Saturday, March 10, 2012
I felt proud of myself yesterday. My boss and coworkers ordered pizza for lunch. I said "no, thank you. I have a salad." When my boss asked if I was sure, I told him I was, plus tomorrow (today) was weigh-in. He is a very sweet, albeit curious old man, and I don't mind talking about my weight, so when he asked how much I weighed now and how much I wanted to lose, I told him. One of my coworkers laughed and said "You'll be sorry you told him that" (he likes to joke around and mess with people sometimes, but not in a mean way) to which I replied "Nothing anyone could say could top what I've already heard from people. And that triggered a memory.
A few months before I came back to Sparkpeople in 2008, I had quit my previous job. It was a job I hated. I worked in food service. It was not a professional work environment by any stretch of the imagination and more resembled a middle school when it came to people's actions and behavior. It didn't bother me too much at first because that's just how it was, and I was happy to have "friends" and it was alot of fun sometimes. But then problems with one of my coworkers started, but that's another story.
Back on topic, one thing that really REALLY bothered me was that one of the directors I worked for would always call me names. At first it was "Rotunda" then when he really wanted to be mean he'd call me "Fat & Ugly". It was humiliating especially since he always did it in front of everyone else in the office or kitchen. But I would just ignore him and console myself by grabbing something off the line to eat, then I'd start feeling bad about myself.
I knew I was overweight. Hell, everyone in that department was. And I knew I wasn't pretty. But it still hurt. My whole life had revolved around hiding in a corner and being ignored. But he kept bringing it to light. Complaining to higher-ups would do no good. He was a great director who worked for cheap, and that was the most important thing in the world to them. The philosophy in that place was - if you don't like it here, leave.
So I left. That wasn't the reason I started using SP or losing weight. In fact, I suppressed the memory for years until yesterday.
I think that if any of them ever saw me now, they'd never recognize me. :)