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I am here for the party!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Sometimes I remember that girl that I used be. Who would sit and feel ugly, fat, teased, feeling in the way. I remember hearing some insentive teen laughing at me in my bathing suit, or a coworker with a nasty comment. People seem to think if you are fat you are either deaf or immune to the cruelty of others. Not true.

I think the thing that hurt the most were the things I said to myself. Me when I would look at a picture of myself and quickly crop or delete so that I did not have to see. How I cringed when a picture appeared that I did not know about.


I decided to change and move, and even that was hard. People were sometimes mean or dismissive to me when i was working out with A60 lbs to lose in the early part of my journey. I was embarrassed to run in frontof people at first, so picked dangerous deserted trails and low populated areas.

When I first began to branch out on more popular trails, some people were great, some were jerks. I was running, some Barbie doll thought her workout was more important than mine and rudely snagged the parking spot i was waiting for and rolled her eyes at me. It also happened when people lapped me. It happened when I bought sneakers.and it happened when I lined up for races. You know what, I still practice and wait for parking spots, I still get lapped (all be it by faster people), I still get it when I buy sneakers or go o a runners shop (though not as often) and I dont give a hoot who thinks what when I line up for a race.

I am here now, not for some Barbie with a six pack. Kudos to her! seriously, i really admire her. No i am not here for the dude at the running store, though he has come around. I am here for the party!

I am here for the getting healthy party. The I have energy party ! The I reach another milestone party. Thei fell and picked myself up party. I am here for that look in the eye I get from hubby party! The I feel sexier party. The I am a woman and I love my powerful muscles and girlie curves party!

Come on, here is your invite, come join me!

So I still have 18 drive me crazy sometimes pounds to go...I am still here for the party!!!!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'll join you for that party!
    2191 days ago
    emoticon emoticon I love your blog and your attitude!
    2191 days ago
    Great blog!! I'm here for the party as well. No more wasting time worrying about what others think; I'm running (slowly compared to many) and working out and having the time of my life. The wonderful thing is we don't have to wait until we have lost all the weight we think we need to in order to start enjoying the party; WOO HOO, party on!
    2191 days ago
    Love your blog!!! Comparing ourselves to others and putting ourselves down is so counter-productive...I did it all my life and I'm still working on getting over it.

    2191 days ago
    This is a great blog! I love so many things you've said here as I can relate. I'm here at the party too!! I'm desperately wanting to KEEP my goals in front of me, not buried in sadness or feeling bad for myself. It's amazing how many years, literally years - I would compare myself to others of which kept me from even going for a run, joining a yoga class.... It's an ongoing challenge...to look forward PAST perfect Barbie's and smile for me!
    2192 days ago
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