Friday, March 16, 2012
Most of this crap on my frame got on because my mind was occupied with a lot of everything else. It was college, and my mom is still a horrible cook, meaning I knew diddly squat about cooking. Second, I was in a nasty-difficult course of study (Computer Science) and mom made no secret about how she HATED my choice of college, that she didn't want to pay for it, that I should have just gone to trade school, so I was going to take the classes that would get me a **job.** (Meaning I didn't tell her about electives, and didn't have much of a social life).
Oh, then my twin sister got into a nasty row with mom over college and everything else, walked out, and Mom threatened to cut her off. Aunt (mom's sister) intervened and took over support for twin. Mom hit roof and has refused to speak to her sister since (this was 1996...do the math). I kept my beak shut because I didn't want to make the situation worse and already had a mess on my hands.
Then, I wanted to get some independence, so I started working. It turned into full time work (fast food grave shift)/full time school. My mom's reaction to saying I was overwhelmed and in pain was to crow how "proud" she was of me for earning a paycheck. And since we're talking minimum wage, I was pretty much living on the company discount. Not the healthiest fare, but it was what I could afford.
I went from 130 to 190.
Then, I started working 2 jobs, 16 hours a day, 6 days a week to pay off my student loans. Followed by a dead-end job at a call center with high volume, high stress, hours that changed with the boss's whims, and not a lot of support. Ther good news was that I started to get my depression treated.
Came out of that at about 225 or 230.
Now, I have stable hours, a relatively stable gig, I'm still getting treatment for depression. I don't talk much with my relations, who live 60 miles away and continue to feud. I'm just trying to burn off the visual reminders of bad times.
Frankly, thinking about the situation still pisses me off, especially since holidays are still a three-house affair. C'mon, they're all adults. This crap's gone on long enough, and it's doing no one's health any favors. It's also why I'm obsessive about saving money and taking care of myself - being beholden to someone, living under someone else's roof and rules, having someone else use the pursestrings like a noose. I will fight to keep that from EVER being in that position again.