I've done it again! I started writing a post on one of my team threads. After I wrote the 3rd paragraph, I realized I had started a blog, not a post. Here it is.
I'm treating today as Day 1 of my recommitment to my goals. I've dithered around for far too long. I've lost and gained. I succeeded and failed. Though that's certainly part of life, I've done too much of the second parts of those statements and not enough of the first. I'm not looking back; I'm only looking ahead. I know I will never reach my goals if I don't dig deep into my soul to find the strength that is there. I may stumble now and then, but I will not lose my way.
I've left several of the SP teams I was on because I wasn't participating -- or I was spending too much time Sparking when I could have been MOVING! Starting next week I'm going to the community center at least twice a week. That's a small commitment, and I will work up to going more days. I need to make promises I can keep, not set goals I can't reach.
I've regained almost all of the weight I lost. Why? I lost faith in myself. I berated myself and medicated myself with food. And what did that accomplish? Nothing! I'm still trying to figure out what works for me. I've let my house get as out of control as my weight. My dining room table has piles of books and "stuff" on it. I now realize I've been trying to heal a sadness by buying and eating instead of figuring out what made me sad.
Finally I've faced that demon and figured out the answer. Most of it stems from losing my job back in 2009 and retiring when I turned 62 the next year. I didn't plan to retire and didn't want to retire, but it was what I had to do to keep a roof over my head and food in my kitty's bowl. But I'm still young, and I have a lot to offer - and I can't afford to live the way I want on the retirement income I have. So I'm looking for a real job again. It's a tough economy, and I may be too experienced for many of the jobs I apply for. (Read that as "employers will think I want more money than they want to pay.") But I'm just going to keep plugging away and apply for jobs in organizations that are interesting to me. I know about networking, but it's harder to build networks when one isn't working and has no family. Like I said, I'll just keep plugging away with the resources I have.
Within the elements of my life that I CAN control, I am going to take charge. My health comes first. Exercise has to become as important as food, though I doubt I will ever love the first as much as the second. Health includes mental health, so I am going to spend more time on my writing. Back to basics I go. I'm going to work through "The Artist's Way" one day at a time. I've started this before and gotten side tracked. Not this time.
The rest of this week I'm cleaning house. I mean really cleaning! That includes taking books off bookshelves and packing a lot of them in bags to sell. Parting with books is just about the hardest thing in the world for me, but I have too many and no room for more bookshelves. I have access to 2 major library systems, and I don't need to own every book I love or want to read. Well -- maybe I need to own too many cookbooks that I love! -:) I probably won't get all of this huge task finished by the end of the week, but I will have my dining room table back. I've already made an appointment for next week to take 12 bags of books to the bookstore, so I have to keep that promise.
I'm learning to enjoy the freedom I have when not working a job while I have it. I am going to continue expanding my knowledge of a plant-based diet, my personal passion, and figure out some way to share that with others in a meaningful way. This is where having no money is an obstacle, but I'll figure something out. I don't think I want go deeper in debt to get another degree that would lead to new career at this point in time, but I am saving money to enroll in eCornell's Certificate in Plant Based Nutrition program.
After that, who knows what I'll do; but a few things are certain. I'll be thoughtful about the gift of health I already have and respect it. I will take care of my body by nourishing it with good food, strengthening it with solid exercise, and expanding my mind with thoughtful inquiry and writing. I will laugh with friends and stop being so much of a hermit. Maybe that's enough. That sounds like a pretty good life. Life is a journey, and I am enjoying the twists and turns of the paths.