Sometimes I remember that girl that I used be. Who would sit and feel ugly, fat, teased, feeling in the way. I remember hearing some insentive teen laughing at me in my bathing suit, or a coworker with a nasty comment. People seem to think if you are fat you are either deaf or immune to the cruelty of others. Not true.
I think the thing that hurt the most were the things I said to myself. Me when I would look at a picture of myself and quickly crop or delete so that I did not have to see. How I cringed when a picture appeared that I did not know about.
I decided to change and move, and even that was hard. People were sometimes mean or dismissive to me when i was working out with A60 lbs to lose in the early part of my journey. I was embarrassed to run in frontof people at first, so picked dangerous deserted trails and low populated areas.
When I first began to branch out on more popular trails, some people were great, some were jerks. I was running, some Barbie doll thought her workout was more important than mine and rudely snagged the parking spot i was waiting for and rolled her eyes at me. It also happened when people lapped me. It happened when I bought sneakers.and it happened when I lined up for races. You know what, I still practice and wait for parking spots, I still get lapped (all be it by faster people), I still get it when I buy sneakers or go o a runners shop (though not as often) and I dont give a hoot who thinks what when I line up for a race.
I am here now, not for some Barbie with a six pack. Kudos to her! seriously, i really admire her. No i am not here for the dude at the running store, though he has come around. I am here for the party!
I am here for the getting healthy party. The I have energy party ! The I reach another milestone party. Thei fell and picked myself up party. I am here for that look in the eye I get from hubby party! The I feel sexier party. The I am a woman and I love my powerful muscles and girlie curves party!
Come on, here is your invite, come join me!
So I still have 18 drive me crazy sometimes pounds to go...I am still here for the party!!!!