I try to practice positive thinking on a regular basis. I always have. I try to be mindful when I eat and plan ahead as much as possible. I (my family) have just come through some horrible hell that you can't even imagine. Thanks to everyone for the kind thoughts and prayers during my son's illness. It means a lot to us and I fully believe in the power of prayer. He is doing much better now but, it was really sketchy for a while. What I find most amazing is that not on any one occasion during the whole time he was in the hospital did I feel tempted to break my new life style plan. I wasn't able to go to the gym but the food business stayed right where it should be. I didn't over eat and normally during a stressful period I would have eaten a dirty shoe covered in chocolate for the comfort. This means that I am growing and learning and I am very proud of myself. I was disappointed that I wasn't able to go to the gym to let off some steam. That's a new one on me. While I usually only weigh myself once per month, I missed the day as we were in the hospital with my son. I did finally weigh myself and boy what a disappointment. I haven't lost any weight in the last month. This brings me to today's blog.
I make a concentrated effort to see myself as the slender person I am working to be. Here is where the issue comes in. I have been overweight all of my adult life and most of my childhood. My trainer sends out a newsletter and she was talking about envisioning yourself as you want to be and how doing so can make it more achievable. I belong to the "careful what you wish for club" so I don't generally "wish" to lose say 40 pounds as I prefer to keep my legs intact. I am having a great deal of difficulty "seeing" myself in a smaller body. I think that it is because I have never had one. I have no idea what it will look like. I still practice trying to envision it. Since I can't see myself, I can create the environment in my mind and place myself in it. Here is my vision:
I am at the gym
and I am on the treadmill
as I am walking, I look out the window at the school across the street
and it is a beautiful day.
I can see the oak tree out front in full summer splendor (not bare like it presently is)
in fact, everything is beautifully green
and the afternoon summer sun is casting amber light upon the brick of the school
it is 72 degrees, sunny and there is a gentle breeze.
I can hear the sounds of the day; children at play
and they are having fun
and they are doing the things that I never really did as a child because I was fat and un-liked by the kids in my neighborhood
nearby, I can hear dogs
and the gentle hum of the city.
I concentrate on how I feel. Focus, Deanna.
You are here. All is right in the world.
and you are EXACTLY where you need to be at this very moment in time
and life is good.
I can feel myself as strong
No longer will I allow myself to think that I am
No longer will I think
when I look in the mirror. I will NOT judge myself on standards that are unrealistic. The ugly, hateful things that I say to myself are nothing I would say to someone I love.
This is my
and I will
I will no longer allow myself to be
about who I am or who I am working to become.
I will do
until I am
and then I will do it all again.
I am no longer in a contest against myself! I am
and I feel wonderful! While I cannot physically "see" myself at the end stage of this
I can work to be the best that I can be. I will be able to do this
because I hold the light within myself
to make this happen. Sure, I may
but I am done
I am beating my
and I will be able to
with my boys! Because
and I am on the road to
Here I am! I came, I endured and I conquered
and I am a better person for it. I
That, is my vision!