Friday, March 09, 2012
A few days ago, Bradley and I booked our summer vacation. We are going to New Orleans! I am so very excited. I have been once before, over ten years ago, and I fell in love with the city. I am absolutely thrilled to be going back.
Not gonna lie, I had a really bad week last week. Sure I had hormones but I can't blame it all on that. I just... wanted to give up. To stop measuring everything so closely. Somehow I've got to learn to deal with the blues I get at least once a month. For now though, I am feeling better. And although I'm a bit bummed that I took some steps backward, at least I didn't lay down and die.
I do pretty well having a deadline; having my wedding looming over me was something that kept me pushing on when I wanted to quit before. So since we have booked our trip now, I have another deadline. I know at some point you just have to learn to live your life, but I have to be gentle with myself and do what works for now. I have to work with the personality I have, not the one I wish I had; same goes for the body I have, right now.
So we have 10 weeks until our trip. One big reason why I went so astray this week was because I failed to plan.. and you know what they say about that. I had been keeping up with buying groceries pretty well but this week, I just... didn't. And that meant restaurants twice a day, and we've already been down that road.. plus craving sweets and not telling myself no. Which is easier to do when I don't have acceptable snacks/"treats" in the house. A sugar free chocolate pudding... good way to satisfy a craving. A huge brownie and full fat ice cream? Not such a good way.
Realizing how critical planning is (for probably the hundredth time), I planned out breakfasts and lunches for myself for the next 10 weeks. Well, I am still missing the last week but I will figure it out this weekend. My plan is to eat the same thing for breakfast every day for the workweek, and then take the same lunch 3 days of the week. Every week I will change what it is I am eating for my breakfasts and the 3 lunches. The other two days for lunch I can go out, but only from a list I created of healthy things to order from places around my work. It's got a lot of variety on it so I shouldn't get too bored. I'm going to give myself one cheat day a week but instead of eating HOWEVER much I want, I'm just going to eat WHAT I want - meaning, not too worried about nutrition, as long as it doesn't exceed my calories for the day.
For workouts, I am going to do: one day of running, one day of Jillian Michael's No More Trouble Zones video, one rest day. Repeat. On rest days or when I feel like it, I will add in yoga. I have been feeling like I am actually switching my workouts up TOO often.. I'd like to see how effective something is if I stick with it in the long run.
I'll make changes to this plan if I have to to ensure that I don't get off track for some stupid reason like boredom. I'd rather change it than fall off the wagon. But I think it is a pretty solid plan because all my lunch and breakfast ideas have protein in them and I will be eating something different every week, plus it allows for going out occasionally.
Something good is that I am still sticking to my Lent commitment. I haven't even had any cravings yet! (That will be the real test, lol). I'm really proud of myself for that, this is the longest I have been without pizza in a couple years. The funny thing is that once I told myself I am not going to eat it, I haven't really had that much trouble. I realized about myself that I do pretty good with rules, but not so good when I have more freedom. I know that sounds backwards but if I tell myself "OK you only have this one (or two) rule," I can follow it better than if I just tell myself to make "a healthy choice" or "eat in moderation." I know moderation is the ultimate goal but it seems that for now I need much more structure than that.
I guess any new lifestyle is like being a kid again... at first you need someone to hold your hand, to set borders for you. Then when you get more mature in it you can govern yourself. Right now, I am definitely in the infancy stage. I have a lot of knowledge but I am just now starting to grow the tools I need... and it's going to take a while. I'll get there though... recently I came across the quote "If you're tired of starting over, then quit giving up." That really really stuck with me. This time, even when I fall down, I'm going to get up again.