Wednesday, March 07, 2012
How do I do this to myself? I don't get it! I have motion sickness so you think I would not keep riding this roller coaster. That I would not like the feeling of up and down, up and down of the yo-yo cycle that I am on. Yet, here I am, lost 12 pounds while diligently following my SparkPeople plan, when I climbed on the front row of the coaster. My weight began to go up 2 down 2, go up 4 down 3, and somehow I managed to convince myself that it's ok, as I am still at or right around the 12 pounds lost. When suddenly, the roller coaster goes crazy looping around the track at break neck speed and I have 10 pounds back on. Whoa, isn't that supposed to be 2 steps forward 1 step back? Not for me, it was 12 pounds off and 10 pounds back on! I could just cry.
So what's my story? I started SparkPeople in November of 2011. I began like a race horse out of the gate. I followed this new plan of tracking my food and fitness and counting calories with so much gusto, but then "something" happened. I had a set back and I allowed this set back to all but make me quit on my Spark journey completely! Not to mention that on top of that I suffer with major depressive disorder. Which opens another can of worms, along with the symptoms of depression, my medications certainly do not help with weight loss, in fact they often times do the opposite and cause weight gain. I also have PTSD, I take meds for this as well, again causing another layer of decelerated weight loss. But do I want this to define me? HECK NO! I am still trying to figure out why I can be doing really well and then turn around self sabotage. This journey for me is about more than weight loss, it is about self discovery and complete health! Mind, body and soul!
I have been yo-yoing since December 2011 and here it is March 2012, I am 200 pounds (I never thought I would say that out loud), and determined to get to my weight loss goal of 165 pounds!!!!! Thank you to all you wonderful Sparklers! You inspire me! Hugs to all!