I WILL BE HAPPY WITH MYSELF! :)
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
I was brave this morning and weighed in. I've been avoiding it for months, because I knew that it would say "that's overweight" and until this morning I didn't think I could handle that. I had made so much progress! Back in September I was down to 155 lbs, my lowest since I was a "tween," and it felt so good! But I came to a realization over the weekend, and I want to share it with you.
It all started with a baby shower Saturday afternoon. There was food there (of course!), and I had a croissant with chicken salad on it. It was one of those big bakery croissants, too. And it was delicious! And I didn't feel guilty! I was hungry, and I wanted one, so I ate it. And I had a small handful of chips, and a large handful of veggies. And one cupcake. And that was enough for me! I hadn't eaten myself sick, I had just eaten what I wanted. I liked the feeling of satisfaction, and I liked not feeling guilty.
After the baby shower, I had a bachelorette party to attend. We went to a club to go dancing, which I had never done before, but I made a concerted effort not to feel self-conscious and just let loose. I danced (hard) for 3 hours straight! I didn't realize that was any big thing until the other ladies were like "Wow, girl! You just keep going!" It made me feel pretty awesome. It also made me feel awesome that there were a couple guys who wanted to dance with me! Being married, and there with my girlfriends, I didn't actually dance with them, but it was still very flattering! I felt strong and sexy and energetic. I also felt like my feet were going to fall off by the time I got home, but boy was it worth it!
Sunday brought with it a baby blessing and more food; cinnamon rolls, this time. I had two, and you know, the second one just wasn't as yummy as the first. I realized that I just wasn't that hungry, and filling up on junk -- as tasty as it is -- wasn't as satisfying as filling up on quality food. I had a whole bunch of fruit, and a whole bunch of water and felt pretty good overall, but I'll keep that in mind next time.
Then dinner with the in-laws! Delicious, down-home comfort food: meatloaf, green-bean casserole, home-made bread. Delicious! And again, satisfaction, not guilt.
Last night I did my belly dancing class, then 20 minutes of yoga. I got a good night's sleep, and woke up at 5:10 this morning (well, the cat woke me up at 4:00 a.m., but I went back to sleep) and went jogging with my good friend. We made it all the way up the hill on our "course" in 6 minutes! It's probably a 3-5% incline is all, but it was still awesome to jog the whole thing!
In fine, I felt awesome this morning, and when the Wii said "Well, if it isn't Heather! It's been 111 days since I saw you last." I didn't feel too bad. And, since I haven't weighed in since November, I was ready for whatever it was going to throw at me. Know what? It wasn't that bad! I've gained 5.1 lbs since November, putting me at about 163.4. Not too shabby, considering that I didn't exercise from about mid-October until the beginning of February! I've only been back on the exercise wagon for about 4 weeks, and I haven't been killing myself. I feel good!
And that's the conclusion I came to. I feel good. I'm doing yoga pretty much daily, but if I miss a day I don't beat myself up. I jog for at least 30-40 minutes 2-3 times per week. I danced for 3 hours straight! I'm still paying attention to what I eat, even if I'm not eating less of it. I'm happy with my lifestyle right now, and if I'm not a size 8 or 155 lbs living like I'm living now, then my body ISN'T A SIZE 8 and ISN'T 155 LBS NATURALLY! I WILL NOT BE ON A DIET MY WHOLE LIFE! I will be active, I will be mindful, but I will not deprive myself and I will not beat myself up for not being perfect. If I feel like an extra hour of sleep will help me more than waking up at 5 to run, then I'll sleep. I won't be lazy, but I will be happy with myself.
I'm excited to see myself in another couple months. I took "before" pictures at the beginning of February when I got back on track, and I took "progress" pictures yesterday. They say "It takes 4 weeks for you to notice a change, 8 weeks for those close to you to notice, and 12 weeks for everyone else to see the difference. Keep going!" and I believe it. There is a very slight difference between the first shots and the second (mostly, though, I noticed my posture is pretty bad. I need to work on that...) and I think that as long as I stay "on track" I'll keep making progress toward being the best me I'm willing to be. I'm just going to keep having fun, and I'm going to keep enjoying my lifestyle. I will be happy with myself. :) I'm going to see where I level out at before I throw in the towel and buy bigger pants. :) It may happen! But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.