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Open Letter to Secretive Sparkers - De-Cloak Already!

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Saturday, March 24, 2012

Dear Privacy-Loving Spark Friend:



When I joined Spark on the day after Christmas 2011, I was both intrigued and apprehensive. emoticon

What I found intriguing was that the site was free (or it appeared to be free then, and so-far, so-good).

What had me feeling apprehensive was, well, everything else. I was sheepish and ashamed over the circumstances that brought me here, mainly. The amount of weight I needed to lose (and still need to lose) was nothing short of daunting. I was quite skeptical. emoticon

Quickly I discovered the nutrition and exercise trackers. The databases catered to my mathematical mind, and it was not long before I began to see a little progress on my "frenemy" - the scale. I also saw that there is a social media aspect to Spark, which I ignored. I already had wasted several lifetimes on facebook (generally in '09 and '10, which is when my generation discovered it). I never played the games there, and grew tired of the rest of it. After all, there is a reason we lose contact with 98% of the people with whom we attended high school. When the morbid curiosity of how they messed up their lives wore off, so did my interest in spending time on FB.

Accordingly, like many Sparkers, I was disinclined to participate in the social aspects of Sparkpeople. My reasons were simple: time and the fact that we do not know one another in real life (and never will). I was happy to fly around the Federation of fellow Sparkers, in my cloaked Romulan war-bird, metaphorically speaking. From time to time I would fly through the tail of a comet, and leave a visible trail. But for the most part in those first days, I was happily incognito.



However, as time went on and I read more and more here, I came to be possessed of the notion that an intrinsic commonality brings us all here. Just like when we all suffered through 7th grade Algebra with the same foreign teacher we could not understand, we are united here by a common adversity: for whatever reason there is (or was) too much of us! (Our "frenemies" - the bathroom scales - usually agree!). emoticon

There is safety in numbers. There is commonality and collegiality in a shared circumstance and a shared challenge. We all are members of the Sparky Caravan:

www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
ge_public_journal_individu
al.asp?blog_id=4723044


The point is this: to my shock and surprise, I got much more out of the Spark experience once I elected to de-cloak. I reset my Spark page settings to allow people to see me, my progress, my postings and otherwise to interact with me. I know of no circumstance of identify theft or other nefarious occurrence from doing so, but no guarantees (disclaimer from the husband of an attorney). You should de-cloak too - the overall Spark experience is both more fun and more rewarding. There is mutual support in them thar Sparky hills!

So come come on peeps - de-cloak and participate! Join the conversation! Try it - you'll like it! (Mikey, Life cereal, 1969). Or as Khan said (ST-II, 1982), "We're one big happy fleet!"



Update 3/25/12:

In the wake of some comments received here, I checked the visibility of Spark postings (and people for that matter) on the internet as a whole. I did this yesterday; my findings are current and here they are:

On Facebook - I cannot see Spark anything / anyone on Facebook. I see that when I update my status here on Spark, I have the option to cross-post onto FB. However, my account here and account there are not cross-linked and I do not intend to facilitate the connection.

On Google - I can find "boss61" on Google, with a handful of hyperlinks to my home page here and to various blogs. Ditto for my wife Susan818127. An open question remains whether the hyperlinks reveal anything, content-wise, to someone without a cookie-enabled account. The answer is that I would assume so.

So like all things internet, discretion remains the best part of valor (and of safety). No personally identifiable information should go here, which we do not want everyone to know. This is why almost all of us use pseudonyms, do not post addresses and phone numbers, etc. These practical concerns notwithstanding and in spite of the heartfelt and respected opinions of the dissenters who have graced this blog with their well-articulated views (Lady Dee, Callista and others), I continue to believe there is more to be gained than lost here by de-cloaking.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CREATINGAMANDA 3/26/2012 2:28PM

    I agree with you! My SparkPage is now private (as you'd see if you tried to click on it) but it wasn't always this way. I went through a private and painful time last year and I didn't want a bunch of people I didn't know reading about it ... but I wanted to continue to talk blog about it with the friends I have come to make on this site (some I know in real life, some only online).

I have noticed a major difference since making my page private. I don't feel as much a member of this community anymore and I know that's the reason why. I still do have a support system here, mainly friends I found before I made my page private, and I sometimes wonder if I'm missing out on something or someone because I've done that.

I'm haven't ruled out making my page public again but I'm not prepared to do so at this particular point in time. However, I still get friend requests and I accept *most of them ... so I'm not completely losing the experience of meeting new people!

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MASTERPIECE8 3/26/2012 1:53PM

    Great blog.

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XTRACATE 3/26/2012 1:34PM

    Great blog I enjoyed it and felt you were right on target, the community aspect has been very helpful for me.

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TORDINE 3/26/2012 1:34PM

  great blog. enjoyed reading every word

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MAVERICK59 3/26/2012 1:04PM

    This was interesting and fun to read.
I am not a fan of FB for the very reasons you listed.
Thank you for your honesty and sharing your vulnerability.
I think it will be helpful to others.

Belinda

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TORTILLAFLATS 3/26/2012 1:02PM

    great blog, and how true it is

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUCCESS_IN_2013 3/26/2012 12:57PM

    I can see why some would want to stay private but for me, it has been an overwhelmingly positive experience to be "out".

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HINCTYBEAT 3/26/2012 12:54PM

    THanks! it makes me sad when a spark friend of mine has commented on a blog so I go to check it out and it's set to private. I have gained so much from reading others' posts - of all kinds - I can't imagine how far I would have gotten without them.

I love the social and open aspect of this community. Being allowed to share in strangers' triumphs as well as struggles has certainly helped me feel less alone in my journey.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RICHILA 3/26/2012 12:40PM

    When the journey is long, it is good to have friends to accompany you.Getting to know people who have achieved what i want who started where i was has meant a lot to me. They hold the torch to light the way.

Spark On! We Got This! emoticon

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BMCKEOW1 3/26/2012 12:25PM

    I am with you. I got so much more out of this when I stopped hiding. For me it wasn't just keeping me away from other people. I was a little embarrased, I'm not anymore. Yes I have weight to get rid of.. No I'm not perfect but who is, I'm going to stumble, trip and fall along this journey of getting my life back. I find the support I get here to be worth the risks that someone with google me and discover that yes in fact I was fat. emoticon

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GLAZED-DONUT 3/26/2012 12:22PM

    Great blog! When I came to SP in 2007 I was completely open & visible... I was like that for a couple of years, until a couple of non-sparkers (meaning they were members but for the wrong reasons) started stalking my page and sending me less than nice sparkmails.
I decided to go 'private' meaning all of my current friends could see me, post on my page and blogs, but that if newbies wanted to be my SP friend, they would have to ask... this way I get ultimate control of who else is in my VERY POSITIVE SP circle! I normally wont add anyone unless they send me a spark mail requesting as to why... I know that sounds a little iffy, but I figure if they want to 'friend' me I want to know the reason why... it keeps lurkers away.
I will add them if I go to their page and they seem happy, positive and have a goal that perhaps I can help them with.
Overall i find the people of SP to be extremely awesome, motivating, inspiring, compassionate and understanding... things I cant get out of ANY other website or social network. The people of SP GET IT.... they get where I'm coming from, where Ive been... I find so much love and non-judgment here... I dont get that from my real-life friends, so SP friends fill that void. (-:
Thanks for sharing your de-clocking (-:
Susie*
aka: Donut*
emoticon

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MAGGIEROSEBOWL 3/26/2012 12:10PM

    You are so right--the partial anonymity of Spark has allowed me to post my innermost thoughts, feelings, fears and actual WEIGHT! When something happens to me, my first thought is, I have to share that on Spark. And usually I do. I don't cross link my account here to Facebook or Google either. I don't tell anyone I know what my Spark moniker is, nor do I want them reading my blogs. I do spread the word about Spark, because it is such a great tool and the best part--It's FREE! But my OWN page is just too personal, and I share information about others they might not like. But since no one really knows who they are, I think it's okay. I hope it's okay.

Recently I have read some articles about what (legally) happens to your Facebook page when you die. I wonder what will happen to my Spark page when I'm gone? I honestly plan on coming back here every day until that time!

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LESLISNEWLIFE 3/26/2012 12:08PM

    Thank you for sharing this blog! You are a great writer for one thing. For another, I completely agree with you! I have never been in a cloak, I have always been myself, put it all out there for everyone to read etc. I do find that I do that in SP though, where everyone can relate. I have my own personal FB weight loss group that I started because some of my friends wanted me to, to inspire them when I started the journey, it has saved my life, but I only have really close friends on there, and a few SP people who have become really close friends. On my main FB page I only have the "good" pics of myself and my family, I only post non-important quotes etc. on my main page etc. because of all the old classmates, and people I don't want to know my "real" struggles...so I guess in a way I am so much more comfortable with SP where I can be "myself" and figure we all have a story. I downloaded my "before" pic as soon as I could have someone who HAD one that I hadn't cropped out most of myself. Because I knew that I would safe here... emoticon emoticon

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BIANCAKHS 3/26/2012 11:52AM

    I haven't uncloaked because I really don't want anyone to think I am doing this for my approaching high school reunion. I'm doing it for myself and a healthy future. The reunion wasn't even scheduled when I started Spark. Now I do have an added incentive to get healthy.

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YOOVIE 3/26/2012 11:52AM

    "You should de-cloak too - the overall Spark experience is both more fun and more rewarding. There is mutual support in them thar Sparky hills!"

This is very subjective as some people shut down when people pay attention to them and their endeavors. There are also more damaging people that can find you and harass you here- from everything to your food tracker contents to the the nmber of hours you spend working out each week. Its always either too much or too little and the 'expert' masses will forever bog you down with conflicting basic information and being equally invasive when you listen to your body instead of them.

Maybe some people should let down their guard a little and be more social, but it isnt necessarily going to be helpful for everyone. For some people- it could be enough to break the little resolve they have left to keep going.

:(

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KM1116 3/26/2012 11:45AM

    This is great... Thanks!

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DIXIEDOODLEDEAN 3/26/2012 11:43AM

    Well said.

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TERRIPAL1 3/26/2012 11:33AM

    Thanks for sharing it's all what we make it!

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WILDHONEYPIE1 3/26/2012 11:31AM

    Wonderful post! emoticon for sharing. ( I loved the Trek references.) emoticon

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KLONG8 3/26/2012 11:11AM

    Glad you shared -

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SPARKLISE 3/26/2012 11:07AM

    A big part of the sparkpeople success is the community.
Glad you finally found that out!
"Live long and prosper!" emoticon

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BLESSED2BEME 3/26/2012 10:58AM

    Thanks for posting this - I go back and forth on how open to be on spark and I truly believe I've grown the most during the times I've truly shared from the bottom of my heart! I've stopped worrying about who will find me here because, frankly, what do I have to hide? I am me and I'm finally proud of who me is! And I learned that from the encouragement of spark people!

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JAYDEE16 3/26/2012 10:34AM

    This is right on. In fact, I address my cloaked-to-decloaked status change on my Sparkpage, because it was a huge deal for me. So it's funny you should mention it!
I do have concerns with the ability to Google our Sparkpages and blogs, the facebook octopus' tentacles reaching into every corner of life, etc. However, for me, part of opening the doors and windows on Spark is to make it easier to do so in "real life." And it works, for me. I am ever-so-slowly opening up to friends and family. The "sparky" part of me and my life was thoroughly closed, shuttered, and locked away for fear of public inspection and scrutiny for a few years, but I started to realize how destructive that can be.
I'm not that scared any more that someone I "know" in "real life" will find my page or blogs. I don't find it that likely, but if they do, they do. Oh well. This is me. I admit I still fight that fear every day, but I'm gradually getting over it.
The support and encouragement I get from my Sparkfriends, and the world of difference it has made to my Spark experience since I started to reach out to others, is well worth any "risk" I may take in being an active participant in the community.

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BAMAFIT2 3/26/2012 10:27AM

  Great Blog, Trekkie! emoticon emoticon

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TRANSMIGRATE 3/26/2012 10:11AM

    I would cloak and de-cloak depending on the sensitive nature of whatever blog I'd recently posted. I don't want to hold anything back, but there are things I just don't want the internet (specifically, people I know outside of Spark) to be able to find and read.

The "like" icon that showed up on my blog one day sealed it. No way. Not a chance.

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CPATRICK9 3/26/2012 10:05AM

    I totally agree!

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JENSTRESS 3/26/2012 9:39AM

    I completely agree! I have benefitted so much from the nutrition and fitness tracking, but even more from the support of other sparkers! I LOVE using the site! Thanks!

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MS_CURVEY24 3/26/2012 9:28AM

    I loved your post! I think what pushed me over the edge was the picture of Dear Ricardo! Wrath of Khan was my favorite Star Trek movie!!! Next time I get on the scale and gain a pound or 2 (hopefully not...) I will lift my fists and yell, "KKKKHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!!!" Maybe I'll frighten the neighbors. LOL!!!

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JLEMUS1 3/26/2012 9:12AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CPOPKIE 3/26/2012 8:56AM

    Great blog, spiced with just the right amount of humor! Best of luck reaching your goals. emoticon

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CATFISH_FAN 3/26/2012 8:40AM

    Great stuff, I liked it.

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CASEYTALK 3/26/2012 8:37AM

    The SP people have tracked this -- the people who get involved in the community aspect of SP usually lose more weight and keep it off longer than the people who don't. That's a correlation and not a causation, of course, but either it means that there's something inherent in being a social person that would also make you more likely to lose and keep of weight (doubtful, as we also gained it and kept it on in the first place) or that being social on the site helps you stay in the mindset of losing and keeping off weight (much more likely in my eyes.)

So there, nyah nyah, I'll keep you friended. See what you've started?

emoticon

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JUDYAMK 3/26/2012 8:30AM

    Thanks for posting love it all

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SKMINNY 3/26/2012 8:03AM

    Beem me up , Scotty!, just had to say that, I do like the star trek movies and feel the same about facebook, emoticon

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CUDDLYPOLARBEAR 3/26/2012 7:20AM

    great post

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SANDIBETTS1 3/26/2012 7:13AM

  Thanks for instructions for "coming out."

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WISDOM73 3/26/2012 6:57AM

    Community is a powerfull tool. Thanks for the great post. All the best on your journey!

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PENOWOK 3/26/2012 6:38AM

    love your landscape! Good post!

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123ELAINE456 3/26/2012 6:28AM

  Thank You. Im scared spitless with what I went losing 110 pounds on my own before finding Spark People. God Bless You and Have a Wonderful Week.

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GRAMPIAN 3/26/2012 6:23AM

  Thought-provoking emoticon

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SHERREMAC 3/26/2012 6:14AM

    So true!

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ILOVEJIM851991 3/26/2012 5:36AM

    Great comments :)

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KIMBAARTIST 3/26/2012 5:32AM

    decloaking--make it so number one!

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BLOOMING52 3/26/2012 4:22AM

    emoticon

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RUNNINGWILD 3/26/2012 12:43AM

    I never hid. I joined SP because a friend told me that it was a good social network for weightloss. I've lost count now of the number of "real life" meet-ups I've had. In fact, this coming Thursday, I'm meeting another group at the JASR event in Pittsburgh. emoticon Sparkpeople's SO much more fun when you're decloaked.

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KIPPER15 3/25/2012 9:52PM

    emoticon Being very slow at computer work I am slowly de-cloaking. emoticon

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CICELY360 3/25/2012 8:20PM

  I'm one of the semi-secretive sparkers.

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JDELMIT 3/25/2012 7:29PM

    emoticon

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LDRICHEL 3/25/2012 5:30PM

    Totally agree!!! I thought the social was weird at first too because I don't know anyone. But SparkPeople have been some of the most encouraging voices in my journey to a healthy lifestyle. I have even made a couple "real" friends on here. I am so glad I have been open enough to allow these people in. We really are all in this together.

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MARYJEANSL 3/25/2012 5:19PM

  You have almost convinced me...

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