervisor in title only. It has been overwhelming beyond anything I've experienced before in my life.
There are 8 people on our team....8 people that count on me to run this thing and lead it. There are things I just don't know not having any experience, there are decisions that come down to me.....the most indecisive person I know! There are project managers and department leads looking to me.....this is engineering, I'm afraid of messing up. Oh but don't forget my actual work/job has to be completed as well.....plus picking up the slack for being one person short. I've delegated almost everything I possibly can.... And I get little or no support from our department head (ie, the supervisor's boss). I'm not sure when it's going to end, as I have a new person starting on Monday (that's 9!), and we're phasing in a new software that changes our jobs completely (training on Tuesday). I have to learn how to archive projects on Thursday and somehow manage to keep one of the 9 from going over my head all the time.
Man, can we stop this truck so I can get off?
I have an appointment with my doctor on Friday, and am going to discuss with him stress leave. To top it off my partner has not been well for much of this year....dealing with medication and sleep issues. I have also not been able to sleep either, my mind goes a thousand miles a minute when I get into bed. I have gained about 20 pounds since my last update. Yeah....over the 200 mark again. I can't focus on eating properly and sometimes forget eating all together when I'm at work. Well, my whole focus and concentration are almost nil..... To top it off a friend passed away last month and another friend was in a serious accident that left him brain damaged. Almost every morning I wake up wanting to cry because I don't want to go to work. Yeah.....definitely want off this truck.
Of course, being so busy at work I have no energy to do anything in the evening (ie exercising). I have been focusing on Geocaching so much lately in what spare time I have because it gets me out of the house and moving.
Anyways, here it is in print....as one day I hope to feel the Spark again and get back in and serious about getting healthy again. And I will look back and be proud that I made it through this time. I hope it's soon, I miss biking sometimes.....
Good things....back has been (almost) pain free lately, we're going to Vancouver in a month, I'm going to Winnipeg at Easter, Geocaching has been so fun! And I do love my job, all this learning has been amazing for me.....it's the quantity that has killed me (we organize engineering documentation for Shell....they're pretty big). Good things....I got a substantial raise at the beginning of the year, I have 6 geocaching trackables to take to Winnipeg, and my animals are all healthy (that wasn't my 9 year old cat's spray we smelled in the house the other day!). Focus on the good, forget the bad, and make it through another day......