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Squats, Toilets & Big Bang

Thursday, March 08, 2012

OK put that all together and it sounds like a recipe for disaster that would send anyone running away in absolute horror.

Nah, I'm just talking about a thing I just saw online on the Doc Oz website (courtesy of a Pin).
/get-healthy-lazy-way-pt-3 (forward past the chocolate segment)

Dr. Oz mentions going to someone else's toilet because you'll want to squat since it's not your own. Well, that reminds me of the time I did just that in the men's bathroom in a Subway on a trip. Not once did a cell of skin touched that porcelain and I was ever so grateful that I had been taking Tai Chi at the time. You ever see Austin Powers and his peeing scene? I swear that was me! I peed forever and by golly I held it together.

My poor thighs were burning by the time I got out. I can't imagine where I'd have been if I hadn't had strong muscles. Gah, but look now! I'm flabby and loose again (get your mind out of the gutter!) I gotta practise squats again to get back to that stage. *sigh*

Where does Big Bang fit into this? Nowhere. It's more a side note really. Although, I'm sure Sheldon could make any disparaging factoid or remark on the said experience above. hahahaha OK My side note is that I'm at least getting belly exercise because I am laughing my guts off watching BBT. I just started season 3. Long ways yet to catch up to the current date which is Start Date uhhhhh.......

Ari out.

(PS note to self - make sure to read aloud BEFORE hitting post to correct any grammar mistakes)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    hahahahah and hoo haa to both of your stories... reminded me so much of our trip to Jordan and Egypt. I'd also been forwarded about Bring Your Own Toilet Paper (we were gone a MONTH - my husband had a sabbatical!), and also to Bring those little packages of fanny wipes that you swipe from the doctor's offices before giving them your urine sample. Might as well because believe me we gave plenty of urine samples all over Jordan and Egypt!! The Jordaninan airport in Ammon - Queen Aliya (sp?) Int'nl Airport- the first 4 or 5 stalls were basically the holes similar to your Russian experience, Diane, but it was a cement floor and the holes were not so big as one couldn't easily stand across and squat a bit... but my mom and I freaked and went on past and finally at the very last stall or two at the opposite end from the door was the stalls with American style toilets, but with the bidet (oh boy, Bidet was another learning curve!! I'd at least had heard of them but never used one prior to this trip.).

    Anyway it's so late and I'm not going to remember every single story of the more exciting facilities in both countries - seemed like Egypt was more "uncivilized" that way than Jordan was (plus they'd have the nerve to staff their rooms with beggars who basically would charge you for each sheet of toilet paper or for soap to wash hands with, bunch of con artists!! So I was glad I already had a suitcase full of the wet wipes/fanny wipes and could reload my purse every day.

    Plus, we were traveling with our son who was potty trained but barely, and he was not quite 3 years old. He'd been potty trained with cotton diapers at 18 months but I knew with jetlag and cultural stresses not to get all bothered with him having accidents (because it was all WE could do to keep from having accidents ourselves, depending on the water situation and whatever cooties were in the water!!), so I packed Huggies pull-ups for him to sleep in. But we got to this one site in Egypt and evidently he'd gotten the trots from something he drank or ate, or maybe even from something I ate, since he was still "comfort nursing" at times, but any case, he had his first and really his only major case of the trots there while we were out tripping around old Rameses the III or IV or VI or whatever edition he was, out in Memphis? (the one where he's just laying on the ground, no pyramids nearby, and they just sort of built the "museum" over him)... and of course there was no "WC" in the building - we had to hustle outdoors to this *shack* basically, crudely labeled WC (water closet - the old British Commonwealth name for toilets and it looked like it had not been updated since the Brits left Egypt back in the 50's or 60's whenever!). Anyway, I liked to NEVER got him cleaned up - sent hubby back to the tour bus to get the extra clothes out of the diaper bag but even that was a loss as he kept going and going and going, and the only soap the gal had was something that looked like antifreeze inside of a plastic Pepsi 2 liter bottle...and there were FLIES everywhere - I was smacking them dead every chance I could get, they were so thick and buzzing around my poor kid's fanny!! arrrrgh!

    So anyway it's funnier now but left me fairly tense at the time. And no, I didn't bother with nylons. Just my skivvies and whatever stockings I wore were actually kneehigh trouser nylon things, so I could spread wide if I needed to!! Most of the time we were in pants but I did have a couple of nursing dresses with we with the necessary ports for feeding the boy...

    There was another time in Egypt when I did get the trots but not as bad as what you described... but the "bidet" thing was this horridly dirty copper tube, essentially, and the way it was angled I knew it would get grossed up by my deposits, so I had to do some Yankee re-engineering to bend that thing around in such a way that it could hose me off from above and not risk getting the end contaminated and making me all dirty again... that was a weird trip.

    And we learned early on that the American fast food restaurants at least had American style bathrooms and toilet paper!! YAAAAY (after awhile, we got burned out on unlimited supply of hummus and baba ghanooj and fava beans and pita bread!)...

    We got to NYC the day after election day (2000) not knowing yet who was elected President - still counting the paper chads in Florida - but we got to the hotel room on the 8th or 9th floor and I had to use the bathroom. I noticed the shiny clean white porcelain throne, which held me securely up where I needed to be, and wasn't thinking about it when I flushed (all the ones in the Middle East were the low power flush) but I heard that loud air-pressure assist flush VAAAVOOOOOOOOOM and I started crying - I was back home in the USA!! Wooot!

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    2167 days ago
    Hahaha to both of you on your stories! Thanks for the giggles tonight :)
    2178 days ago
    OMG Diane!

    That most def trumps my story! I was hacking up a lung reading that! Holy crap! (no pun intended). Yeah my aunt once told me when she went to singapore to always wear a skirt (not pants) because it makes squatting easier but never wear nylons.

    I'd have died of embarrassment and then some. Reminds me of a story i heard once about a highschool guidance counsellor who went to China (or was it Africa) and actually fell in! They had to burn her clothes and disinfect her.

    I also remember the time it was New Years and I went to a cousin's for the night (the first and only time) and I got a wee bit drunk and then got hungry before turning in and ate chip dip. A lethal combo it proved in the morning. I puked and puked downstairs and then sat on the toilet upstairs for a while. And that plugged up. Right to the rim!!!

    I discretely told one cousin who yelled across the kitchen to her husband to unclog the toilet because I took a big dump (although that's not the word she used.) So the entire family knew what happened. Ummm... Ya. Steve shrugged and unclogged it and didn't bat any eye. God bless him for that. I didn't and still don't really know him that well.

    And now that I'm a bit older, I can talk about it all I want but I still get embarrassed LOL
    2178 days ago
    OH MY WORD GIRL !! YOU have ME A LAUGHING AND A LAUGHIN !!! I went on a trip to Russia,,,,and I HAD THE RUNS !! It was HORRIBLE !! As I DID NOT SPEAK the language !! TRY TO GET IT ACROSS YOU are going to lose your inners, in a NOT so PLEASANT SMELL ! (shall we politely say? LOLOLOL) I tried to say Bathroom in their lang. as I had been taught, but with my Mainer accent which gets so MUCH STRONGAH away from home,,,it was HORRENDOUS !! They did NOT undstand this ! THAN I SIMPLY Crossed my LEGS and that DID NOT sense to them ! SO THAN I GRABBED MY WOOOWOOOOO and THAT THEY DID !! HAHAHA OH MY ! My Grandma would of been MORIDIFIED !

    SOOOOO OFF and BARELY RUNNIN (hoping that was the ONLY THING RUNNING OUT OF ME ! LOL) I WENT ! Than FINDING A LONG LINE I could not STAND IT !! of course I DID NOT DARE to CUT IN LINE !!! But there I STOOD ,,, STARTING TO TURN PALE With a DESPERATE LOOK on my FACE ! One of the gals UNDERSTOOD MY "need" and QUICKLY got me UP FRONT and THRU the LINE ! YEAH !!! AND INSIDE I WENT !! PHEW ! (NOT PHEW FOR LONG ! LOL) but MUCH to my HORROR There was ONLY ONE STALL !!! ONE STALL ! The rest were OPEN STEAMS of water running over SMALL CANALS !! And you HAD TO SQUAT OVER THOSE STEAMS ! i was in A DRESS !!! WITH NYLONS ON !!! What was I TO DO? I RIPPED THOSE SUCKERS OFF !! AND Tried to somehow BALANCE Myself OVER THAT WIDE Stream,,,, trying NOT to look at the others, to see "HOW DO YOU DO THIS?" for I could NOT understand IT !! OH MY !! Than I noticed a SMALL part of the stream was a TINY bit bigger,, that MUST of been "the hole" to hit. I was BEYOND HORRIFIED !!! I KNEW What was INSIDE was NOT GOING TO BE in a second, for the "urgency" was EXTEMELY URGENT !!! about the BURST DOWN the WALLS of the building in an explosion to bring down the Ukraine !!! OH MY ! And INTERNATIONAL WAR !!! So I TRIED to get down LOW ENOUGH so the water (what VERY LITTLE OF IT There was ! And it was a BARELY TRICKLE !) so I would NOT be SPLASHED,,,,and YET Keeping balance, NOT FALL !! OH BElieVE ME,,,I was a PRAYING AT THAT TIME ! For both to NOT FALL and to ALSO not SMELL as badly as I KNEW IT WOULD ! And not be COVERED shall we say "in stuff"? and BANG A ROO,,, and roo,,,and roo,,,,, I WAS SOOOO GROSSED OUT !!! But, to my DELIGHT NO ONE even GLANCED at me, except for my American friend who looked at me as if to say "WOW I did NOT KNOW you could HUMANLY DO THAT and STILL LIVE !" LOL BRAT ! And There i was balanced OVER that tiny hole,,,and SUDDENLY IT GOT CLOGGED UPPED !! The water was NOT GOING DOWNSTREM !!! ANd I was looking for toilet paper,,,,and there WAS NONE !! OH MY GOODNESS !!!!! There was NONE in a SITUATION WHERE YOU NEEDED IT DESPERATELY, but than I REMEMBERED we had been TOLD to BRING OUR OWN And I had a ROLL with me,,,, well I took it out,, started to use it,,,and got some STRANGE LOOKS from the Russians, like "WHAT IS THAT???" Than a few nods,,,and some HANDS at ME WANTING SOME !!! It was as if I were giving them GOLD !!! So of course I SHARED A LITTLE with some around me. DEAR ME !!! Better than the BEST MAKE UP and helped to MAKE UP For the "STINK" I had MADE and ALL PHEW And I DO MEAN "PHEW" ALL was FORGIVEN that "THE AMERICAN" had "DONE THAT"

    Question was,,, now,,,how to GET UP?

    The foot prints I am SURE are still there !!!
    2179 days ago
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