Tuesday, March 06, 2012
I have been on a diet my whole adult life. Seriously, for as long as I can remember, I've been watching everything I eat - counting "net" carbs, counting calories, not eating anything white, eating only soup, eating only fruit, eating twice a day - then once a day, then every other day, not eating after 8 pm, Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, Optifast, Medifast, etc. You name the diet, I've been on it. And during the brief periods I wasn't strictly adhering to some diet regimen, I was binge eating out of control on anything and everything I could get my hands on and feeling so guilty afterward that I feverishly searched for some new diet plan that I could devote to that might work. This is the definition of disordered eating.
Now I am eating a plant-based, super healthy diet that allows me to eat fruits, vegetables, legumes and beans in unlimited amounts until I feel full. This means that I can literally stuff myself with huge bowls of berries, apples, and bananas for breakfast; a big bowl of lentil soup AND a huge romaine lettuce salad for lunch; and then another huge plate of spinach salad with veggies and a sweet potato for dinner. I always feel full...but then I always feel weirdly guilty because I associate this "full feeling" with binge eating. In the past, I only felt full after a binge.
I know that this plan is working because I've lost weight and feel good eating very healthy meals. But it seems too easy...like it's too good to be true and I might find out that my scale is broken or I'll get on the scale tomorrow and be back up 10 pounds suddenly. It's hard to relax and just enjoy good food without having to worry so much about the ramifications of eating.
I am grateful to God for answering my prayers and guiding me toward a way of eating that is healthy and that works for me. Now I need to figure out how to NOT to feel like I'm on a diet, and how NOT to feel guilty about food. Does this make sense?