Tuesday, February 28, 2012
I have been known to do a lot of things when something disappointing happens in my life, and those things usually lead to greater disappointment. So, I thought I would take a few minutes to do some managing, because I know I am facing disappointment!
This weekend I had some fun with a boy, someone I have liked for a while but he was married and now he is not. He may not be Mr. Right for a few different reason, not insurmountable reasons, just reasons that should be taken into account, because they could be part of the disappointment. Anyways, as the weekend came to an end, it did not end completely like I had wished, and needless to say, I don't think we are on the same page as to what to now that the weekend is over. Granted we live in two different cities, but again one of those reasons that are not insurmountable. So, as the dust settles, and the disappointment is setting in I know I need to get one step ahead of things because my track record is not the best at handling disappointment. Why you ask, well, not to beat a dead horse but lack of self confidence is one of them, and how I usually cope with disappointment, ie, emotional eating, spending money and laying in bed feeling sorry for myself and not participating in life are my good old stand by's. You see where I am going here, disappointment begets more disappointment. But, since I am determined to nip this self sabotage in the bud I thought that I needed to get things off my chest and sort through my feelings.
Not being on the same page about how to move forward after the weekend, well I can understand that. One person thought, hey maybe this will lead to something and one person said, that was fun . So, having to wrap my head around that, well, it just hurts. That glimmer, that feeling of excitement was gone in a second and it makes me realize how lonely I really am. How having to put your feelings on the line, and having them hurt, it just SUCKS. When things go unsaid, like I know you are coming back in April (I am and he knows that) but we well talk before that, or hoping that he would send you a text , facebook message or email just making sure you got home safe, when those things don't happen, it just adds salt to the wound. Now, I know it is only Tuesday, who's to say those things won't happen, but the waiting for it, and wondering if you should send an email, or whatever, is just as hard. That is why I need to head this off at the pass, manage the disappointment before it manages me. So here is what I am going to do:
1. Remember that I am a wonderful person and he would be lucky to have me in his life
2. Don't isolate myself no matter how hard it is
3. Don't wait around for something that is not going to happen
4. Move forward and don't stay in the past
5. Don't play the "what if" game!!
6. Don't obsess, it is what it is
7. Feel the disappointment instead of stuffing it away
8. Remember that if he wanted to contact you he knows how and he should want it!!
Now after writing it, I have to live it! For me easier said then done. But again, I am determined not to let these kinds of situations take control and define me any longer! I have to come out strong on the other side or my life is just going to keep standing still.
Plan for tonight: I think I need to go home (after the gym) have a good cry, keep praying and like all things, this too shall pass!!