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    SHRINKINGLULU   12,447
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Namby Pamby (w/pics!)

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Thursday, March 22, 2012

Lately I've been wishy-washy.
Ineffective, ineffectual, and irresolute.

It's certainly not very fun.

Oh I can eat out again tonight, I've been working out SO HARD and it takes up all the time that could be used for cooking...

I already worked out all week, I DESERVE the weekend off from hard exercise....

I'm not getting out of control. I'm eating pretty okay, I'm working out most days (sometimes twice a day)...

But I haven't had that cheerful energy behind it. I'm not gaining any weight, but I'm not losing any, either. More importantly, I'm not SURPRISED I'm not losing any, because of my half arsed efforts lately.

I was thinking, the last couple days, of analogies, because as you may know, I like to not only write, but draw it out, so I've got one!!

All efforts to change my life are an uphill journey. I don't care if it's weight loss or doing the dishes more often, it's a lot easier to NOT do what I know I should do, so sometimes I backslide, especially on the steepest, slipperiest parts, but other times I get to the "easy" part and have handy-dandy switch backs to help me up the grade gradually.

So recently, I found my old childhood friend, a slip 'n slide, on the hill.
I REALLY wan to dive headfirst onto that slippery yellow bit of joy and slide screaming as fast and as far as I can. It's easy to rationalize and tell myself I'll be able to sprint right back up to the start of the slip 'n slide and it will be like nothing happened, except for a fun little ride in the middle.

I REALLY wanted to buy a pizza when we were in costco Monday night and just chow down on half of it while guzzling diet coke and watching a kid's movie in my sweatpants. Ah the good ol' days.
Am I right?

Those days were not good. I felt like crap incarnate shortly after anytime I did that. I hated my choices, and sometimes myself. It's just not worth it.

It's hard to see from the top of the slip 'n slide that the little inflatable pool at the bottom is filled with self-loathing and doubt.

It's so easy to forget it's there and just kind of put a foot on the slide to feel the cool water.

Just a little refreshing cool-down for my tired feet, and then I'll keep going...
Then, before I knew it, I was basically running in place, like going up the down escalator. I wasn't letting myself go on the screaming ride of joy followed by the deep pit of a pool of despair, but I also wasn't making any progress up and away from it.

So Tuesday I made the conscious choice to step OFF of that yellow rubber, no matter how nice it might feel on my sore and blistery feet, and back onto firmer ground with better traction.
I didn't really do anything much different, but I changed my attitude significantly, and the difference is immeasurable.

I'm always going to feel a little bit like being the person I like being, and becoming the person I want to is one of those "up hill both ways in the snow" type of journeys.

To do what I know I should do is hard.
But to turn around and go back? Just as hard in a different way.
I can push my way through lack of willpower and motivation, or I can push up against self-doubt and a big lack of self-love.

So, after a little pit of pouting around, I've got my big girl panties back on, and I'm continuing to do what I know, now, works for me:
Do what makes me feel good ABOUT MYSELF, not what makes me feel "good" right now.
(Except when they happen to be the same thing, in which case, I do it twice as hard!)

If you want to share this or any of my blogs outside of Sparkpeople, please feel free to do so! I'm honored that you want to!! However, I ask that you do it from my blogger page. I have some fairly personal things here on my sparkpage, and it's a little weird to think of non-sparkers looking at it!!

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
JOANNHUNT 2/2/2013 1:22PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HEALTHIERGIRL67 5/5/2012 3:59PM

    This was great for me to read today! I slid the slipnslide.. landed somewhere far from the top of that hill! It has taken me..hmm 8 months to groan my way back up-and here is your blog! Loved it.. and I needed to read it. Thanks! emoticon

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CTUPTON 4/16/2012 9:58AM

    emoticon emoticon

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KIPPER15 3/29/2012 8:42PM

    Great blog.

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DENNETJ 3/29/2012 11:55AM

    basically off subject but what program do you draw all your pictures with?

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JOYFULSPIRIT920 3/28/2012 4:37PM

    Great blog... just the kick in the slip-n-slide I needed :)

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    I LOVE this line: Do what makes me feel good ABOUT MYSELF, not what makes me feel "good" right now.

So much of what you write rings true for me as well. Thanks for sharing your feelings and art!

- Sunny

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ANEWME42012 3/28/2012 3:21AM

Am a bit disappointed that I read your blog.
Now I have to put my big girl panties back on and stop being Namby Pamby too!
Thanks (really)

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MYRAL85 3/27/2012 10:57AM

    "Do what makes me feel good ABOUT MYSELF, not what makes me feel "good" right now. " -- Words to live by. Thank you for writing this!!!!!!!! emoticon

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    You are the best Lulu!! That slippery slide is EXACTLY what's been plaguing me for the PAST YEAR!!

Can't let it happen.

P.S. I'm relatively new to your blog and I've spent a whole Saturday in complete bliss reading you've done from the beginning. It was a serious moment of sadness for me when I'd read the last one. My fun was over emoticon

Love love love your blog! Please don't ever let it end. You are like a friend in my head. emoticon

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NACHOSMAMA 3/26/2012 12:08PM

    I love the slip and slide metaphor!!! Sure, it seems so innocent and appealing, just one quick slide; come on, it'll be fun!... but when you're done, you're in a nasty muddy pit regretting what you just did.

I'll keep that visual metaphor front and center when I start hearing the siren song of that damn slip and slide. Thanks!

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LRSILVER 3/25/2012 7:45PM

    Thanks for the blog. what I needed today.

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GODDREAMDIVA1 3/25/2012 6:00PM


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FINALLYHEALTHY2 3/25/2012 5:22PM

    This really hit home -
I can push my way through lack of willpower and
motivation, or I can push up against self-doubt and a
big lack of self-love.
I know the choice I am going to make. Thank you for sharing!

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DIZZTARA 3/25/2012 2:49PM

    Fanfreakingtastic!!!!! emoticon emoticon

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GAELA-I-CAN 3/25/2012 11:55AM

    This is the first time I have read your blog but it won't be the last.. You are funny and on the money. Very inspiring. emoticon

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FEISTYOWL 3/25/2012 10:40AM

    Love this lulu!! Ireally like your analogy and that visual of the pool at the bottom of self loathing. Good for you for pulling yourself away from it!

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SUSUSUZZZIE 3/25/2012 10:30AM

    I so love your blog and almost perfect timing - why didn't you write it last week for me? Just kidding!

This is actually one of those blogs I should go back to periodically.


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JLEMUS1 3/25/2012 8:13AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KLONG8 3/24/2012 11:19PM

    You are describing my situation but better - love your writing and sketches! I seem to give myself a pass to be sort of half-a__ed about my efforts. And then I am just stalled. No progress. Eventually that leads to a couple of pounds gained & then I get serious again until I get to a certain point. Thanks for talking about the slide.....

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MARYJEANSL 3/24/2012 10:27PM

  Oh yeah, the old slip and slide...I know it well...

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FUZZYBEEZ 3/24/2012 9:51PM

    Gotta watch those slip n slides.....not only the one you speak of but the real ones brother blew out his knee on one when he tried to show the kids he wasn't to big for it lmao.

Glad you're back on track. We all feel this way at times, the good part is you made the conscious decision to step off the slide and keep climbing that hill.

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LINDABENEDICT 3/24/2012 9:39PM

    yet another great blog !!!! Thanks !

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OPTIMIST1948 3/24/2012 8:42PM

    Your blogs are always good. I particularly enjoyed the picture of the feet on the scale. I think we have all had weeks like that "I didnt do anything, so I didnt loose weight. No surprise there."

Thanks so much.

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SEXYMAMA2FIVE 3/24/2012 8:37PM

  I needed this today.

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JULIA1154 3/24/2012 6:52PM

  The Slip 'N Slide is a great image - I'll keep it firmly in mind! Thanks!

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KM1116 3/24/2012 6:28PM

  Love this!!!

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ALIDOSHA 3/24/2012 4:28PM

    Great! Thanks!

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JULIA1154 3/24/2012 3:17PM

  The Slip 'N Slide is a great image - I'll keep it firmly in mind! Thanks!

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SHIRE33 3/24/2012 11:54AM

    You nailed it. Some days (weeks) I don't make progress, but I really am to the point that there's no way I'm going to slide all the way back. I remember too well how that felt. Whatever this is now, it's not as bad as it was then. And now I have evidence that I can do this.

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BLOOMING52 3/24/2012 11:46AM


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RETURNTOTHIN 3/24/2012 11:06AM

    I am on track today,,,,, but o this message resonated with thoughts that consumed me the past couple of days.... I love creative people/writers! They are always able to express my thoughts exactly when I can't.... thank you for your honesty and creativity! emoticon

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GUDDIGO 3/24/2012 10:58AM

  After having so many thoughts of veering off finally decided to stay on track..that is writing this are motivating all of us who go through those emotions everyday...

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WINEALITTLE 3/24/2012 10:20AM

    It's a rainy day in Pennsylvania, and I wasn't feeling all that sparkie. Until I read your blog. Thanks for bringing the sunshine back! I now feel energized to change into my gym clothes and head off to exercise. Finally. emoticon

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SESHAW0227 3/24/2012 10:12AM

    Always a pleasure to hear your triumphs. I needed this, too.

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HLANIER4 3/24/2012 9:53AM

    I like your blog. It perfectly described how I have been feeling over the last 2 weeks. It cheered me up, because it put a name to my nagging feelings.

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JANEMARIE77 3/24/2012 9:30AM

    love is always harder than not caring!!!!! way to go we can do it
its all about finding our on self worth

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JOYCRN 3/24/2012 7:56AM

    Thanks for expressing what I often feel in a way that is helpful and memorable!

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THEIS58 3/24/2012 5:24AM

    Good blog - inspiring!

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CLAYARTIST 3/23/2012 9:10PM


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MYSTERY-LADY1 3/23/2012 5:53PM


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SHARBEAR100 3/23/2012 1:27PM

    I love your blogs! And I can soooo relate to this one. The only area of my life that I'm doing great in right now is exercise. It's time to get some balance back in my life and do the other things I should be doing.

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BMCKEOW1 3/23/2012 1:05PM

    I love all your pictures they always make me smile. I have had a couple namby pamby days in the last couple weeks. But I'm still working at it and I'm winning. So that's what's important. I just tell myself, I won't want to workout sometimes, but I'm going to anyhow. Going back to the way it was before isn't an option for me. Thanks for the great blog

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  You expressed exactly how I've been feeling lately. You've definitely inspired me to put my big girl panties on. emoticon

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    i love your cute little pics and always love really your blogs

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CICELY360 3/23/2012 10:51AM

  Interesting blog.

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SHOAPIE 3/23/2012 10:38AM


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WICKEDIMP 3/23/2012 10:22AM

    Spot on - thanks, I needed to think about this this week. :-)


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HEARTS116 3/23/2012 9:55AM

    I really enjoyed this! Fantastic job!

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MRS_EVA_K 3/23/2012 9:01AM

    I think we all have our very own version of your slip and slide of detrimental joy. And your right momentary satisfaction rarely makes you feel good in the grand scheme of things. Thanks for sharing and I hope the weekend is bright and shiny for you.


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