Tuesday, March 20, 2012
So I am nervous today. Today is the day that my mom will get the results of all the scans they have done thus far. I know they did 2 different MRI's last week, 38 x-rays (all in one sitting! I asked her if she glowed in the dark after that), and a full body scan I believe. I am really hoping that they come back and tell her at least one thing...that they didn't find any cancer.
They told her when she went in two weeks ago that it could be one of a few different things: cancer, an autoimmune disease, possibly leukemia....none of them really sound any better than the other, so maybe it is something entirely different. I don't know. I'm not a doctor. I have no idea what could be going on with her.
But I'm scared. I want everything to be alright. I want her to be healthy. I don't want to see her go through something else that difficult. It is hard to watch the person who has always been there to take care of you be the one that needs to be taken care of. Especially when she puts on such a brave face every day that you have no idea what she is really going through until it is too much to bear. And she has to tell you. Because there is possibly something really wrong.
Part of me wants to be angry at someone. Or something. Because how is it fair for one person to keep having to endure this? While so many others who do not take care of themselves never suffer through any of it? It doesn't make sense. She exercises, eats right, is probably more health conscious than just about anyone that I know. And she has more health issues than anyone I know (at least anyone that I am close to).
I guess it doesn't pay to be angry though. All I can do is be there and be supportive. To try and understand what she must be going through. Even today. Sitting in that office waiting to hear if they found anything and what it may be....I cannot imagine. It is gut-wrenching....and it is not me that is going through it.
So I wait to hear from her...I should have gone with her. I should have taken the day off work and been there by her side today. I don't know why I didn't....