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Saturday, March 03, 2012

I try to practice positive thinking on a regular basis. I always have. I try to be mindful when I eat and plan ahead as much as possible. I (my family) have just come through some horrible hell that you can't even imagine. Thanks to everyone for the kind thoughts and prayers during my son's illness. It means a lot to us and I fully believe in the power of prayer. He is doing much better now but, it was really sketchy for a while. What I find most amazing is that not on any one occasion during the whole time he was in the hospital did I feel tempted to break my new life style plan. I wasn't able to go to the gym but the food business stayed right where it should be. I didn't over eat and normally during a stressful period I would have eaten a dirty shoe covered in chocolate for the comfort. This means that I am growing and learning and I am very proud of myself. I was disappointed that I wasn't able to go to the gym to let off some steam. That's a new one on me. While I usually only weigh myself once per month, I missed the day as we were in the hospital with my son. I did finally weigh myself and boy what a disappointment. I haven't lost any weight in the last month. This brings me to today's blog.

I make a concentrated effort to see myself as the slender person I am working to be. Here is where the issue comes in. I have been overweight all of my adult life and most of my childhood. My trainer sends out a newsletter and she was talking about envisioning yourself as you want to be and how doing so can make it more achievable. I belong to the "careful what you wish for club" so I don't generally "wish" to lose say 40 pounds as I prefer to keep my legs intact. I am having a great deal of difficulty "seeing" myself in a smaller body. I think that it is because I have never had one. I have no idea what it will look like. I still practice trying to envision it. Since I can't see myself, I can create the environment in my mind and place myself in it. Here is my vision:

I am at the gym

and I am on the treadmill

as I am walking, I look out the window at the school across the street

and it is a beautiful day.

I can see the oak tree out front in full summer splendor (not bare like it presently is)

in fact, everything is beautifully green

and the afternoon summer sun is casting amber light upon the brick of the school

it is 72 degrees, sunny and there is a gentle breeze.

I can hear the sounds of the day; children at play

and they are having fun

and they are doing the things that I never really did as a child because I was fat and un-liked by the kids in my neighborhood

nearby, I can hear dogs

and cars

and the gentle hum of the city.

I concentrate on how I feel. Focus, Deanna.

You are here. All is right in the world.

and you are EXACTLY where you need to be at this very moment in time

and life is good.

I can feel myself as strong

and lean

and toned.

No longer will I allow myself to think that I am


No longer will I think

when I look in the mirror. I will NOT judge myself on standards that are unrealistic. The ugly, hateful things that I say to myself are nothing I would say to someone I love.

This is my

and I will

I will no longer allow myself to be

about who I am or who I am working to become.

I will do





until I am

and then I will do it all again.
I am no longer in a contest against myself! I am

and I feel wonderful! While I cannot physically "see" myself at the end stage of this

I can work to be the best that I can be. I will be able to do this

because I hold the light within myself

to make this happen. Sure, I may

but I am done




I am beating my

and I will be able to

with my boys! Because

and I am on the road to

Here I am! I came, I endured and I conquered

and I am a better person for it. I


That, is my vision!

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
GEMINIAN1 3/5/2012 6:03PM

    First of all, I am *very* glad to hear that your son is doing better.
... "I would have eaten a dirty shoe covered in chocolate"
I don't know if you meant for this to be funny; but, it did make me smile.
Woo-Hoo to you for growing and learning.

Cheers ... to envisioning yourself as you want to be.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PINKCADDY 3/5/2012 12:14AM

    Very inspiring - thank your for your insightfulness and the beauty of you and your blog.

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SAFETYSUE 3/4/2012 6:29PM

    Great blog, thanks for sharing!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ADZY86 3/4/2012 2:54PM

    Beautiful blog.

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GRNDMOM43 3/4/2012 12:58PM

    What an emoticon blog. emoticon

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HINCTYBEAT 3/4/2012 11:58AM

    Wow. Thanks for working to put this all together. I will bookmark it so I can experience that journey again and again! Don't be disappointed - be thrilled that you made it through your crisis with your eating behaviours intact!

I recently had a similar experience except that I am a 'happy eater' - and was pleasantly suprprised to find that what had previously been a yearly eating fiesta, my eating stayed consistent with my "new normal"!

You are emoticon

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LISA3TIME 3/4/2012 11:45AM

    wow you got me thinking there is hope for me. thank you what a inspirational blog

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BOMBCHELL23 3/4/2012 9:53AM

    This was totally amazing of encouragement and inspiration that I can relate too but honestly it will happen over time. Feel free to visit my page and see where I came from with my pictures from the beginning. As I can finally envision where I am headed!

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LINDAKAY228 3/4/2012 9:09AM

    Awesome blog! I loved it. I also "liked" it and hope others read it as well.

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CANDOK1260 3/4/2012 7:33AM

    great blog hope other read it

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KDMD98 3/4/2012 7:17AM

    ANGELWENDYMAMA posted a link here. I can see why she did, great blog! Very inspirational, thanks for my daily motivation. Glad to hear things are better for your son.

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LADYGLAMOUR 3/4/2012 2:49AM

  ANGELWENDYMAMA directed me to your blog and I'm so glad she did. Great selection of photos and very inspirational blog.

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TEXASFILLY 3/4/2012 2:08AM

    Bravo! *hugs* So thankful to hear that God has answered prayers for your son's health. And so very proud of your determination in the face of adversity. *hugs* BB~ emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    emoticon emoticon

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BLUE42DOWN 3/4/2012 1:32AM

    Beautifully said!

Those are excellent things to "see" that you're working toward!

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MSV2UU 3/4/2012 12:15AM

    Very inspirational!! Thank you for posting!!!

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    What a Phenomenal Blog full of pictures to help envision! I liked it and am reposting it for my friends. :)

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TREATL 3/3/2012 8:29PM

    Very nice montage! ....and very inspirational emoticon

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 3/3/2012 8:21PM

    I love this blog! I've never known thin either and trying to picture myself that way is impossible. But, like you, I see myself in situations that my thinner self would be in. Running, hanging at the beach with the kids, wearing adorable outfits, etc. I love envisioning these things, because it means that I have arrived. We're gonna get there, and it's gonna be awesome!!!

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