Friday, March 09, 2012
I've been avoiding the food tracker with good reason. I figured I'd start with establishing an exercise routine, then maybe I'd add some healthy food options in there....you know, go at my own sweet pace. Yeah, I'm not thinking that is going to work out. Apparently, I have a serious issue. I mean I knew I overate, but this is just ridiculous.
I woke up starving this morning, so I decided to send my friend to McDonald's for breakfast *note here: I hate McDonald's food* and he brought me back 2 burritos and a chicken biscuit. Which I ate so quickly that I can't even remember the taste of it. Oh and a large diet Coke because it's diet, so that makes it all better, right?
Then just because I was curious (which I now regret because I have to rethink my lifestyle choices) I put it into the meal tracker. Can you believe that I ate 1,010 calories in one meal? Seriously? Who does that? Oh I know who, someone that is struggling to lose 104 lbs or so because they have absolutely NO will power.
It may seem that I am beating myself up, and that I should just shake it off and try to do better, but I am not. I'm just having a moment, where I have learned that I have a serious problem and I need to fix it. The sad thing is.....I am still hungry. Yep, there it is. That's my shame, right there. If someone was to hand me another burrito right now, I'd inhale it just as fast as I did the other two.
I can sit here and say that I don't know what's wrong with me, but I do. I don't hold myself accountable for my actions. I make excuses and find reasons to keep doing the same things over and over again. Can you believe that I actually tried to edit my calories? I was going to add more so that I could feel ok about binging this morning. That was a massive red flag right there. I WAS GOING TO LIE TO MYSELF. I could even tell myself that I just screwed up, it's ok, just don't do it again. A screw up only happens once in a while though. I eat like this ALL the time. No wonder my cholestrol and blood pressure is high, and I am obsese.
So here it is.......I've admitted that I have a problem. I'm sure it's the first step in my personal growth and all that (ha! and I've studied Psychology for 4 years). Now to fix it........I feel that this is going to be a very long process.