Saturday, March 03, 2012
Well yesterday's weigh in wasn't good. I basically stayed the same. I know...at least I didn't gain...blah blah blah. I said all that crap to myself yesterday, and a thousand times before. I am so sick of not getting the results that I think I deserve. I work so hard. So very hard. I exercised like a beast all week! I did pretty darn good on my calories. And still...disappointment. I shouldn't let the scale dictate how I fell...blah blah blah again. Heard it all, said it all. I know what I'm doing is good for me. I know I'm getting healthier. But at 280 pounds, I feel like the weight should be coming off better at this point. You know, before my 'diet' I was eating easily between 3 and 4 thousand calories every single day! Now I usually keep it under 2000. You would think that alone would make a vast difference. But nope, not for me. Eat a fry, gain 10 pounds. I don't think I can live my life like this. I can't spend my every day with this gnawing ever present in my stomach. I can' t get up and make myself do these uncomfortable work outs. I can't keep doing it if I'm not also reaping the weight related benefits, you know, the benefits I can actually see! Even my inches aren't going down a lot. The thing is, I can't give anymore than I've already been giving. I can't cut more calories. I can't exercise harder. I've already been giving all I can. The only thing I haven't already given is "up". But I just don't know how much more disappointment I can take.