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The Quest for Control

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Wow. It's really been 4 months since my last blog.

I can honestly say I have been living my life in that time making excuses. Now that I am a single, working mom with no family nearby, I see first hand how precious any time is.

Here is where I let myself down in the last several months:

- I have spent hours at work and running home at lunchtime to clean....instead of going to the gym at lunch.

- I stopped weighing my portions and counting my calories.

- I have allowed "life" to dictate my free time, rather than using my free time to become healthier.

- I lost control. I can't control a lot of things in life...but 2 things I CAN control are the food I eat and the exercise I do.

I have to find my motivation again. I am back and I am committed. But I still don't have that fire in my heart that I did when I first began this journey.

I went from 220 lbs to 165lbs....and now back up to 185 lbs. Ok There. I typed it. I gained 20lbs back. Let me repeat..."I" gained 20lbs back. Although, I didn't know that I was choosing it, "I" did choose to gain the weight back. All of my actions and and my excuses got me here.

Well, now I need to turn it around again before it's too late.

On the inside I am disappointed and sad...but I refuse to make this a "Woe is me" blog.

Dammnit...I want to be an inspiration for someone...my kids, my friends (including my sparkfriends)! oooh and I want to be Hot again. I am going to have to think about dating again. (that's a whole other blog for another time)

I am feeling very old and worn down. What happened to the Rockstar I used to be?!!

Well, friends....I am going to find my motivation and I am going to shine again.

It's all about control. I need to wage a war on my self-doubt.

Here's to the new fork in my road....adding to my journey.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon You can do this! I have noticed that you ARE doing it. I see that you are back and really have never completely gone away like some people seem to do. I know how much you want this and you absolutely deserve it. I know you can make it happen. I do know how hard it can be though...I gained about 16 pounds back for almost the exact same reasons as you and now I am working them off one by one.

    You ARE an inspiration to someone. To me. The fact that life is not easy at all for you right now but yet you are fighting back is VERY inspirational. I am proud of you...you are so strong. I'll be here for you...what ever I can do...just let me know.
    2184 days ago
  • BRATS4
    you can do it again and better if you really want to
    2189 days ago
    Pick yourself up and begin again. You can do it!
    2191 days ago
  • MIRAGE727
    All is not lost! Fight back, take control, and focus on your kids for that Spark! I did that with my wife and granddaughter. I'm no good to anyone if I'm not there.You'll come back. You started just by reflecting and listing. Mow, be the warrior. All the best and stay healthy
    2191 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/21/2012 2:40:11 PM
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