Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Hi there my lovely Sparkling friends!!!
I have been sleeping since I came back from the aqua aerobics in the YMCA. I was very hungry when I finished the exercise session, I just wanted to eat and I was shaking, like if my sugar was down. So I could wait to get home, I stopped at Churches and had 1 drumstick, 2 wings, 1 macaroni salad, 1 - 22 ounces diet coke and an apple pie. While driving back to my home, I got an small package of small Grandma's sandwich cookies and I ate the whole thing, so my sugar free days, ended up today.
When I got home I felt very tired and sleepy, so I went to my room and laid down in my bed and fell soundly asleep. At 5:00 pm, when I woke up, I was so off that I did not even wanted to get off bed to fix dinner. Well I laid there for another 30 minutes, suddenly a thought and a feeling came to mind. I remembered my moms words at the pool, today. I was having a cup of coffee and she said, "I had been looking at you lately, and you look bigger, your tummy does not fit in those pants and you look like an airship, lately. Look at your arms they are bigger than a boxing man. I felt just so bad, but did not know what to say, so I just said well maybe, I will see on Thursday when I will be weight at the Obesity Specialist. But now I can understand why I was so hungry, and so shaky. Now I can see why I ordered an apple pie, and I decided to ate those cookies.
As some of you know I restarted this journey 3 weeks ago with the help and the counseling of an obesity specialist. I am doing the new food plan to the best of my abilities and the budget for food, and I could not exercise last week cause I was so sick, but I know I am doing much, much better.
I am sorry I am dumping all this on you, and that I have talked about the issues with my mom before, but I am so sad and so disappointed. She knows I am working very hard on this, but it seems that there is nothing that will please her, no matter how had I work and how hard I try to show her I am changing, it is not enough. I weigh myself the first week and was down 5.5 pounds, but then the doctor, that has a webpage to monitor us asked me not to weigh myself again, until next appointment cause the TANITA Scale will let us know the % of fat that I loose, the % of my weight that is water, the % that is muscle and we will be able to evaluate my progress, make changes and keep improving my health, and he does not want me discourage that day when we will discuss the results of my 3 weeks effort, so I stopped weighing myself until next Thursday. So I could not defend myself from her hurtful comments today. Right now I feel so helpless that I need to vent and let it out here and hear your comments and advices on how can I get up from this situation.
Thank you for reading and commenting I really appreciate and value the friendship every one of you offer me. Looking forward to your comments and advices, have a Good Night and see you all soon.