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    SHRINKINGLULU   12,447
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Namby Pamby (w/pics!)

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Thursday, March 22, 2012

Lately I've been wishy-washy.
Ineffective, ineffectual, and irresolute.

It's certainly not very fun.

Oh I can eat out again tonight, I've been working out SO HARD and it takes up all the time that could be used for cooking...

I already worked out all week, I DESERVE the weekend off from hard exercise....

I'm not getting out of control. I'm eating pretty okay, I'm working out most days (sometimes twice a day)...

But I haven't had that cheerful energy behind it. I'm not gaining any weight, but I'm not losing any, either. More importantly, I'm not SURPRISED I'm not losing any, because of my half arsed efforts lately.

I was thinking, the last couple days, of analogies, because as you may know, I like to not only write, but draw it out, so I've got one!!

All efforts to change my life are an uphill journey. I don't care if it's weight loss or doing the dishes more often, it's a lot easier to NOT do what I know I should do, so sometimes I backslide, especially on the steepest, slipperiest parts, but other times I get to the "easy" part and have handy-dandy switch backs to help me up the grade gradually.

So recently, I found my old childhood friend, a slip 'n slide, on the hill.
I REALLY wan to dive headfirst onto that slippery yellow bit of joy and slide screaming as fast and as far as I can. It's easy to rationalize and tell myself I'll be able to sprint right back up to the start of the slip 'n slide and it will be like nothing happened, except for a fun little ride in the middle.

I REALLY wanted to buy a pizza when we were in costco Monday night and just chow down on half of it while guzzling diet coke and watching a kid's movie in my sweatpants. Ah the good ol' days.
Am I right?

Those days were not good. I felt like crap incarnate shortly after anytime I did that. I hated my choices, and sometimes myself. It's just not worth it.

It's hard to see from the top of the slip 'n slide that the little inflatable pool at the bottom is filled with self-loathing and doubt.

It's so easy to forget it's there and just kind of put a foot on the slide to feel the cool water.

Just a little refreshing cool-down for my tired feet, and then I'll keep going...
Then, before I knew it, I was basically running in place, like going up the down escalator. I wasn't letting myself go on the screaming ride of joy followed by the deep pit of a pool of despair, but I also wasn't making any progress up and away from it.

So Tuesday I made the conscious choice to step OFF of that yellow rubber, no matter how nice it might feel on my sore and blistery feet, and back onto firmer ground with better traction.
I didn't really do anything much different, but I changed my attitude significantly, and the difference is immeasurable.

I'm always going to feel a little bit like being the person I like being, and becoming the person I want to is one of those "up hill both ways in the snow" type of journeys.

To do what I know I should do is hard.
But to turn around and go back? Just as hard in a different way.
I can push my way through lack of willpower and motivation, or I can push up against self-doubt and a big lack of self-love.

So, after a little pit of pouting around, I've got my big girl panties back on, and I'm continuing to do what I know, now, works for me:
Do what makes me feel good ABOUT MYSELF, not what makes me feel "good" right now.
(Except when they happen to be the same thing, in which case, I do it twice as hard!)

If you want to share this or any of my blogs outside of Sparkpeople, please feel free to do so! I'm honored that you want to!! However, I ask that you do it from my blogger page. I have some fairly personal things here on my sparkpage, and it's a little weird to think of non-sparkers looking at it!!

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
FARIS71 3/23/2012 8:38AM

    Oh my gosh that was amazing! The good ol' days - I totally feel like going there sometimes but also realize they were NOT good. Maybe for 10 minutes good, but for days & weeks after, NOT good. I really feel myself in that midrange too. And you're right - it's about attitude all the way!

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MGNAGEY62 3/23/2012 8:32AM


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DENNETJ 3/23/2012 8:08AM

    Your blogs are always to amazingly heartfelt and they always seem to touch the truth with me too. The illustrations crack me up. Take care sparkfriend.

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GRAMPIAN 3/23/2012 7:46AM

  Enjoyed this.

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123ELAINE456 3/23/2012 4:30AM

  Awesome Blog with your Fantastic Picture Drawings. Enjoyed both. You are a very Inspirational Gal. You should be very proud of your accomplishments etc. This is the WAY TO GO !!! God Bless You and Have a Wonderful Week.

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BUSYMOM911 3/23/2012 3:47AM

    Love your drawings!

I've found, too, that it is easier to let things slide. But then, what pressure! Those things still have to get done. What we need sometimes is a good talking to.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GOLGGO 3/22/2012 10:19PM

    Thanks, I needed that tonite as I struggle to get back on track and feel better about myself. Love your pictures....I'm a very visual person. Thanks for sharing.

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MISSIFISH 3/22/2012 9:38PM

    I think motivation and excitement wanes for all of us on this journey. Glad you are working on getting your spark back!

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JMARIES51 3/22/2012 7:58PM

    Your writing and pictures are fantastic. Very motivational! Thank you.

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EVER-HOPEFUL 3/22/2012 7:40PM

    donīt you just love those big girlie pants, can do this emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ANIMAL_L0VER 3/22/2012 6:28PM

    You are so inspiring, and put so awesomely in to words what so many of us have felt at one time or another (usually multiple times!). I'm glad you trudged through this, and are getting back on track. I loved the end, and I hope your big girl panties feel real good!

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MEA6785 3/22/2012 5:24PM

    Thank you! As always, a lovely blog. I"ve been feeling very similar lately. I need to "put my big girl panties" back on too. haha love it. emoticon

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PARASELENIC 3/22/2012 5:15PM

    Welcome back, determined lulu! Lovely to see you again!

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LMULLINS4LIFE 3/22/2012 4:34PM

    So, this was funny and all. But the final sentiment was completely serious and completely RIGHT ON! It's like the truth just slapped me in the face! I'm printing it off and displaying it. Thanks!!!!!

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    Afraid I've been using recent successes as an excuse for celebratory binges. Need to stop doing that nonsense and keep on truckin'!


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DIET-DELIGHT 3/22/2012 4:10PM

    So true. And thanks , as usual, for putting it in fun pictures for us.

Maybe you should do a diet diary book with all these posts.


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ILOVEMALI 3/22/2012 3:56PM

    thanks for the reminder! we can do this!

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JAYDEE16 3/22/2012 3:44PM

    Ohhhhh yeah . . . I know that slip'n'slide well. But getting back up the hill just sucks SOOOO much. Thanks for the reminder. As always. :)

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CM_GARDNER78 3/22/2012 3:23PM

    Yup. Been there. JUST was there. Isn't it a strange thing that we go through? We all experience that euphoria feeling and do what we need to do.............until the feeling goes away. Blaaah. I will keep your blog in mind, and just get OFF that slip-n-slide. Good blog!

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AZCHICA2006 3/22/2012 3:19PM

    I've said it before and I'll say it again... I LOVE your blogs! They encapsulate everything I think!!!


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MYADOG1 3/22/2012 3:15PM

    I know exactly what you mean, you are Awesome for putting it out there!!!!
Here's to the climb emoticon

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CAROLYN_ROSE 3/22/2012 3:14PM

    I needed to read this!! I have been acting a lot like that too recently and it just isn't okay!! I need to also put on my big girl panties and get back on track!!! Stop letting myself think certain habits are okay, when they are clearly NOT! Thank you!!!

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CKGO69 3/22/2012 2:55PM

    I've been feeling the same way lately. Thanks for sharing. This was the kick in the reality check I needed today.

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ANGIEJAY77 3/22/2012 2:49PM

    Great post and so true. I think I'm on the slip and slide myself. Time to get off of it and back on the firm ground.

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FLGIRL1234 3/22/2012 2:42PM

    You are AWESOME! Yep, I said it. It's true. ;p

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2BEABETTERME 3/22/2012 2:28PM

    I love your pictures! Glad to hear you pushed through, you are worth it! emoticon emoticon

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HUSKERLAND3 3/22/2012 2:27PM

    All that was missing was the line "She said you don't fix stuff Steve" from multiplicity

Comment edited on: 3/22/2012 2:43:02 PM

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JUST_ALICIA 3/22/2012 2:26PM

  It's funny but I said just about the same thing in my blog this week but without your super fun pictures. I love them!!! You are so very right and it was great to read it from someone elses view. I was doing the wishy washy too and I didn't want to go back down that slide either.
Thank you for sharing!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MIMI315 3/22/2012 2:26PM

    Great blog!!!! It's always inspiring to read how you push threw any doubts you have.

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