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How do we deal with people trying to derail us?

Thursday, March 01, 2012

11 months ago I stepped on the scale at a hefty 305 pounds. I knew it was time to change. I started my weight loss journey April 5th 2011. I stand before you now at 178 pounds and working on muscle mass gain now. Along the way I had some VERY unexpected comments, looks etc, here's some of the things I experienced.
My wife constantly telling me to not lose any more weight or I won't look good. My WIFE! I thought of all people in the world she would support my goals. This completely crushed me to hear her say I wouldn't look good if i lost more. I had 40, then 20, then 5 lbs to go.
She eventually had all her coworkers telling me to not shrink anymore. They started telling me to stop. Why?!?! Why can I not lose weight without criticism from others? Why can i not set and achieve a goal without negativity? I did all my weight loss through healthy eating and excersise. I never went balemic or anything stupid like people think I did to lose 130 pounds in 11 months.
I am now happy with my body. I'm wearing size 32 pants and large tee shirts or medium dress shirts. I am down to an easy 9.5 minute mile and lifting heavier than I knew I could.
Why do people tell us to stop? Why are people so against our success? Why are we constantly told to stop when were still overweight and working on it? Why do we get criticized for turning down sweets or unhealthy meals.
How many times have I been told " 1 piece isn't going to kill you." Or "fast food once in a while won't hurt your weight loss". Well you know what, I know my body. I know how I act. If i OK it once ill OK it more than once. I have an addictive personality.
I continue to get slack for going to the gym 5 days a week now. I get told you look so good, you've lost so much. I have new goals. I achieved my weight goal. Nobody is stopping me.
Do you guys get a hard time like this? How do you explain. That its your body to someone ? Is everyone else's journey as heart crushing to have a significant other tell you that "you won't look good to me anymore"?
Now I actually hear complaints that I'm not soft in bed, but all she feels is muscle (butt, shoulders and chest area.)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Congrats on all your success! My guess is that you and your wife may have had some of these habits together (i.e. eating fast food or splurging.) So to her you may abandoning the lifestyle that you two shared which may possibly feel that you are also abandoning her as well. Not that you should give up your new healthy lifestyle choices but you may want to address those things with her. Many times people bond together with lifestyle choices and now that you have changed she may feel that you are almost betraying her and your joint lifestyle. I am not sure if that makes sense of not. Maybe an idea could be to find things that you two still enjoy together (that aren't about fattening food) to bond over. However I have to be honest that I can understand where your wife is coming from as I tend to like guys that are a little bit larger (like a size 36-38 pant size)and if I had a partner who slimmed down a lot I may have a problem still being as attracted to them. I think the same thing if you have a partner who gains a lot of weight. Hopefully though your connection is stronger than that and the attraction is more about the mental and emotional connection and not all about physical. But congrats again on the transformation and the hard work; you're a rock star!! emoticon
    2185 days ago
    I've had this problem, I've had people say nasty things to me, tell me that I looked better before when I had more curves, I was a fanatic, etc etc.. I think people start to feel threatened, especially the people that are the closest to us. It's not about you. It's obviously bringing up something in your wife, and it's not about you, but how she feels. You would think a significant other would feel proud to have a hot husband or wife but there's more to it than that..

    2186 days ago
    Oftentimes the reality is not what the other person is saying, but what they aren't saying. Finding the truth will bring understanding. Continue to be healthy and a role model for others in your life. You are doing great!

    2186 days ago
    It's possible she feels threatened by your new physique? I won't pretend to know what your relationship is like, but my advice would be to try to talk to her about how her comments make you feel, if you haven't already. I know sometimes it's hardest to talk to the ones who are closest to us. I congratulate you on your AMAZING success, and am sure you'll continue on your healthy path as you've already come so very far.
    2186 days ago
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