What in the World am I Doing?
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Lately I've been hit and miss on SP to say the least. Sure, this is a busy time of the year for me, but not every day all day. I spent three days last week in the tractor before the welcome rains came. (We need MORE rain to fill our irrigation ponds!) Then the last two days were spent cleaning my kitchen and "public" areas of my house. I even cleaned the tops of my upper cabinets! Now to tackle the inside of them. All in time.....
But I get off track. In so many ways. I have been really struggling with food choices lately. I get up in the morning with great resolve, and sometimes even make it through lunch. Somewhere in the late afternoon before dinner, it seems like a switch turns on and I throw all that resolve out the window. I am perfectly aware of what I am doing, but I feel powerless to stop myself. I wouldn't call it binge eating, but it is not what I did the first 18 months of my journey on SP! It is not going to get me to my goal weight. I can't even blame it on TOM because that doesn't happen every danged day! I know somewhere inside of me is that Michelle who loved the way I looked and felt because of the healthy choices I made. Let's be honest, I'm gonna need to dig into the fat pile of clothes if I don't get back on the wagon. This is a lifestyle change, and I know that I have to maintain that change for this to work.
Exercise. I have a lousy 1,065 fitness minutes for the entire year. (Zero for the month of March! Eeeek!) Yep, I used to get that many in two weeks! Was I overdoing it? Maybe. I know that two hours of exercise a day, five days a week, is not sustainable for a lifetime. At least not for me. I just don't have that much time. Who does? Not many people if you have a spouse and family to care for. Or you have a job. Sure, my exercise equipment in now crammed in a room with my computer and all my craft stuff that I never use anymore. (Wish some of you crafty people lived close, I would GIVE the stuff to you!) I am working on that room, too. It is a slow process getting things organized. (We recently remodeled the basement and my husband took the workout room for an office, and we made his old office into a spare bedroom, moving my TM and EM into the craft room.) But, it IS possible to work out. It isn't pretty, but it can be done safely.
A while ago, I got a spark mail asking for volunteers to be team leaders. Well, guess what! I said, "sure!" Well, starting tomorrow and for the next week, anyone who signs up for SP will be put in a team with me as a co-leader. Am I a good role model? After all, I have lost over 50 pounds, but have I maintained that lifestyle? Not really. I have got to change my tune.
All the motivators for losing weight are still right here. That pool is not going away, and the opening date is looming closer. I have moderate osteaoarthritis, and my knees can't handle the extra weight. If I want to postpone knee replacements, I have to get to a healthy weight. I want to be healthy for my kids, and I have not been a good role model for them lately. My oldest DD does say that kids at school call her a health food freak. All because she chooses greek yogurt instead of sour cream, and Cliff bars instead of a candy bar before sporting events. But really, she is already slim, and while the lessons she has learned will help her when she starts college in a little over a year, I do have another DD who struggles with her weight. She is not obese, but has a little muffin top. She has certainly slimmed down. Last fall she ran cross-country, and it helped her tremendously. She is running track this spring, and already sees changes in her body. I don't want her to wake up one day and realize that she is 70 pounds overweight. That is a huge mountain to climb.
So, it isn't just about me. It is about all those people signing up for SP starting tomorrow. It is about my family. It is about my Spark friends who cheered me on, and I have basically just deserted. Yes, it IS about me, too. But these past few weeks, "me" hasn't been enough. So far, today has been a good day. Let's see how it ends. I have worked too hard to just let the scale inch it's way up.