Hello *again* friends!
First of all, I must announce how proud I am that I am actually blogging TWICE in the month of March! Iím not sure what is wrong with me Ė my temperature seems normal Ė but it seems that waking up so darn early in the mornings (more on that later) actually blessed me with more hours in a day to do wonderful things like scour the internet for the perfect oatmeal pancake recipe, read up on all 100 recaps of Sundayís Mad Men, and of course, write this blog post.
5 major updates since the last blog
1) REALIZATION: I GET REALLY NERVOUS/ANXIOUS AROUND PEOPLEÖ
Öand to calm my nerves, I eat like Iím #1 in a hot dog eating contest.
(Basically, the more social events, the more I eat and the more weight I gain subsequently)
I am not sure when this started (last year maybe?), but what I do know is that itís getting worse. I canít even eat around my parents or even my best friend normally. And nevermind if anyone draws attention to my eating Ė I will go even deeper down the rabbit hole. Luckily the only person who does not affect me anxiously is DH, which is a good thing because he is who I hang out with the most!
So this is something major that I am in the process of figuring out.
2) CONFESSION: CARBS AND BINGING.
Remember when I wrote all that good stuff about balance? Well boy did I shoot myself in the back paw since I last hit that ďPost Blog EntryĒ button, because another binge session occurred since then as well as a few other crazies. But itís mostly under control now. Actually, I donít know what I mean by ďunder controlĒ because Iím not sure itís every going to be completely controllable, but I did realize the factors involving and leading up to the point, so I think Iím just more in the point of learning and moving on.
The first (and really only) binge session occurred on St. Patrickís Day evening at a dinner at a neighborís house. Although Iíve balanced my diet with meats, fats, sugars and lots of veggies, apparently I have not fulfilled my needs in the grains department, because I went totally berserk over soda bread at dinner. My neighbors may have seen me in my bathrobe with my hair in an impromptu bird-nest style while fetching the paper in the early mornings, but they are still people, and because of that, I kept scarfing food down my throat. (See #1) But that isnít the worst part. Noooo way: after I came home from the dinner, I snuck into the kitchen and took down. An. Entire. Loaf. Of. Soda bread. O.M.G. Let me just say that it was not my best Miss America moment, and my jar of jelly was obliterated by the time I finally finished (read: the soda bread was all gone). Another one for the books, folks.
What I did learn was what I need to make room for starchy carbs. Besides, Iím a runner, so what the hellicat was I doing not filling my plate with carbs to begin with. Ugh! Lesson learned and moving on.
3) BIG NEWS: I *VOLUNTARILY* WAKE UP AT 4:30 AM NOW!
Why? Good question! Once you find the answer, please tell me, because at this point I suspect that I find perverse enjoyment in punishing myself. Ha!
Okay so in all seriousness, it seemed that my little experiment of 4:45 am went so well that in my most hallucinogenic runnerís high moments, I decided that it would make me much more awesome to wake up at 4:30 am.
Result? First, I really do feel like I have so much more free time during the day (hence this blog). Second, for a non-morning person, Iím pretty darn proud of myself to accomplishing this feat day after day. Third, this makes 6:30 am wake up calls on the weekends a luxurious task I call ďsleeping inĒ (DH, however, Does Not Appreciate my wide-eyed nature and my ďturbo mouthĒ as he puts it at that time on Saturday mornings). Fourth, I pass out at 8:30 pm every night, which gives me less time to raid the kitchen at night Ė WIN!
(Unfortunately, my Awesome meter hasnít wavered, so maybe Iíll wake up at 4:15 am now? Ha - JUST KIDDING!)
4) OMG DISCOVERY: ADORA DISCÖ
Where have you BEEN all my life!
Seriously, I can NOT believe this devilish little chocolate thing provides me Ĺ the calcium I need for the day. Every time I take it Ė for my health, mind you Ė I feel like Iím splurging.
Donít believe me? Well, check out the warning label on the package sometime, where it warns you that even though this thing tastes so darn good, remember to treat it as a nutritional supplement.
When was the last time you read *that* on a vitamin bottle?
5) OMG DISCOVERY #2: KASHI WAFFLES
Where have you BEEN all my life Part Deux!
In reference to #2, Iíve been eating waffles (OMG WAFFLES!!!) in the mornings to get my grains in. I understand these waffles to be healthy but um HELLO Ė my kitchen smells like CAKE when I toast up those puppies. So Wrong but the package says it So Right!
You know that saying Ė ďIf itís too good to be trueÖĒ? Well, Iím starting to wonder, because all this healthy *delicious* stuff that suddenly popped into my life is turning me suspect.
MARCH 2012 WRAP UP
Iíve done the most this month in getting myself balanced, but I would still pin March 2012 up in the ranks of January and February 2012 in terms of turmoil. This balance thing is difficult! But I will do it and I *canít* give up.
Whatís been working:
1) Writing out my negative feelings in my journal every morning. Writing it out doesnít always shake my bad mood, but it does provide some relief after I do
2) Waking up so darn early in the morning. Iím taking this thing one at a time.
3) My new philosophy: if a stimuli creates a negative reaction or domino effect, expose myself to the negative stimuli some more to lose its power over me. This has worked especially well for my new eating plan. When I previously would purposely avoid sweets, it became my #1 binge. Now that sweets are not excluded from my eating plan, itís the last thing I want when I binge.
What hasnít worked:
1) That whole low-carb thing. Add South Beach and Paleo to the list of diets my body canít/wonít handle.
2) Being active in my early morning workouts, yet extremely sedentary at the computer in the afternoon. Since our evening workouts are more sporadic now (aka ďnot exactly happening anymoreĒ), I need to do something in the post-lunch hours like 10 minute workouts or something. This could be the very issue of why I canít shake the last few pounds here.
3) Eating with people (excluding DH).
Much to my relief, the cravings subsided quite a bit since I last blogged Ė YAY!
Still not sure if I will continue the sobriety streak post July. Iíll just take it one day at a time.
APRIL 2012 GOALS
I decided that I am so going to WIN IT this April. Hopefully the rains will take a one-way ticket outta town, the warm air will seduce my arms to baring themselves, and I will finally have my Saturday where I ride my bike hard and then pass out like a bum on the beach. I am going KILL it!
1) Become more active in the weekday afternoons:
Minimum Goal: 10+ min at 2x/week
Achieved Goal: 10+ min at 3x/week
Rockstar Goal: 10+ min at 4-5x/week
2) Get back on the bike! I havenít ridden since my bike accident, but only because of this annoying thing called rain and thunderstorms (go away and stay away Please!) and planned events.
3) Friends + food = RELAX. Instead of focusing how nervous I am, I am going breathe, relax and enjoy the moment. If I canít get there, I will as much water as it takes to slow me down food-wise (after all, it *would* be a good opportunity to get in my water intake, yes?)
Psssst! Can you keep a secret?
To me, DHís food will always look better than mine. I canít explain it. I can sit with a banana split with the works in front of me, but if he orders a radish, I will still prefer his sad little radish over my decadent dessert. And of course, same goes if we even order the same exact thing. True story!
So today, we decided to order in for lunch: an 18-inch sausage and pepperoni pizza bigger than my biggest suitcase for him and the most awesome tasting White Fish with Mediterranean sauce and a HUUUUUGE salad for me. (FYI: we order him giant pizzas with intentions of leftovers for future lunches and dinners in mind)
As usual, he offered me a bite or two before he demolished his lunch, but the atypical me today declined. To be nice. And also because I had quite the spread on my lunching agenda in front of me (and I would therefore look completely ridonkulous in eating my lunch *and* his).
After lunch, I started packing up the leftover pieces when suddenly the hugest, strongest, most uncontrollable urge surged through my veins and Ö
I took multiple ďinconspicuousĒ bites out of Each Slice.
I couldnít help it.
Hereís one slice I ďtestedĒ:
Itís not that bad, right? I mean, you donít think he would notice do you? I believe I was careful with the size of each bite and thoroughly strategized the placements as well.
Yeah, I donít think heíd notice.