Sunday, March 25, 2012
Today has been very difficult for me ... Being a divorced/single mom without the support and love of a spouse is very hard. I dont even really know how to put all my thoughts down and have them make sense. so excuse me if you are reading this and it is all jumbled LOL.
I don't miss HIM (my ex) ... but I do miss having someone to share things with. Which is very odd to say because he was never one to be there for me to "share" with. Everything that I "miss" about him is actually everything I just want out of a marriage ... ya know, someone to talk to about my day, my fears and joys. Someone who can help me with my daughter, be there as an encouragement to her and to me. Someone I can encourage in all of his trials, someone I can build up and support in everything. Someone I can work out with, someone that wants to take walks with us and cook with us and clean with us .. just basically someone that will be there in all things, through all things, no matter what. Someone that will love us the way God intended him to. So we can love him the way God wants us to love him.
It seems like everytime I become "okay" with the fact that I dont have that someone, something happens to make me really focus on it. Something that makes me think, my life would be so much better if only .... if only I had that husband, if only my daughter had that amazing father, THEN it goes into more if only's ... if only I was skinny, if only I was fit, if only I had a job to support us ... things would be so much easier.
I have to remember that those if only's turn my focus from the ONE who loves me and my daughter more than anything else .... from the ONE who provides every single thing we NEED and provides ways for things to happen ... from the ONE who will never NEVER leave us or forsake us ... when I lose my focus from that ... that is the time I need to sit down and remember all the good things the Lord HAS given me. He gave me the most amazing daughter in the world, he has given me amazing parents who support us during this time, he gives me certain friends that help me and love me just at exactly the right moments.
I dont need a man to complete me .... I already have him ... Jesus! But I do want a man to compliment me here on earth ... I have to refocus my mind ... I have to renew my mind to heavenly things ... to things not of this world, to things that God wants me to focus on that will lift me up and encourage me instead of the things Satan wants me to focus on that will bring me down, discourage me and get all depressed.
Renew your mind ... it really will allow you to renew your body as well.