The Quest for Control
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Wow. It's really been 4 months since my last blog.
I can honestly say I have been living my life in that time making excuses. Now that I am a single, working mom with no family nearby, I see first hand how precious any time is.
Here is where I let myself down in the last several months:
- I have spent hours at work and running home at lunchtime to clean....instead of going to the gym at lunch.
- I stopped weighing my portions and counting my calories.
- I have allowed "life" to dictate my free time, rather than using my free time to become healthier.
- I lost control. I can't control a lot of things in life...but 2 things I CAN control are the food I eat and the exercise I do.
I have to find my motivation again. I am back and I am committed. But I still don't have that fire in my heart that I did when I first began this journey.
I went from 220 lbs to 165lbs....and now back up to 185 lbs. Ok There. I typed it. I gained 20lbs back. Let me repeat..."I" gained 20lbs back. Although, I didn't know that I was choosing it, "I" did choose to gain the weight back. All of my actions and and my excuses got me here.
Well, now I need to turn it around again before it's too late.
On the inside I am disappointed and sad...but I refuse to make this a "Woe is me" blog.
Dammnit...I want to be an inspiration for someone...my kids, my friends (including my sparkfriends)! oooh and I want to be Hot again. I am going to have to think about dating again. (that's a whole other blog for another time)
I am feeling very old and worn down. What happened to the Rockstar I used to be?!!
Well, friends....I am going to find my motivation and I am going to shine again.
It's all about control. I need to wage a war on my self-doubt.
Here's to the new fork in my road....adding to my journey.