There is no other word.

Angry.

Just came back from getting my taxes done...seeing people I see every year...for the last 10 years. Yup - they knew me as heavy Annie, pregnant Annie several times, then heavy Annie once again.

One of them happens to be the sister of my best friend from junior high...I haven't talked to the past bf since I left for another high school, but I send my warm regards to her every year anyway. Another is a long time local that I have known for years, another local mom - I like her, she's cool. Another is my tax guy. I am ANGRY at 2 of the three I saw today.

and to give you a hint, I'm not angry at the local mom I like.

The old bf sister made a comment....an observation put into words more like it. "You look so skinny! you are wasting away!"

"Nope," I say, "Same as last year. Same weight, same shirt. Maybe it's the makeup. Healthy as a horse"

"Really? Your face looks thinner" says the woman, quite the stick herself. In fact, her sister was quite the stick as well, and from fb pics I get to see, is still the same, even after 4 kids.

I DEFEND myself again, but chuckle and smile and change the subject to her own family.

On to the next encounter - my accountant.
"Hey lady, you look like you lost weight!" he says.

(I'm already on the defensive now) "Nope, same as last year...maybe it's the loose top and these new skinny jeans and these new flats I'm wearing." (the pants which, btw, are a size 8, just so you Sparkers all know that I am NOT wasting away into nothingness)

"Aww, I don't know about that honey."
whatever that is supposed to mean. Again, I get to business and change the subject.

The mom I like, we've known each other a long time, are friends on fb...she just says I look good...sheeesh, she sees me in pics all the time, she would know if I were "WASTING AWAY."

WHICH brings me to another pet peeve about a comment that I had received a while back. I wrote it in my planner, because I'm not the type to come on here and complain about being 132 pounds at 5 foot 2 inches tall. (Truly the vision of wasting away, don't you think???) but this was more to the fact about the wording and phrasing of another long time aquantaince in my community. Here is the quote that has burned in my brain:

"You are STILL thin! I'm so glad."

STILL. That one word made me grit my teeth, say a very nice "yes, it's hard work, but I'm determined" and say goodbye and walk away SEETHING - even though I am fully aware that it was meant to be nice....oh and I am SO glad you are glad!! Eeesh.

STILL - think about it. "STILL"

"STILL" implies that you probably thought at some point that I would fail and gain my weight back. (Don't worry honey, I will STILL being using Spark and doing what I'm doing a year from now.)

"You are so thin" means that me being thinner has upset your version of me in your head. (You think you have it bad. Trust me....even I have a hard time wrapping my head around it....it depends on the day, sweetie.)

Normally - overweight people want that recognition of being thinner really really bad....especially when you are trying and trying very hard to lose the weight. I get it. I lived it. It's this aftermath that can get a little weird.....years later, on maintenance, when you are STILL trying to wrap your head around JUST STAYING this way....to not obsess, to not over think...to try and live "like a normal person"...that comments such as this tend to tick you off.

And don't tell me that it wouldn't.

It gives all the hard work you have done a more NEGATIVE spin.

It takes all the fitness, the good nutrition, the time, the effort....it just takes all that and minimizes it into something much less proud....not humbling, more (oh I can't even figure out the word!)...more debasing....degrading...whatev
er...

What is it that makes people comment so "negatively" - especially people (not your family) that you rarely see?

I have had comments from people over the last year, sure...all put in a nice way: "I'm so happy that you are maintaining the way you are...it's wonderful." or "Looking good kiddo, working hard I bet." or I will even take "Hey skinny!" I take them graciously, I say thank you, I even blush because that is what I do....and there is no need to be defensive when a comment is said in a certain way. I get it.

but sometimes.....oooo, it really fries my fritter.

Did you know that 9 times out of 10 - it's my HUSBAND who gets the compliments, not me.

Did you know that 85% of time - I see myself as waaay heavier than 132 and that battle is something that I have accepted and that I know for a fact that if one doesn't change ones self image, it can lead to disaster and another eating disorder?

Did you know that IF I WANTED to - I could drop another 10 pounds in the blink of an eye? How?? Because I know how to with nutrition and exercise. Am I going to?????? No way in hell. You read that right. Some people would KILL to be 122...nope...not me.

But WHY NOT? you may ask. Because for me: I don't want to. Again, I'm smart...I know things ("Godfather" Fredo reference right there - LoL). Anatomy and physiology of the body was the best class I ever took. I want to be able to maintain and LIVE a life that does not mean counting every calorie of every single day of my life. If I were 122 - that would be my life. I want to NOT exercise every single day to maintain this weight. I want to be active and NOT be a slave to the treadmill or the gym. Fit but not fried.

This is what I want when I am 40.....45....50...55.....and yes, 60 years old.

Next year....I will be wearing this very same outfit to get my taxes done.