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What in the World am I Doing?

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Lately I've been hit and miss on SP to say the least. Sure, this is a busy time of the year for me, but not every day all day. I spent three days last week in the tractor before the welcome rains came. (We need MORE rain to fill our irrigation ponds!) Then the last two days were spent cleaning my kitchen and "public" areas of my house. I even cleaned the tops of my upper cabinets! Now to tackle the inside of them. All in time.....

But I get off track. In so many ways. I have been really struggling with food choices lately. I get up in the morning with great resolve, and sometimes even make it through lunch. Somewhere in the late afternoon before dinner, it seems like a switch turns on and I throw all that resolve out the window. I am perfectly aware of what I am doing, but I feel powerless to stop myself. I wouldn't call it binge eating, but it is not what I did the first 18 months of my journey on SP! It is not going to get me to my goal weight. I can't even blame it on TOM because that doesn't happen every danged day! I know somewhere inside of me is that Michelle who loved the way I looked and felt because of the healthy choices I made. Let's be honest, I'm gonna need to dig into the fat pile of clothes if I don't get back on the wagon. This is a lifestyle change, and I know that I have to maintain that change for this to work.

Exercise. I have a lousy 1,065 fitness minutes for the entire year. (Zero for the month of March! Eeeek!) Yep, I used to get that many in two weeks! Was I overdoing it? Maybe. I know that two hours of exercise a day, five days a week, is not sustainable for a lifetime. At least not for me. I just don't have that much time. Who does? Not many people if you have a spouse and family to care for. Or you have a job. Sure, my exercise equipment in now crammed in a room with my computer and all my craft stuff that I never use anymore. (Wish some of you crafty people lived close, I would GIVE the stuff to you!) I am working on that room, too. It is a slow process getting things organized. (We recently remodeled the basement and my husband took the workout room for an office, and we made his old office into a spare bedroom, moving my TM and EM into the craft room.) But, it IS possible to work out. It isn't pretty, but it can be done safely.

A while ago, I got a spark mail asking for volunteers to be team leaders. Well, guess what! I said, "sure!" Well, starting tomorrow and for the next week, anyone who signs up for SP will be put in a team with me as a co-leader. Am I a good role model? After all, I have lost over 50 pounds, but have I maintained that lifestyle? Not really. I have got to change my tune.

All the motivators for losing weight are still right here. That pool is not going away, and the opening date is looming closer. I have moderate osteaoarthritis, and my knees can't handle the extra weight. If I want to postpone knee replacements, I have to get to a healthy weight. I want to be healthy for my kids, and I have not been a good role model for them lately. My oldest DD does say that kids at school call her a health food freak. All because she chooses greek yogurt instead of sour cream, and Cliff bars instead of a candy bar before sporting events. But really, she is already slim, and while the lessons she has learned will help her when she starts college in a little over a year, I do have another DD who struggles with her weight. She is not obese, but has a little muffin top. She has certainly slimmed down. Last fall she ran cross-country, and it helped her tremendously. She is running track this spring, and already sees changes in her body. I don't want her to wake up one day and realize that she is 70 pounds overweight. That is a huge mountain to climb.

So, it isn't just about me. It is about all those people signing up for SP starting tomorrow. It is about my family. It is about my Spark friends who cheered me on, and I have basically just deserted. Yes, it IS about me, too. But these past few weeks, "me" hasn't been enough. So far, today has been a good day. Let's see how it ends. I have worked too hard to just let the scale inch it's way up.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hi Michelle! When reading your post, I was thinking to myself, "why is really going on that is prohibiting her to see how capable she is?" So what is it? Is there something happening in your life that is hurting you emotionally? Are you feeling afraid of the magnitude of being a leader for new Sparkers? Did you stop believing in yourself? Even if you've made some poor choices, making poor choices doesn't mean you can't change what you can in this moment. You can. As a new Sparker, I am learning that I can return to my goal, and push forward no matter how bad of a day I am having. I have learned I have to do this for me. How do you need help? Reach out to those around you here at Spark People and let us help you be motivated. You are more than capable to achieve everything and anything you set your mind to.
    2189 days ago
    Your eating sounds like mine. I do really well until the late afternoon and it seems like I am a garbage disposal for every bit of food that is in the house!! I have kinda slacked and maybe it is because of the 1 month down time of the challenge. But I am striving to get back on track with my eating and working out! Come on join me with getting back in the "game" so to speak!! 10 mnutes..we can do that right??!!
    2199 days ago
    What you're doing for your kids is so important...and I'll bet it won't take much to get your groove back either! Everything ebbs and flows in life, but if you make exercise a habit then it doesn't matter so much if you "feel like it" or not. Lisa is right... just aim for 30 minutes day.

    2199 days ago
    You can do it, Michelle! You've been a motivator for me- and I think we all hit those 'lulls' in our journey where we have to reassess and refocus. I have similar problems with food around the same time of day. It's so frustrating, I know! Hang in there and best of luck w/ being a team leader. I know you'll be a big help to the new SP members, and it will probably be a boost for attaining your goals as well!
    2199 days ago
    I read this at early on on a SP page:

    Eat Healty
    Be Active
    Repeat Consistently

    For so many of us, it is the last line that is the challenge. I was having the same difficulty recently. I had to set two week goal - no sugar or white flour products, exercise three times a week (min 30 minutes) and no dunkin donuts coffee (too tempting). I was able to successfully do the two key one for Feb. Still drinking coffe but have not given into the sweets.

    I agree with the others, set a fast track type of goal and track it. Now that I have three days a week established again, I am going to try for 5 days a week. Small steps in right direction makes you feel better. emoticon
    2199 days ago
    Do you have a goal in mind? Like something to concentrate on for the rest of March? Maybe 250 fitness minutes? Something like that.
    You can do it! Come on, Michelle!
    2199 days ago
    Zero? Eeeek! I think you have come full circle from overdoing last fall. You liked the results but the effort required wasn't realistic. Moderation! You can do it. One hour -that's the max. Aim for 30 minutes of intense effort and if you have another spare 30 minutes, great. You can make better food choices. It takes planning, but you know how to do that and you know one good choice leads to another.

    Leading a newbie team is a great idea. You can soak up their enthusiasm! You are a good role model for success and so supportive of others. They are lucky to have you on their team!
    PS: Go put on your swimsuit. You're going to be hot, hot, hot by the time the pool warms up!!
    2199 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/12/2012 11:12:33 AM
    Oh I so enjoyed reading this. Life has been such a downer here lately. Weight gained back, job difficulties, losing favorite pets... etc Small stuff but keeps me heading for the comfort food. It is hard when we fall of the wagon. Kudos to you for catching yourself before things got totally out of control. Any team you are co leader of will benefit greatly! Hugs
    2200 days ago
    I hope you're still hanging in there, Michelle! Get through ONE DAY! TODAY!!! You can do it for ONE DAY! I have faith in you - you know how to do this! You have been such a wonderful role model for me. I'd love to see you back here going strong. Maybe you did over-do it before. Don't think you have to come back with that gusto or not at all - it's not an either/or situation. Dip your toe - then do a little bit more - come back gradually.

    You're right - that pool will be open before you know it and what you teach your kids through your actions is so important! You got it, you got it, you got it!!

    Can't wait to hear from you tomorrow - I want to know you made it through the day emoticon
    2201 days ago
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