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Some Thoughts on Getting Old

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair
that you once got from a roller coaster.

Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies:

They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Every time I think about exercise, I lie down until the thought goes away.

God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things.

Right now, I am so far behind, I will live forever.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers,
but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

Stress reducer: Put a bag on your head.
Mark it "Closed for remodeling."
**Caution - leave air holes.**

Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place,

but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment...

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
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