Monday, March 19, 2012
I guess I am just in a bit of a funk at the moment.... Getting a little irritated with the 3:15 mornings, mad at having to eat veggies, dreading my afternoon runs, jealous of the coworker who can eat a piece of cake without it triggering a binge, etc....
I am doing this right now because I am sick and tired of rollercoastering up 10 lbs (around 150'is), then down 10 lbs (to 140'ish), NEVER reaching a healthy goal weight. I have been in this range for almost 2 years now. My ultimate, done with weightloss, goal is to maintain right around 125 lbs (I'm only 5'2" so that is reasonable for me)..... Up 5 or down 5 pounds (maintain between 120 and 130). I know my weight will always be a struggle for me, and I will always have to maintain a healthy lifestyle, but I just yearn for the day when I can say I am in maintenence mode. I hate that for the past 2 yrs I have been close, but just can't quite get there.
I loved how, on Saturday, I was able to go out to eat (first time in several weeks) and order a somewhat healthy meal from a restaurant, but indulge on tortilla chips before and a dessert after. Yesterday and so far today I have been able to get right back on track and get back into weightloss mode. That's what balance is all about! I wanna be able to do this more often and not feel bad about it! I was given a boost of confidence that this did not trigger a binge cycle for me..... I CAN indulge every once in awhile.
I know I am so close.... I am guessing when I weigh in a week from Friday I will be lower 130's. My clothes are fitting SO good! Then the month of April if I hit it really hard I should be able to get awful darn close to my 125 goal. It is so close and I want it so bad.... I want to say I am DONE with weightloss..... and fighting to maintain..... I can do this!!!! I am worth it. My dreams will come true! Pity party is over! I am a champion!!!!! LOL!