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    MICHELLESMILES_   15,739
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i cried at the gym

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Saturday, March 17, 2012

That is the crazy thing about this journey, it has so many ups and downs. I have had many high moments in the last 15 months, when the low ones hit me they hit me hard.



I didn't go to the gym all week. I did walk at my house a couple of days, so I wouldn't say I had totally threw in the towel. On Tuesday, my husband said he didn't want me walking outside while he wasn't home. ( we live out in the country).


So Wednesday we were busy with Maddie's Birthday and I didn't do much. I did ride a bike for the first time in 17 years!! I WAS a little nervous!


Thursday I was exhausted and worked 10-6, so I didn't do anything but eat leftover cake.
(Smacks forehead)

Yesterday I decided I HAD to go, I was going to make myself. First thing I hopped on the stairmaster, my favorite. I thought I'll go slow and take it easy. 7 minutes was all I could hack. I don't even wear my HR monitor anymore because it just depresses me more. Spark says I burned 68 calories. I just don't think so, but I recorded it anyway. I walked around for a second and tried to compose myself. My mom said "don't overdo it". I was trying not to but it is so hard.

Then I went to the treadmill and decided to walk. Walking can be good for your mind, but can also be bad. This is when I got teary eyed. I can't believe I can't exercise anymore. I was so proud of all that I use to do, now I feel like a failure.

2 miles later, I picked myself up and went to the elliptical. I pushed out 13 minutes.

I was proud of my 60 minutes I did yesterday. 15 months ago, after a month of not feeling good, I would've already given up.



I went home feeling 100% better, and feeling like a success.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLIMBERS_ROCK 7/13/2013 3:26PM

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JOANNHUNT 1/22/2013 11:34AM

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POETICJUSTUS 6/21/2012 7:47PM

    Right on right on, ur the Bomb! emoticon

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KLONG8 4/16/2012 5:28PM

    emoticon You did it! Congratulations for not giving up, for getting back into your exercise, and for blogging about your struggle - helping the rest of us out here.

Thanks!

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BRADIA 4/8/2012 11:18AM

    Good job. keep your sunny side up.
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TAMPATINK67 4/6/2012 12:24AM

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K_RENEE 3/25/2012 11:04PM

    You have nothing to cry about. You could have easily chucked it all out the window but you went to the gym, you worked out, and finished. You're stronger than you think you are.

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RABBLERRABBIT 3/25/2012 9:35PM

    Oh my - I cry at the gym all the time! I think it's something being released - whether it's failure or relief, frustration... I don't know, but please don't give up! Two months ago I couldn't do what you're doing. The fact that you said you ended feeling like a success is EVERYTHING! Good luck to you! And thanks for the quotes, they are awesome.

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JULESJ1OK 3/24/2012 5:16PM

    Awesome post! After having the "empty nest" syndrome I turned my spare room into a gym... the best thing I have done in a long while. Hang in there.

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JACKSBRAT1 3/23/2012 12:11PM

    emoticon I keep saying i am going to join a gym BUT..... its easier said then done, so i say "GOOD FOR YOU FOR GETTING IT DONE"!!! emoticon I think that after reading your blog i will check out some gyms near my home !! Then pick the one i like best and JOIN!! Time to start doing and stop talking about it! emoticon emoticon

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AKRONDANCER 3/23/2012 9:40AM

  I've danced my whole life, and starting college I gained a good 8 or 9 pounds...it made me extrememly depressed, and sometimes the gym makes me want to cry too! I tell myself that I'll feel better, even a 25-30 min workout can be beneficial. Keep up the awesomeness! :)

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FRIENDOFBACH 3/22/2012 10:58PM

  Way to go!
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VONNIE140 3/22/2012 10:26PM

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GLEEANDYOU 3/22/2012 8:50PM

  Keep the good work! Because yours blog help me get back to walking! Thank a lot emoticon

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CRAZYGYMGIRL 3/22/2012 8:39PM

    I'm trying to get back to the gym habit. A year ago Iwas a gym junkie... today I'm embarassed to go back because I'm so out of shape, have gained 20 lbs. I've tried to get back a couple of times but hasn't stuck yet. Good for you for doing it.

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HINCTYBEAT 3/22/2012 6:45PM

    It's great when the emotion has a place to come out rather than in just general stress or eating, right? Great job going for it anyway. I'm sure a little cry did you good. It has me!

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DORY914 3/22/2012 5:05PM

    Hang in there and never give up! emoticon

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JIBBIE49 3/22/2012 4:35PM

    emoticon Great to see you featured in the Spark Mail with THE BLOG. What an honor. emoticon

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TONYVAND1 3/22/2012 4:11PM

  Way to go good blog

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MYSTERY-LADY1 3/22/2012 3:37PM

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MISSELLIE123 3/22/2012 1:21PM

    I just got "back" into exercising 3 weeks ago. and BOY did I jump in with both feet! 5:30am M-W-F Fitness Bootcamp. (yes, you read that right - A.M. as in Morning, as in before the sun rises)

The first day of workout, I threw up half way through. But I kept going and finished the workout. The NEXT hardest thing was making myself go BACK the 2nd time. I did, and from there, it all got better! So consider yourself "over the hump" and just keep doing it.

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KRISTALD76 3/22/2012 1:07PM

    Congrats on making it there! I suck at getting to the gym, actually I suck at getting out of my house. smh But when I do get there, and even when I did go regularly before an injury, I loved the elliptical but never got over 5 minutes worth. I would see others spend MUCH more time on it and I could barely do the 5. Actually I often struggled getting in 2. rambling.... Yay for you!!!

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SIRCATNIP1 3/22/2012 12:36PM

    Way to hang in there!

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ANGTRIAGAIN 3/22/2012 11:59AM

    Good for you!


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PYNETREE 3/22/2012 11:49AM

    Stay Strong! Look at how far you have come. You know youcan do it! Just don't give up...do 1 minute longer the nest time. You'll soon be back up to your former strength. Push on! emoticon

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WALKSINLIGHT 3/22/2012 10:46AM

    Great job sticking with it - you are an inspiration !

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VOLLEYGIRL77 3/22/2012 10:07AM

    Way to keep going even though you wanted to quit! That is a great step!

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JNPRGR8T 3/22/2012 9:49AM

  way to hang in there!

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BERI03 3/22/2012 9:38AM

    Good for you!

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STEADFASTNSEE 3/22/2012 9:01AM

  You didn't give up. You did each thing for 10 mins (average) and you felt great afterwards. Keep up this new habit (especially the feeling great!) HUGS!

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MEKARE1781 3/22/2012 8:29AM

  I just started on spark 4 days ago. Reading your story, I've found that I can relate alot. I work those crazy hours that are mostly 10-7 or 12-9. In recent yrs, I would eat dinner around 10 becausr my meal break was always around 3. I almost never went to the gym because I never felt like I could get a decent work out in around my hours. If I was off on a weekend day, I would just want to stay home to spend time with my daughter.My procrastination has got to stop. Anybody can get back on that horse. Even if it isn't what you used to do, at least it's something. Congrats on actually getting back in there, and soon you'll be at your old pace again.

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NIJONETWON 3/22/2012 8:05AM

    Wow. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Feeling the failure is one of my biggest challenges. I often need to just get back on the road to success and I'm too busy convincing myself that I'm a failure for not having done it. It is really good to know that there are other people out there who are challenged the same way I am, and what they did to overcome it; more importantly, that they overcame it. After a month of either not exercising or simply not feeling well, in the past, I have thrown in the towel. Now I have someone else to look to when I'm feeling like a failure. This is an inspiration to me and I'm sure to a lot of other people, too.

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HEARTS116 3/22/2012 7:39AM

    Keep up the great work!
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CHANSEN_20001 3/22/2012 6:59AM

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NCSUE0514 3/22/2012 6:27AM

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BAMBI31311 3/21/2012 7:15PM

  Well done.

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TLCFME 3/21/2012 6:48PM

   
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Visit my spark page anytime for some blog sillies. emoticon

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MSPOOH404 3/21/2012 2:31PM

    You ARE a success! The fact that you didn't give up makes you an amazing success! Soon enough, you will be giving that stairmaster what-for and you'll be wreaking havoc on that treadmill. But until then, take it slow, keep it up, and do what you can.

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AJDOESIT 3/21/2012 2:29PM

    Great job for pushing through! I'm so glad you felt better by the end!

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NYARAMULA 3/21/2012 4:35AM

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JENGIRL912 3/21/2012 12:59AM

    Kudos to you!! Keep going, one day and one literal step at a time! You're doing it!

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AJOHNSON27261 3/21/2012 12:04AM

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It's the downs that make us go up! Stick with it and you will succeed!

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POETICJUSTUS 3/20/2012 11:07PM

    How awesome thank you for the share. My weightloss journey hasn't begun but I like staying on the SP site.

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JANDR0426 3/20/2012 10:57PM

    I think its natural to have those feelings at times. I usually focus on the banners in the gym Focus/ Know Your Strength/ Compete, and that helps me to keep toward my goals. I often visualize myself making a turn in a half marathon and taking in what that will feel like. You are doing a fabulous!Tears are OK.

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KIPPER15 3/20/2012 8:50PM

    Great job getting back up. emoticon

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NANAISM 3/20/2012 8:25PM

    I am glad you picked yourself up in the end. It takes a strong person to persevere. However, what I hope the most is that you've taken away the difference failing and fighting. You're not a failure. You didn't throw in the towel. You're a fighter. Some days you may feel like Muhammad Ali and other days you may feel like your trudging through mud, but getting yourself to the gym if half the battle.

I wish you the best of luck on your goals and may many more 60 minute gym sessions come!

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PRAYINGSUZIE 3/20/2012 7:58PM

    I am glad that you picked yourself up and kept going!!! Great job!

Suzie

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HEATHYHANNA 3/20/2012 5:49PM

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You are amazing! You have inspired me.

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KLONG8 3/20/2012 5:39PM

    This takes my breath away because of the importance of your efforts. You don't need to be around here for long to realize how easy it is to fall off the exercise wagon, how quickly you lose your fitness level, and how hard it is to come back home to exercise. You're on your way.

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NOCTURNAL3 3/20/2012 4:58PM

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