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When Evil Lurks in the Sofa...

Monday, March 26, 2012

Two and a half weeks after surgery and the incision seems to be healing nicely, my energy is returning and I'm starting to get back to work. I get the official report back from my surgeon as to the prognosis in a couple days and am in a bit of a nervous holding pattern until then. My voice still has no tonality to it (I have a six note range which is driving me crazy) and my digestion system is very annoyed with me. I'm not sure if it is the supplements that is causing the bloating and gas but honestly, I could do without it.

My main complaint about the healing process is somewhere along the line, my sofa turned evil. We have a very old sectional sofa which is usually perfect and beyond comfortable. It's the sofa that eats people (in a very friendly way, of course). What I mean to say is that once you sit it in you don't want to - and normally can't - get out. It can sleep two people and sits about 8-10 depending on how comfortable you are with the friends around you. It became my nest after surgery as it's central to most of the house and lets me still be a part of the main hub instead of being sequestered and completely going stir-crazy from lack of interaction.

I thought the sofa was my friend.

It is not.

The sofa betrayed me.

The problem with being prone for large periods of time is that your body doesn't get to do what it normally does throughout the day. You lose flexibility, strength, and endurance. Your body also goes into positions that it's not used to being in for longer periods of time. And when you don't change your ways after a few warning signs, it sends the bigger messages, and my body, quite literally, became a very large pain in the ass.

I believe I just may have "broken" my butt.

"Anatomy of the Piriformis Muscle
The piriformis is a small muscle located deep within the hip and buttocks region. It connects the sacrum (lower region of the spine) to the top of the femur (thigh bone) and aids in external rotation (turning out) of the hip joint."(http://www.thestretchi

Piriformis issues can apparently arise from sitting or slouching too long. Due to the position that I maintained during the majority of my first week of recovery: a semi-prone or low seated position, all I have to say is: Damn you, sofa.

Sleeping is inordinately painful. I can't turn in my sleep from side to side as picking up the pelvis and glute muscles off of the floor/bed is excruciating. Walking for the most part is okay as are, surprisingly, most of my yoga stretches. My partner-in-crime is helping me with shoving his thumbs into the muscle (he is a massage therapist) and this seems to help as do very hot baths. Bending however in the mornings before the muscle has warmed up is my biggest challenge and I become quite a comedienne when I get dressed. Putting on pants/socks/shoes is no fun. I find it funny that I hardly took any meds for my surgical recovery but am definitely on a lovely supplementary diet of advil and tylenol now.

It is slowly getting better, but I feel like a bit of a cosmic joke. Murphy, where ever you are, I hope you're getting a good laugh. It is so true that: "If anything could go wrong, it will."

Thanks again to everyone for their continued well wishes. If I may give you a piece of advice this week please believe me when I say that no matter how much you love your furniture, they are sly objects of torture when you are too friendly with them. Your only true friend is your body. Treat it well.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TAMMIEANN76 4/15/2012 4:19PM

    You always make me smile with your posts!!!

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MSHEALTHY56 3/29/2012 10:33AM

    Broken Butt....too funny...but seriously I know how painful that area can be and it is not funny at all. Hope you heal quickly!!! emoticon

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RONOSOF 3/29/2012 8:27AM

    Oh I have too broken my butt and it is PAINFUL! I am happy that your partner is a massuesse. I paid a lot of money for my butt rubs! LOL

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EMELEE82 3/29/2012 12:29AM

    lol! crazy couch monsters! Loved your blog - you are funny :)

I am sorry to hear you are in pain and wish you a speedy recovery!

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NANHBH 3/29/2012 12:07AM

    So sorry that your sofa betrayed you! Until recently, I never heard of the Piriformis Muscle. Now you are the 3rd or 4th person who has had a problem with it! Wonder if it's a Spark disease?
Hope you're feeling better soon!

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KANOE10 3/28/2012 9:18PM

    I hope you feel is so tough to recover from. emoticon

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NOT2L82BME 3/28/2012 10:38AM

    I'm so glad you have a sense of humor! Love this post...laugh through it, in time, this too shall pass. As will the pain in your ass. :)

Second time you made me smile today and I really needed it. Thank you so much for being you and being so honest and humorous in your writing.

Have a beautiful day!

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THETA83 3/28/2012 9:30AM

    Very funny. Hope you feel better soon.

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LEXIE63 3/28/2012 5:20AM

    Oh dear! At least you are keeping your sense of humour in all this. :-) Hope your derriere is back to normal soon.
Lex xxx

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LUCKYDOGFARM 3/28/2012 12:53AM

    great laughs! sorry about your broken butt. google piriformis stretches - images. there are some great ones out there. i like the images because sometimes it is easier to see what to do instead of trying to follow the instructions on them. hope your behiney feels better soon!

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XPHOENIX 3/27/2012 4:10PM

    LMAO Poor you. Why is your couch so mean to you!? LOL I will say a prayer that you get well soon. XOXOXO

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BERRYNINJA 3/27/2012 9:22AM

    That IS an evil couch! Keep us up to date on the prognosis when you get it. I hope your piriformis starts behaving soon too. Make sure you are getting enough hydration!

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LRSILVER 3/27/2012 7:01AM

    Great blog. I hope you lose the pain in the piriformis muscle soon.

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UNICORN212 3/27/2012 12:30AM

    The bloating and gas may still be from the surgery. I do know what you mean about the couch - I have one like it, but I do not spend a lot of time there - it sucks my will away! There are some good yoga stretches for that muscle....

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MSLZZY 3/26/2012 11:26PM

    When I stay in one place too long, I feel like one of those
pretzels and not the stick variety. If it is too cold, I curl
up in a ball and stay in one position all night. Your couch
and I would get along nicely-until morning.
Do take care of yourself so the healing can progress.

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BE-THE-CHANGE 3/26/2012 11:21PM

    Thanks for the info. I think I have the same injury. I have literally had a 'pain in my butt' ever since I slept in my recliner a few nights in a row and the worst pain is when I sit in said chair again.

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DOGLADY13 3/26/2012 9:23PM

    I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have issues with my ileo-sacral joint staying where it belongs. I know that pain of not being able to get out of bed very well. I've done PT twice around this issue. This is what I've learned:

Stretch your hamstrings
Pelvic Tilts are your best friend.
Lower ab exercises are very good (do the bicycle with your feet/legs parallel to the ground rather than perpendicular)
Planks are very good
Russian twists are very good (
My Mr. Testosterone husband calls these my "hinky" exercises. Then I invited him to join me in doing them one day. They kicked his butt.

It may take a few days, but these will almost certainly help your broken butt.

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SCBAGRL09 3/26/2012 7:16PM

    Sorry you broke your butt! And I agree - very lucky you have an in house massage therapist. I hope you feel better really soon. And we appreciate you alerting us to the evil plots that are probably shared by sofas everywhere...

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CGARR442 3/26/2012 6:25PM

    I am so sorry to hear of your pain. You are right Murphy's Law is evil! I agree with PATRICIAANN46 you are a very funny writer. I'm glad you hanging on to your sense of humor in the trying time.
I am praying for your results to be positive and hope you tummy feels better soon.
Take care and try to find as comfortable a position as possible.

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IAMWINNING 3/26/2012 5:51PM

    I'm glad surgery things are coming along as they should, but sorry you're having the problems you are. I'm glad you have your very own massage therapist. : )

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ANGELA12372 3/26/2012 5:49PM

    I am so sorry you have "broke" your butt, but I really got a chuckle out of your blog!!! You are so amazing to have such an uplifting personality through all this!!! I hope your recovery goes even quicker now!!! And thank you for the chuckle, I needed that today!! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!! HUGS!!!!

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SUSIEPH1 3/26/2012 5:37PM

    Too Funny !!
so sorry about you broken butt!

I know what you are talking about it happened to me ... so sore !
Heal quickly... Be well soon... and start writing for a living !!.
Hugs Susie emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PATRICIAANN46 3/26/2012 4:54PM

  If you aren't already a writer, YOU SHOULD BE!!!!! You are very funny. I do sympathize with you re: your broken butt as the very same thing happened to me after surgery. I sat in one position for way too long (because it was the only one that didn't hurt) and ended up with the same problem. It WILL go away.
Glad to hear that your incision is healing well and that you are feeling good otherwise.

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LIBELULITA 3/26/2012 4:52PM

    Ufff....that's all you needed. I hope you get some relief from it soon. I LOVE your background by the way emoticon emoticon

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BACKATITAMY 3/26/2012 4:13PM

  Aww, sorry your butt is broken now :( but so glad to hear that everything else is getting better day by day :) Lucky you to have a message therapist at your beckoning call, lol Take care :)

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NEW-CAZ 3/26/2012 3:13PM

    I hope you feel better really soon emoticon keep positive!

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BLACKROSE_222 3/26/2012 1:40PM


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EVER-HOPEFUL 3/26/2012 1:03PM

    emoticon and when i see murphy i will bash him for you and burn his book of laws.goodluck with the prognosis hope it is all good.take care and keep smiling love. emoticon

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LASVEGASLASS 3/26/2012 12:38PM

    Sorry to hear about your piriformis problems - but I have to admit - I love the way you write! So funny.

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HUSKERLAND3 3/26/2012 12:35PM

    Get better.

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